


One Long Road Trip

by Madelyne_from_Mars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Awkward Dean, Boss/Employee Relationship, Castiel Has Issues, Confusion, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, From Sex to Love, M/M, Marking, Mentions of Emotional Abuse, Openly Bisexual Dean, Panty Kink, Road Trips, Rock Stars, Rough Sex, Singer Castiel, Snarky Castiel, Somnophilia, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2018-03-17 10:43:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 65,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3526289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madelyne_from_Mars/pseuds/Madelyne_from_Mars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean finds a new job as his idol's assistant. What he doesn't know, is that Castiel Novak is pretty stern and demanding in real life, and soon Dean starts to regret taking that particular job. But everyone has their story, why they are how they are and as time flies by, Dean starts to see that Castiel isn't so bad after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet the New Boss

**Author's Note:**

> Trying my hand in fanfiction. I have written other stories before, but never in english so there might be mistakes.  
> Let me know what you think.

_I can’t believe it is really happening_ , he thought. He stood in the empty elevator and rode up, where the hotel room would be, where he would meet Him. And he was sweating, oh god. Dean hoped the sweat stains won’t decorate his shirt, because he wanted to leave the best impression on his new boss. Because even if his boss didn’t know him (not yet entirely anyways), he knew quite a lot about his boss. Castiel Novak. Dean smirked every time he thought about his name because someone who led a band named „Heaven’s Host“, had an angel name himself. That name made him even more beautiful and interesting. Though his deep blue ocean eyes and black raven hair were fantastic enough, to make him look intimidating and sexy. Dean had a celebrity crush on him actually, he used to go to his concerts every time they were in town. And okay, maybe he occasionally jerked off thinking about his gloriously pink mouth and big lips on his member, but that didn’t mean he was gonna lose it when he finally met his idol. But it was still nerve-wracking. He still couldn’t believe the odds, that the job landed on his lap.

Dean had looked for a job for months, not finding any. But he had a lot of experience before and he was used to having long road trips, so when he found a job offering as a personal assistant, he went and got it. His boss being Castiel Novak himself was just a cherry on top. He adjusted his black tie, asking himself why did he have to wear a tie in the first place. Right, first good impression. Even if he was quite confident about his looks – bright green eyes with golden yellow rings around the pupils and dark blonde hair, complete with freckles.  He looked over the details written on the paper and tried to memorize his new boss’s schedule. Sadly, he didn’t see Castiel at the interview, but meeting him now was good enough for Dean. He looked up at the floor numbers and wondered how fucking long was it gonna take and had he been there for more than a few hours already or was time slowing down? A quiet ’bing’ told him that he had reached his floor. _Okay then_ , he breathed in and out, _show time_.

The doors opened and he walked down the long hallway until he found the door he was looking for. Number "789“. He knocked on the door and after a few moments, it opened. Dean was ready for a heart attack, waiting for the piercing blue eyes, but he was met with golden ones instead. He furrowed his brows a little until he recognized the face. Ah yes, Castiel’s brother Gabriel.

"H-Hello, my name is Dean Winchester, I’m the new assistant?“ he said as professionally as he could when Gabriel started looking at him questionably.

"Are you asking or saying?“ the other man smirked and raised his brow.

"Um...Saying.“ _God, Winchester, get a fucking grip_. He offered his hand "It’s nice to finally meet you, Gabriel Novak.“

Gabriel outright laughed but shook his hand anyway. Then he turned around and looked inside the room. "Cassie! Your new boy toy is here,“ he walked in the room, not bothering inviting Dean inside "And let me tell you, I think he is your type.“

"Gabriel,“ said a stern voice, so deep and rumbly, Dean was sure it could break windows.

Standing there awkwardly, he finally stepped inside the room, and frowned. Huh, he thought it was a bedroom but it looked more like a lounge room, with a huge TV and two long couches. Plus a table with various things on it, from water bottles to fruit baskets. When Gabriel moved and went to sit down on one of the couches, he saw him. _Cas_. Standing there, holding his phone, reading something and looking at it like it had just offended him. Dean worried his lip a little, but then put on his most charming smile and walked to the man, offering his hand again.

"Dean Winchester, nice to meet you, Castiel.“

And then finally, the blue met green.

 

Castiel looked at him with a face that Dean couldn’t read. And Dean could read everyone. It was his usual face, a little serious and there was a little frown between his brows. Then the blue-eyed Angel looked down on his offered hand and flicked his eyes back to his face.

"Finally, you are here,“ he looked at his phone for a second and then his eyes again "You are 2 minutes late. Grab me a coffee down the hall, no sugar, no cream, just black and address me only as Mr Novak, does it reach your understanding?“

Great. He felt like a child being shouted at. "Y-yes.“ Castiel raised his brow and looked at him sternly "Yes, Mr Novak.“ Dean tried again.

Castiel nodded and went back to his precious phone, while he sat down on the other couch, opposite from the one Gabriel sat on.

Dean stood there still, dumbstricken, and looked at Gabriel for some support but the bastard only grinned at him and shurgged. Okay, maybe Castiel wasn’t so wonderful in real life after all.

Not wanting to do anything else wrong, Dean left the room and found the coffee station, fetching his new boss a black coffee. Now he had time to think about what the fuck had just happened. He thought Castiel was gonna be this sweet guy, who was an awesome boss and treated his assistant like he treated everyone else, but maybe he smiled and cared for his fans for fame only. But Dean didn’t want to believe it. He had seen videos how he treated his audience. He makes joks with them, lets them have goofy pictures with him and he is like this awesome surrogate dad with the young ones. He makes the crowd laugh and hands out water for the suffocating people in the cockpit. But why the hell was he so different in real life? Okay, maybe he just had a bad day and wasn’t so time controlling on other days. Or maybe he had a stick stuck in his ass and was a devil in disguise.

The coffee machine beeped and Dean took the cup, covering it with a lid. He sighed and walked back to the room, hoping for the best. He opened the door and walked inside and offered Castiel his drink. "Here you go, Mr Novak,“ he said with a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Even if the man was his idol, he didn’t take shit from anyone.

Castiel took the cup, not even looking at him, but said thank you. _At least polite_ , Dean thought. And then he was standing there again, not knowing what to do.

After a few minutes, the black haired man gestured to the seat next to him. "Please, have a seat,“ he said, not looking away from his phone "Do you have my schedule with you?“

Dean sat down and received the papers with the information from his shoulder bag. "Yes, here.“

"What is planned for me today and when’s the dinner?“ he asked, still totally consumed by his phone.

"Uh, you have an interview with Deli TV at 5:30, then the massage appointment at the Golden SPA, scheduled for 7 pm, followed by dinner at 8:30 in the St. Patrick’s restaurant,“ Dean read from the paper.

"I would appreciate if you memorize it for next time, the deal with papers is hard enough and it will slow you down, hence I have to wait for your answer. Do you have your personal information in that man purse of yours?“

Dean scowled and cleared his throat, quickly receiving the required details from his bag and handed them to his boss. "I have everything that was required, Sir.“

Castiel looked up from his phone, just to take the papers and started to read them, holding them in his free hand. "So you have a brother?“

"Yes, 4 years younger...Sir.“

"And you are single, so you don’t have to make any personal calls to your lover and don’t require time off to visit them?“

"No, Sir. Just me.“

"And did you take the tests?“

Dean took another paper pile from his bag. He was a little confused when he had to take the intimate tests too, wondering why would that be important, but then again, you have to be sure you are clean, when something happens and you get sued for giving someone herpes or something. They even controlled his mouth, making sure it was clean and everything. And then there was the blood tests and allergy tests and he thought he was gonna be selled on the black market.

Castiel looked at the tests and nodded. "Great, you are completely clean. That means we don’t have to be worried when you cut yourself open. But it is important, that you take another test, whenever you have sexual relations with anyone turing the tour,“ he stayed quiet for a moment "It says here you have no food allergies, only for cats. But did you write down everything you don’t eat?“

"Yes.“

Castiel looked at him with his serious face and nodded. "Thank you, Dean. I will read them later. Right now you can relax, until my next appointment, where I need you to be present. Remind me when it’s 5:20.“ And then he was putting down the papers on the table and returning to his phone.

"So, Dean. Your brother any hot?“ Gabriel asked then.

Dean looked at him queerly, "Um, how should I know?“

Gabriel smiled mischievously and shrugged, "Some people are into all that incest thing. So you like your job so far?“

Winchester gulped quietly and to his absolute luck stuttered "Y-yes, it’s very... I-Interesting.“ He felt the sweat starting to break through his skin again.

Castiel looked up sternly and stared into Dean’s eyes questionably. Dean eyed him with a deer-caught-in-headlights look and Gabriel started to laugh.


	2. They say talking makes everything better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kind comments, hope you like this chapter too!

First few days went past quickly for Dean, because he had been running a lot. He could admit that he was totally way-worn. Like he had feared, Mr Novak was even worse after the first day. After leaving the hotel room to go and give the interview, things got a little hurried. Dean was always on his feet, bringing his boss coffee or water, speaking to the important people about some changes Mr Novak wanted to do. Scheduling things and arranging new timetables. When they had arrived at the Golden SPA, Dean had been mildly relieved because he thought a massage was supposed to relax people. But when Mr Novak came back from his appointment, he looked rougher and huffy. And since when does Dean think of Castiel as Mr Novak? He guessed that the guy was terrifying enough to change his appearance in Dean’s mind too. When Dean finally got to his hotel bedroom he just crashed on the bed and fell asleep immediately. The screeching sound of an alarm at 6 o’clock in the morning was like some reaper who was inviting him to be the slave of the Devil. Which he might actually be. From the first day in, Dean understood that the man who looked like a male Snow White, appreciated when he was on time, if not early. So he showered quickly and was ready at 6:20 to say hello to the new day. The shower actually didn’t do much good, because an hour later he was running across town, to fetch his boss a certain sandwich which was available only in one shop and that particular shop was in the middle of nowhere, far far away from the hotel. That kind of thing happened quite a lot. Mr Novak ate only his favourite things and those things were all scattered across the city, so Dean had to visit various shops and restaurants to get those kind of goods and ingredients what his boss liked. After his runs he was cherished by a mad mugwump, who told him that he had to wait whole 5 fucking minutes, starving.

To say the least, Dean was slowly losing his mind. But the pay was good and driving to new cities almost every day was exciting, plus the free show from the side stage was awesome. Castiel seemed to be at ease at the stage and not so stiff, but once he was offstage he was his old self again. The new places and faces made the bad situation better. He met this cute blonde at one shop, while making his errands and got a phone number and a name written on his hand. Mr Novak eyed his arm weirdly but shrugged it off, thankfully not making any rude comment about it. But afterwards, when Dean had to go look for a Biggerson’s burger, his boss said that he should not search for a possible bed partner while working and loosing time meanwhile doing it. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? He was always working now and he even managed to get his body in a better shape between these few days.

They were in Chicago now and going to a place to eat before the concert. Just the two of them, Dean and Mr Novak, which was odd because usually they went to eat with the others. Dean was actually hoping that Gabriel was joining them because he seemed to get along better with the snarky golden trickster than the cold expressionless fallen Angel. But they were alone in the black Mercedes-Benz car, save for the driver and Mr Novak was occupied by his phone as usually. Dean was getting antsy and nervous, rubbing his hands across his jeans, thinking maybe Castiel was ready to fire him now. Because yeah, he did some mistakes sometimes, arriving minutes late or giving him coffee too bitter or sweet, even if he never added sugar or cream. Maybe Novak blamed him for the coffee machine’s incapable way of making normal drinks too.  Or what if the Devil himself wanted to get some alone time with him, so he could yell at him as he liked. Or maybe he lied about going to eat and will kill Dean in some shady part of down and feed him to the dogs.

There was a silent sigh next to him. “Will you relax, Dean? Your squirming is giving me a headache and it is not like we are going to eat live piranhas,” Castiel said more to his phone.

Dean looked at him briefly and managed a quiet “Sorry, Sir,” from his mouth, trying to relax. But the thoughts were still there. He even thought how would his blood look on Novak’s light blue button-down shirt. He could bet good money that Castiel Novak was actually a vampire and just liked to torture his victims by getting them in good shape and then drinking them clean mercilessly.

The car stopped and Dean had a minor heart attack. His boss looked up and announced that they had arrived at their destination like a GPS operator. They exited the car and made it inside. It was a little restaurant, which reminded Dean a little bit of the Roadhouse his friend’s mother owns. The walls were of dark wood and there were black and white pictures hanging on them. A waitress walked towards them and smiled brightly “Hello, welcome to Dubliner, do you have reservations?”

“Um, yes, Mr. Novak for 7,” Dean answered with a little smile.

The girl looked at the names in her little book and nodded. She showed them their table and brought them menus and then stalked off.

Dean was still quite nervous but food sounded great just about then and he opened his menu. All the meals sounded delicious, so it wasn’t so hard to decide what he wanted. He chose a steak with oven potatoes and a cold beer (there was some kind of fancier name for it but Dean is a sucker for the simple words). Mr. Novak said his orders with a fluent wording right from the book, without stuttering. He amazed Dean sometimes. And he chose water as a drink, from all the choices.

When the waitress left, they were left with an awkward silence. Castiel was still observing his phone and Dean waited for the shoe to drop. He fiddled with the table cloth for a while, when finally, Novak put his phone down and intertwined his fingers on the table. Dean swallowed.

Castiel looked up and met Dean’s eyes with a nonchalant expression and asked: “Is it really wise to drink during your job?”

Dean’s eyes widened a little, because he didn’t think about it like that. Shit, he should’ve ordered juice or something, but it was so strange for him so he ordered like he always does. “I uh, I’m sorry, I usually order a beer, it was out of habit, I can order something else...” Dean was rambling from his mouth quickly.

Castiel shook his head, stopping him. “It is not necessary, you have been tense lately, so maybe it will relax you a little. But try to not take it overboard. I will not appreciate you being drunk and not being able to do the tasks I ask of you.”

Dean nodded. “Of course, Mr. Novak.”

Cas breathed out a little heavily and ran his hand through his hair, leaving a mess behind. Hairdressers are gonna have a mighty time back at the venue, Dean thought. Then he stayed quiet again and looked at the table tiredly. The Winchester let himself stare a little. Now when his boss’ face wasn’t covered by his phone, he saw him in a new light. He looked almost a little sad, his eyes were wearing light grey bags under themselves and he looked like he hadn’t slept for days. He even looked a little lonely.

“Is there something on my face?” Castiel asked and blue met green.

Dean looked away, feeling his ears burn a little and let his gaze fall over things in the place. “N-no.”

“Well that’s reassuring,” the other man muttered back. Dean knew, his boss was still looking at him. “So how do you feel about your job so far, Dean? Any complaints?”

The blonde looked at the brunette again, trying not to look startled. “N-no, everything is great.”

Castiel’s eyes went from tired to hard in milliseconds and he sounded a little more disgruntled than just moments before “You know what I don’t like, Dean? Liars.”

“Me neither, Sir.”

“Then why won’t you enlighten me with the truth then?” Cas’ eyebrow raised a little and he almost looked challenging.

“I think it’s not really wise to tell the truth to your boss. You can end up fired, if the truth is too much,” Dean tried to steer the conversation elsewhere.

“That is true, but I have heard it all before, so surprise me. Also, I need to know if you have any suggestions what I need to change.” He was serious now.

Dean felt a little uncomfortable under his death stare, but he couldn’t look away. He felt his hairs wake up on the back of his neck. “Well... It is a little tiresome a-and... I mean, I really like it, but any kind of job wears you down, right? I guess I have to get used to it.”

“Do you have a stuttering problem? Maybe from something in your childhood.”

Winchester frowned. “What? No?...No.” Great, try to convince that you don’t have a problem while doing said problem.

Castiel looked amused, but there wasn’t any hint of a smile on his lips, so Dean couldn’t tell. “I guess you have to warm up a little then. And again, you need to relax. Maybe call that number you got the other day and ask her out.”

Where the hell did that come from? “We, uh, we are 5 hours away from her now.”

“Well, then you could find someone after work, I’m sure you can have anyone you’d like.”

Dean was confused, he was really, utterly confused now. “I think  _you_  should relax.” Damn it, his stupid reflexes and his stupid brain. Why did he have to say  _that_?

Castiel’s eyebrows went up an inch. “Are you suggesting we should find something relaxing together?”

“No, no. That’s not what I meant. I mean, you... Always. I mean, you seem on edge and I suggested you should maybe relax yourself, alone. Without me.” Dean scowled at himself and looked at the table.

“I’m not a huge fan of masturbation,” was the next thing his Boss said. And when did the conversation took turn to the gutter?

That was the absolute great timing from the girl who served them, because she chose that moment to bring them their drinks. She eyed them a little weird and Dean thought the ’feeding to the dogs’ sounded much better now. She left again and Dean could feel his cheeks go red.

He looked at Cas and his boss seemed like he was in a serious conversation, not fazed by the topic. “Um, I didn’t mean that... But why not go out with someone? I see Gabriel and Michael hanging around pubs all the time, you could join them.”

Castiel moved his head in circles, stretching his neck and Dean did definitely not think that that looked like he was preparing himself for a blow job. “I uh,” he let out with a heavy breath and looked at Dean again “I don’t drink and having sex with someone random at a bar, seems very dirty and a den of iniquity.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “Right. How  _do_  you relax then?”

Castiel hardened his gaze upon Dean, like suggesting something but it could have very possibly been just his stare. And Dean did not, absolutely never in his lifetime, need that boner right now. “I find singing on stage very relaxing,” he said after a minute.

Dean gritted his teeth and nodded, looking away and thinking about flying, trying to push his mind on some other topic.

“So you think that I am wearing you out? Being a stiff boss and giving you a hard time?” Castiel asked with a normal voice, but that could mean a storm was coming.

Dean eyed him, with round eyes and shook his head.

Castiel’s mouth corners turned up just a little bit. “I will keep that in mind then and I will try not to be so hard on you.”

And the conversation was dropped, the food came and they ate. Then left the place behind.

After the show, Castiel stepped off the stage and maybe he took Dean’s advice, because he looked more relaxed. If Dean’s eyes didn’t betray him, he could swear that he saw a smile on his lips. Somehow it managed to relax himself too a little and he went to bed that night, feeling safe and comfortable in the not so soft hotel bed. Maybe Castiel Novak wasn’t so bad after all?


	3. My mistake

Dean woke up to the sound of an alarm going off in the early morning. He stretched and yawned while walking into the bathroom. The water was nice and warm, that helped to wash the sleep away from Dean and it relaxed his muscles a bit. When he was scrubbed clean, he stepped out of the shower and washed his teeth, then shaved his little growing stubble. He spiked his hair up just the way he liked it. But when he went to dress up, he stopped. He found himself in a situation where he was thinking what to wear. He wanted to laugh, because he is not some teenage girl who wants to impress some boy, or is he? Shaking his head, he decided to wear all black, besides green button down, he wore as a jacket. It brings out his eyes, the mall lady had said, when he asked for advice. He put on black boots and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked good. He was wearing a smug look and if he swept someone of her or his feet, then where was the harm? At least he felt like himself again, after a long torturous week. He thought about yesterday, how good that day had gone, even if he thought he was gonna end up dead in the end of it. Okay, maybe that kind of thinking was ridiculous, because why would Mr. Novak want to kill him? The worst he could do, is fire him, but Dean hoped he was good enough for him to stay, because he needed the money to live.

He grabbed his things and a navy blue denim jacket, checking the time to convince himself that he was going to be on time. Dean walked to the Novak’s door, remembering his schedule at the same time, and knocked three times. There was a muffled "Come in!“ on the other side of the wooden piece, so he opened the door and walked in on a half naked Castiel. The man was wearing only boxers, which were white and kind of ugly and the most ridiculous socks Dean had ever seen. They had blue, black and yellow stripes on them and little bees on the edge of the sock. His hair was tousled like always and his bed was full of clothes. There also was the fact that his chest looked like something begging to be kissed.

Then Dean understood that he was staring. He looked away and started to back towards the door, mumbling "Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Novak, I will come back when you’re ready.“

"Stop, Dean.“ The black haired said.

Dean came to a stop and risked a glance on Novak.

Castiel looked at him. "I said come in, didn’t I?“

"Yes, you did, sir,“ Dean looked around the room and when he turned his eyes back to his Boss (because looking away from him at that right moment seemed impossible), he saw that Castiel was wearing a confused look on his face, looking at his clothes "Is there anything you need, Mr. Novak?“

"Ah, yes,“ Cas put his finger to his lips and frowned "You can bring me coffee, but first you have to help me. I can’t seem to find appropriate clothes today.“

Dean looked at the bed again and one shirt, in particular, caught his interest. "You listen to SOAD?“ is next what just came out of his mouth and there was no way of stopping it.

"It is one of my favorites, yes.“ Castiel picked up the black tee, wearing white-blue faces and letters.

"Maybe that one, with those black jeans and the black leather jacket?“ Dean didn’t know where that came from, but he always liked when Castiel wore more gothic rock like clothes and you can’t blame him, okay? Besides, black suited Cas.

Castiel nodded, not looking at him. "Thank you, Dean. I will take that coffee now.“

Dean nodded too and took off towards the hotel’s cafe, where he could buy his Boss coffee. _I guess we both have trouble with clothes today_ , Dean thought to himself. When he got back to the hotel room, Novak was fully dressed just the way Dean said he should be dressed. He wasn’t on his phone, which was unusual and he just stood in the middle of his room, hands in his jacket’s pockets. Dean halted and took in his appearance. The clothes suited him perfectly like the fabric was sewed just for him. Dean was doing his best to not to squeeze the cardboard cup he held in his hand. The Novak coughed a little, tilting his head and Dean came back to reality, finding himself staring again. The man was clearly waiting for his coffee.

"Khm, here you go, Mr. Novak,“ Dean handed him his cup and quirked a little smile, hoping he didn’t look like some creepy fangirl.

Castiel looked in his eyes, not breaking the contact when he received his cup and said "Thank you, Dean,“ with his gravelly voice, that could make every girl drip of their fluids. But Dean wasn’t a girl, so something else half happened to him, so he broke his gaze and stepped a little bit back.

"Is there something else, sir?“ Dean looked around in the room, avoiding Castiel’s eyes.

"No, we can go downstairs for breakfast now. When’s my first meeting?“ And then Castiel took his phone out of his jeans and he was himself again. At least, the one Dean knew best. He walked to the door and opened it, stepping into the hallway.

Dean was on his heels and closed the door, walking a few steps behind the man. "At 10, sir.“

"Great, that means we have 2 hours to relax if it is something you can even do.“

"Um, yes, of course, Sir,“ Dean knit his brows a little, thinking back to the talk they had yesterday.

They entered the lift and rode downstair, where they met up with the others and took their seats.

"Whoa, what’s with the black you guys? Did someone die?“ Gabriel asked, eying them both.

Dean looked at the golden man, confused, but then he remembered his black clothes. He didn’t even think about how similar he must look with Cas, black just seemed the most appealing color today.

"Yes, your shower maybe?“ Castiel answered him and looked at Gabriel’s hair pointedly, which was looking sweaty and greasy. _Wait, did Mr. Novak just make a joke?_

"I can’t just pull the time out of my ass, so I didn’t have the time to take the luxurious god damned shower. It’s your fault really, always being on time just like...“ Gabriel was cut off.

"It is not my fault you like to take two girls at the same time, the walls are not soundproofed,“ Castiel answered him a little more sternly and Dean raised his eyebrows. Two girls, huh?

Gabriel gave everybody at the table a wide smile "I can’t help myself, okay? So where’s the food now?“ he looked around, hoping to find someone to take their orders.

Castiel just rolled his eyes and looked at the menu. Right, food. Dean turned his attention to the list of foods and decided quickly on pancakes with bacon.

They finished their food around 9, so it gave them time before the meeting Castiel and the others were gonna have with another entertainment TV.

"We are starting to drive to St Louis today, but we arrive at the hotel after the show, so make sure to book the rooms, Dean.“

"Yes, Sir.“

And Dean went to do just that. The remainder of the time was spent drinking coffee and reading his phone for Mr. Novak. Dean spent his time, reading his book. They finished their appointments by 3 and started the drive to St Louis. The bus ride was quite boring and Dean slept the half way when he didn’t have things to do. The concert went smoothly and it seemed like the crowd was more energized today. Dean could see from the side stage that Castiel was soaking with happiness the fans graced him with. Dean bet the craziness was for the fact that Cas was still wearing the clothes he suggested and he looked damn well in them. When the show was over, everybody was exhausted and wanted to shower and go to bed. They arrived at the hotel and Dean approached the check-in table.

"Welcome to the Renaissance Grand Hotel, have you booked our rooms?“ a dark haired lady behind the counter asked him.

"Yes, hi, under the name of Mr. Novak.“

The woman nodded and typed the name in her computer. She received their keys and put them on the table top, all four of them. Dean looked at the golden things on the table and frowned.

"Excuse me, why are there only four keys? I asked for five rooms.“

"It’s said here four rooms for Mr. Novak with queen beds,“ the lady confirmed.

Shit, he’s screwed up now. "No there’s a mistake. Do you have another vacant room?“

"Other rooms are all booked, Sir. We don’t have any more vacancy, we are sorry.“

Dean wanted to argue some more but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. Castiel was next to him now, looking tired and angry. "Why is this taking you so long? Is there a problem?“

 _Shit, fuck_. Dean reminded himself of all the curse words he knows. "Uhm, it...It seems there are only 4 rooms for us. S-someone has to share a room.“ Dean knew it was gonna be him who shared, he just hoped it wasn’t the bus man.

Castiel let out a frustrated voice saying something that sounded like "For Chuck’s sake,“ and grabbed the keys. He went back to the others and gave them their keys. Dean feared he was gonna have a yelling match with the guy. The Novaks said goodnight, Gabriel and Michael walked to the elevator to ride up to their rooms and even the bus driver went with them, so Dean was about to sigh with relief that it wasn’t him who he was gonna share a room with. But then he understood that Castiel was gonna share a room with him. He was utterly screwed. He is gonna sleep on the floor tonight, that’s for sure.

Castiel stared at him then and it was said without words that Dean should start walking towards him. So that’s what Dean did. When he made it in front of him, Mr. Novak said: "Because it was your stupidity that got us in this situation, you have to share a room with me.“ And then he walked towards the elevators.

They rode up to their floor and made it to their hotel room. It was a decent size for a room, but there was no couch Dean could sleep on and the chair looked uncomfortable. Plus the bed looked too small, even if it was a queen size. "I-I can ask for some blankets or a mattress so that I could sleep on the floor,“ Dean started.

"It won’t be necessary, I can share my bed with you. Also, the floor is hard, I don’t have the power to hear you moan about it all night and in the morning.“ Castiel settled his bag on the chair and took some clothes out. "I am going to bed, you are free to do whatever you like.“ And then Castiel took off his jacket and started to strip, back towards Dean.

"Uh, yeah,“ Dean dropped his bag against the nightstand and started walking out the door, not staying for the show "I, uh, I will go out for a bit, if that’s okay.“

"Do not wake me up when you come back,“ was the last thing Dean heard from Novak.

Dean found a nice quiet bar near the hotel and sat down. He was gonna have to share a bed with his Boss tonight. Why was he nervous, he had no idea. Maybe few drinks are gonna do him some good and relax him, something Castiel always nags him about. He ordered a beer and chatted with the barman a little, complaining about his Boss like every other drunkard. One bottle turned into 2 and then he ordered whiskey. When he finally started walking back to the hotel, he was decently drunk and he had no idea what time it was. It was gonna be okay though, at least now he didn’t freak out about sleeping with the Novak. Although he would _sleep_ sleep with him, Dean thought and snorted at himself. He rode up and walked to their hotel room. He used his spare key that he had asked before going to the bar. He opened the door and stumbled inside, making himself snicker. Closing the door and turning around he fumbled over something and made ’sssh’-ing noise to himself, thinking that he was supposed to be quiet. He looked at the bed, where his Boss was sleeping on his back, looking like someone inside of a coffin. Dean stripped down to his boxers and climbed in the right side of the bed. He sighed when he was nicely warm and comfortable between the soft layers and next to a hot body. The sleep came easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen in the morning?


	4. The morning after

Dean could feel that it was early in the morning and thought his alarm will go off any minute now. But his position was too comfortable to open his eyes. He felt a rising and falling chest under his head and he knew he was using someone as his pillow. The person smelled fantastic, so he cuddled into the chest even more, not thinking clearly yet. From the built of the body that he could feel, it should be a man’s body. It was at that moment, when the body under him went completely still, that Dean opened his eyes. There was a lot of grey in his vision, like some hazy rainy day. But when he blinked his eyes, he saw that it was a t-shirt the guy was wearing. He gazed around the room then and realized exactly where he was and with who. And deciding by the headache, he was hungover. He snapped his head back a little too quickly, hitting the pain hard. Castiel was lying there, still in place, wearing a neutral face. Dean lowered his eyes to his chest and saw a little puddle decorating his grey V-neck. Great, Dean dribbled on his Boss while sleeping. The whole deal left him speechless and he sat there, his naked upper body on a display, wearing a dumb look on his face quite possibly. He probably made their working relationship even worse now. Fortunately or unfortunately, Castiel sat up too, supporting his hands behind his back on the bed and broke the silence.

"I gather you’re a cuddler. Although I never asked for that particular information," Novak tilted his head and squinted his eyes.

If Dean wouldn’t be in this situation right now, he would think that his Boss looked cute. "I’m, I’m so so sorry, Mr Novak. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I think I was drunk and I hope I didn’t do anything worse..."

Castiel put up his hand. "Relax, Dean. Nothing happened, you were just unconscious so it isn’t your fault." His Boss stood up then and took his grey t-shirt off, exposing his lean body and a tattoo on his ribs. Dean’s eyes widened because it looked like his boss was doing that on purpose to tease him, which sounded wrong because Dean was certain Cas hated him. Castiel then looked down on his chest and wiped Dean’s drool, that had soaked through the shirt, off of his right nipple. It looked more pornographic than it should have and Dean was fighting with his body to stay intact. Then the Novak looked up and found his eyes, his own blue’s burning. He extended his hand with his shirt to offer it to Dean "Take this to dry cleaning."

Dean grabbed the shirt. "Yes, of course, I’m sorry again."

"Would you stop with the sorry?"

"Oh, right, so-... Yes, Mr Novak." Dean closed his mouth and stood up, breaking the eye contact. He gathered his clothes from the floor with a red face and dressed in new ones. He heard the other man enter the bathroom and he let out a sigh of relief. Dean looked around the now empty room and thought that it would probably be wise to find his chief a cup of coffee. He left the room and went downstairs where the coffee machine was standing in the lobby. He decided to make himself one too, so he went back upstairs with two cups of black coffee. When the Winchester opened the door, Castiel was sitting on the bed, freshly washed and clothed. How he managed to do all that so quickly, Dean had no idea.

"Your coffee, Mr Novak," he handed the man one of the cups.

Castiel took the cup gratefully and had a sip. He dragged his eyes over Dean’s body for a second and stopped on his chest. "I didn’t know you had our band logo tattooed on you," after saying that he looked into Dean’s eyes, ocean blue glinting with mischief. Or Dean was imagining it.

"Oh that, uhh... It was my brother’s idea and he has one too. Actually, it also is an anti-possession symbol," Dean gulped the hot coffee to relax himself.

"I know," Castiel smiled, just a little bit, but it was there nevertheless „So you are a fan then?“

Dean shrugged, watching Cas’ face, “You could say that, but usually I like classic rock.”

“I know that also, it was on your description paper,” Castiel explained like Dean was some thing coming with a package and a manual. “Do you have a favorite band member of “Heaven’s Host”?”

Winchester’s cheeks reddened. “Uh, no,” he lied.

Castiel just smiled a little wider at that, like knowing the right answer. Then he changed his posture and his cold-blooded impression was back. “Get your belongings together, we are leaving after breakfast to Kansas City, as you should already know.”

Dean nodded and picked his stuff together, making sure he had everything in his duffle bag. First time Castiel had seen it, the distaste for the thing was obvious on his face. But Dean didn’t buy things because they were ’pretty’, he bought things because they were useful. Dean tried not to think about going back to Kansas. He had some pretty bad memories there and he swore he would never go back there. But work was work and he had no other choice. They won’t be there over 24 hours at least, it should be okay. Dean breathed out heavily and went to their breakfast table with his Boss.

“So how was the bed?” Gabriel asked them and wiggled his eyebrows with a wide smirk.

“Nothing happened, Gabriel,” Castiel answered him with a stern voice, just like yesterday. Gabriel rolled his eyes, but was wise enough to not continue the conversation.

“So Kansas City, weren’t you from there, Dean?” Gabriel asked him.

Dean raised his gaze and met his eyes. He did not want to have this conversation either. “Uh, yeah. Lived near there when I was little.”

“So you know the place pretty well then? Michael and I wondered if you could show us around before the show. We have time to spare,” Gabriel offered.

“I-uh. If I’m allowed,” Dean tried to smile, but inside he wanted to hit something. It’s not like he can say no to them without a reason.

Castiel looked up and studied his expression, then turned to his brothers, “Dean and I can join you of course, but only if Dean wants to.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. We can go,” Dean put on his mask which he had improved over the years.

Castiel’s face turned into almost something like sympathy. “You really don’t have to, we understand if you feel uncomfortable about your old childhood town.” How the hell did Cas always read him so well? It bothered Dean.

“It’s not like our childhood was sunny either if the memories are the reason you don’t want to walk around the city,” Michael said with empathy. Gabriel and Castiel looked at him with a look that would be understandable only between the three brothers.

Dean shrugged his discomfort off and smiled “No, really, it’s fine. It’s only reasonable to see the city with someone who knows it well.” After that, he turned his attention to the menu and hoped that the topic would be dropped. To his benefit, it was and they all had their breakfast talking about the  upcoming show and some of the earlier memories of their tour.

Dean just knew the day was going to be hell.

 

When they arrived at their destination, they first went and checked in at their hotel. After the band had their interview, they went sightseeing in the damned place. Dean showed them few parks and statues around the city. In Penn Valley Park, Michael and Gabriel tried their hand in stone skipping on the lake water, what was eventually won by the big brother Michael. Dean didn’t take part of the contest because too many memories were flooding his mind at once and he must’ve worn some kind of awful expression on his face because from the corner of his eye he noticed that Castiel was staring at him quite a lot. If he weren’t battling with his mind, he would have maybe said something about that. Finally, they made their way back to the hotel to get ready. Dean quietly sighed of relief, because the bad, but also the good memories were giving him a headache. The ones that were good, actually made it harder to be there. Most of the time he was thinking about Sammy, his little brother, and hoped he will see him during the tour. With that thought, he went to the lounge room to find his Boss, but he wasn’t there.

“Hey, Gabe, you’ve seen Mr. Castiel?” he asked Gabriel who was reading a comic book on a couch, lollipop between his lips.

The shortest Novak dragged the candy out from his mouth with a loud 'pop’ and shrugged “I think he’s still in his room.”

“Okay, thanks,” Dean nodded and smiled, leaving the room. He found the room where Castiel was staying easily and knocked on it.

“You may enter!” sounded from the room. Dean opened the door and stepped inside. His Boss turned around and raised his eyebrow “Dean, what can I do for you?”

Dean stood in front of the door awkwardly. “I was thinking... Later on the tour, we will be visiting San Fransisco and, uh... My little brother lives near there and I thought...”

Castiel crossed his arms. “And you wanted to go visit him? We won’t have time for detours like today and we will leave after the show, so it is certainly out of the question.”

Dean tried once more “But I haven’t seen him for so long and I would be happy if I only saw him for ten minutes...”

“We rode past our childhood town too, where our friends were, but we didn’t stop to just say hello. We do not have time to give you some fun time, Dean. It is not your job to disobey the orders and you have to follow the schedule that is handed to you.”

Dean scowled. Was he for real?  _So he doesn’t have a heart after all_ , Winchester thought. And now he was angry, because if he would be so close to Sammy, he will see him. “That was your decision not to visit your town and  _I_  promised myself not to come back here, but here I am. Can’t you just cut me some slack,  _Mr. Novak_? I’ve been running around like crazy for you and you can’t do this little thing for me? What kind of Boss are you, if you can’t make your laborer happy with his job? And like Michael said, your childhood wasn’t all flowers and stuffed bears either, so maybe you didn’t  _want_  to go to Pontiac?!”

“Do not think, that you know us, Dean!” They were almost shouting now. But something changed and Castiel gave him a little smirk. Dean frowned and backed against the door when the Novak started to walk towards him. Then Cas was so close, he could feel his breath against his own skin when he talked “Finally you come out to play, Dean Winchester,” he gave Dean a toothy smile and dropped to his knees, hands unbuckling his belt. Wait, what?

“Wha-what are you doing?” Dean looked down where Castiel was opening his girdle.

Castiel looked up, “Making my  _laborer_  happy. I have told you a million times to relax, Dean.” Mr. Novak held his gaze and set the jeans button free.

Dean’s body was reacting before his mind, so when he finally realized what was happening his pants were completely open. He pushed Cas on his shoulders a little “We-we can’t. You’re my boss and what? I mean, what the fuck are you thinking?” Dean couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“I’m thinking that no other assistant has ever talked back to me before and that I can’t go on stage with a massive hard on,” Castiel replied with his voice tipped in sex.

“H-hold on,” Dean stopped him when his hands came up to his boxers “I am not your fucking sex toy!”

Castiel laughed with a deep voice. “I never said you were and besides it was your idea that we should relax together.”

“It came out wrong.”

“Then let it come out right,” Castiel leaned closer, never leaving his eyes, and mouthed on his cloth covered cock. Dean let out a quiet gasp. “We are both attractive men and adults, stop being such a vagina,” Dean snorted at his choice of words “I know you want it, Dean. Let me give it to you.” Castiel kissed his skin above the boxers.

Winchester felt like his body was starting to burn where the lips met his toned skin. Thoughts of this being wrong flew out of his mind and all he could think about was Cas’ warm mouth and how much he wants it. Damn him if he didn’t use this chance. Almost like Castiel could see into his mind, he pulled the boxer downward and freed his erection. Before Dean could say anything else, Cas’ mouth was on him and that sweet wet warmth covered the length of his dick. Dean moaned when Castiel’s nose touched his trimmed hair and the never breaking eye contact made this whole situation even worse. Did the guy even have a gag reflex? Then Cas pulled off, holding his dick with one hand and licked his slit. He looked seriously into Dean’s eyes.

“I want you to fuck my mouth, Dean.”

That was the moment when Winchester’s mind burned into a crisp. When he couldn’t say anything coherent, he just nodded and slid his fingers into the delicate raven hair. He scratched his hair like a cat’s for a second and then grabbed a handful of locks. Castiel took his tip in his mouth again and Dean made a decision.  _If he wants a mouthfuck, then I’ll fucking give it to him_.

Winchester started to rock his hips slowly at first, testing the waters. All the work stress was coming on him at full capacity and Castiel was the one to pay for them. He picked up his pace, panting and watching his Boss’s eyes cloud with pleasure. He was enjoying it, wasn’t he? Dean growled a little and started to fuck his mouth more roughly, punishing him for being a hardass. Castiel outright moaned when he added speed and Dean clenched his hair into his fists. Cas grabbed his naked ass then and started swirling his tongue under his hardness and everything became too much.

“Cas,” Dean moaned and his eyes went closed for a second. He opened his eyes again when Castiel started moving with him, green meeting blue. He moaned again, seeing the desire in his eyes and his flushed cheeks. There were little drops of sweat dancing on Cas’ hairline. Dean knew, he wasn’t going to last very much longer. “I’m... I’m coming,” he managed before he felt the hot white beginning to break through his body. Castiel sucked harder and received his treasure, painting the inside of his throat and mouth. The man on his knees moaned around Dean’s cock and swallowed every drop, gladly accepting his drink. Dean didn’t know he was shouting until he felt his throat burn. His legs were shaking and he was about to collapse.

Cas licked his member clean and tucked him safely in his pants again. Dean let himself slump down on the floor, back against the door. Castiel stood up and took out his own hardness and yanked on Dean’s short hair a little, so that his head was tipped back. Dean looked up at him with a worn out face. Castiel kept an intense eye on him, jerking himself off above him. The bow-legged boy whimpered at the sight and opened his mouth a little, saying a voiceless “ _Cas_ ” as a prayer. The other man made some awfully pornographic noises, enjoying himself and moaning Dean’s name. It was like out of some dream, still hazy from Dean’s orgasm. And not a long time later, his Boss was coming and Dean caught his juice like he was a thirsty man in the desert. He tasted salty and sweet, like salted caramel. Few drops of his semen erupted on Dean’s cheeks, flowing down towards his chin. Castiel moaned one last time, admiring the scene, happy with his job. Dean leaned in closer and licked his tip clean, which earned him a warm pet on his head.

“So good boy, Dean,” Castiel’s voice rasped. He let go of his head and adjusted his pants, stepping back. He looked down at the mess he had made of Dean. “I will mark your brother on the list and he will receive an ’all pass’ like you yourself and you both will be able to have your brotherly time together. I can’t wait to meet him.”

Dean frowned, Castiel’s voice not forming words at first. Then Castiel made a little hand gesture, clearly telling Dean to remove himself out of the way, so the blonde dragged his ass along the ground to lean against the wall instead. When the almost-black haired man left, Dean’s mind burst into life again.  _What the hell just happened? Did he get into a fight with me on purpose? And did he really just say Sam is getting a VIP look behind the curtains?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Do you like it so far?


	5. Money can't buy everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been a while since my last chapter, I had some personal stuff I needed to do and had a mild writer's block (I don't know how to write interestingly), but here's the new chapter! I tried to change a few things to make it more readable, so I hope you like it!

Dean stood up from the ground and made his way to the bathroom. He washed the drying cum off of his face and adjusted himself. He sighed and thought that he probably just made a big mistake. If Mr Novak wanted to fire him now, Dean wouldn’t blame him. He made sure he looked fine, not like he just had a hot blowjob and received a facial from his Boss, and walked out of the room. Dean walked down the hallway to the lounge room, where he found Gabriel and Castiel sitting on the couches. When he closed the door, he stood there for a moment, to see if there were any different reactions to him being there, but everything remained the same.  Castiel was busy looking at his phone and Gabriel only nodded at him, going back to his comic after that. Dean let himself feel relieved and went to stand next to the couch where Cas was sitting.

“Is there anything you need, Mr Novak?“ he asked.

“Yes, some water would be nice,” the man answered without looking at him.

Dean grabbed a bottle from the table and offered it to his Boss.

“Can you pour it in a cup?” was the second request Castiel asked.

“Of course, Sir.” Dean took one of the plastic cups placed on the table and filled it with water.

He was just about to give it to his Boss when the other man spoke. “And add some ice too.”

Dean rolled his eyes internally and went back to the table. Now that the cup was full, he had to remove a little amount of the liquid to add the ice. So he took another cup and put the ice in there and poured the water in from the other cup. _Is Cas being a dick or is he always like this?_ The Winchester thought. Dean took the cup to his Boss once again.

“Oh,” Castiel was still absorbed into his phone when he spoke, “and can you add some lemon slices?”

Dean gritted his teeth and wanted to throw the water at Castiel’s head. Gabriel looked up from his comic, but fortunately didn’t say anything. Commiseration was obvious in his eyes though. Now it was as light as day to Dean, that what he and his Boss just had shared not even 30 minutes ago, was probably only a one time thing. And he was not allowed to speak of it. So Dean remained patient and put two slices of lemons in the drink and gave it to Castiel, who finally accepted it.

“Is there anything else you require, Sir?” Dean was using his sarcastic talking manner, because he was clearly annoyed.

“No, I’m fine for now.”

Dean just sighed quietly and sat down on the other end of the sofa where Cas was sitting on.

 

After the show they began their journey to Denver. The ride was going to be long and because most of the group was tired, almost everybody went to their bunk beds in the tour bus. Some people stayed up, but Dean was too busy thinking about a soft mattress to land on, to see who didn’t go to bed. The road was quite rocky and it felt like being in cradle, like somebody rocketed you to sleep. That made Dean think of his mother and the bang of sadness, he had felt most through the day, came back. If he shed a few tears, nobody had to know. At least he was out in minutes.

Someone talking woke him up. Dean took out his phone and looked at the time, at least tried to, because the light coming from the phone was like looking at the sun. It was 4 in the morning. He sighed quietly and lowered his head back against the pillow. In his fuzzy state of consciousness he only vaguely heard what the voices in the back of the bus were talking about.

“...I have no problem...” a deep voice said.

“Then why do that to him?... Others have been fired for far less...” a higher voice sounded.

“He has pontential... Not like others,” he heard the deeper voice answer.

Dean frowned and blinked the sleep out of him a bit. After a moment he was sure that the deep voice belonged to Castiel and other to Gabriel. Who were they talking about? Was it Dean?

“I’m not saying anything. Just, you seemed...” Gabriel said.

“It’s okay, there’s nothing going on. Maybe you were once right and I am that sadistic bastard who likes to torture people,” Castiel spoke.

Dean could hear Gabe’s quiet laugh. “Not to burst your bubble, but that sounds more like me. If you don’t like him, you can always find another, you know.”

“I like him,” Cas answered maybe too quick with his gruff voice, “I think he is... Trustworthy. Even if he sometimes does a lousy job.”

 _What? I give everything to you, you fucker. Shit, I gave you even my dick_ , Dean told Cas in his thoughts.

“Just don’t go overboard okay? I know you’ve changed, but don’t be too hard on that poor man,” Gabriel snickered.

“It’s rich coming from you,” even Cas laughed a little.

After a discussion of their tour plans, the brothers said goodnight and Dean heard footsteps coming to the sleeping area, when one of them went to bed. Dean was too tired to think much of the conversation, already knowing his Boss wasn’t too fond of him. Maybe Dean was only good for a slave. So he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

 

The next time Dean woke up was thanks to his alarm. He pushed a few buttons on his phone to close the sound and sighed, rubbing his hand over his eyes. A yawn escaped his mouth when he stretched and scratched his lower belly. That was the moment when his stomach started to protest from the lack of food. Feeling hungry and in need of coffee, Dean crawled out of his bed and pulled out his jeans to put them on. He opened the door dividing the sleeping area from the kitchen slash sitting slash front area and saw Castiel sitting on one of the couches. The man was fully clothed and Dean felt a little self-conscious with his naked upper body, but Castiel’s and Gabriel’s conversation yesterday made him not want to make Cas comfortable. He walked to the counter where the coffee machine was on display and poured himself a cup. Looking at Castiel’s grey and tired face, he was certain the man hadn’t drank his morning juice yet. Was he waiting for Dean to make him coffee? Dean shrugged and poured the coffee from the pot to another mug for his Boss. He sat next to Castiel on the sofa and gave him his mug, which he accepted gladly. They both took a few gulps in unison and lowered their cups on their knees.

“What’s the word, Cas?” Dean asked him, not entirely awake yet and regretted calling him by his name immediately.

“It’s a shortened version of my name. And do not use that,” Castiel looked around for a second, but never at Dean and continued, “it makes you seem too confident. But what happened, didn’t make you special, Dean. You’re still just a man, working for me.”

Dean was speechless for a moment. “Right...” he ignored the hurt he felt from Cas’ words, “I meant... Is there any news I should know about... Mr... Novak.” He frowned and looked out of the window. _Why did Castiel act so strange sometimes? And why did he brought_ that _up? Did he think about their time together?_

“No, everything is according to plan.”

Dean nodded slowly and took a sip from his drink. After a while the bus stopped and Dean stood up, looking out of the window. They were parked in front of a Diner. Good, because he was just thinking when were they getting food. Like everyone could smell the aroma from the place, others woke up and made their way to the front. Dean went back to his bed to put on a clean t-shirt and boots. When he got out of the bus he stretched one more time and breathed in the fresh and delightfully warm air. Breakfast didn’t last that long and soon enough they were back on the road. They arrived at Denver by 3 pm and made themselves at home in their hotel. When Dean went to the city, to bring his Boss a late lunch and some supplies, he left Castiel’s grey shirt at the dry cleaning and picked it up after his runs. When he finally gave the now clean shirt back to Cas, the man had a few things to say.

“Finally, I was beginning to think that it would require you some years to cleanse it,” Castiel said, when he received his shirt. He folded it up and put it on his pillow. “As you know,” Cas began, sitting on the edge of the bed, “tomorrow, the ride takes up the whole day, so we will be in Las Vegas by night. My brethren have showed their interest to ‘go to town’, so I’m asking you if you have any plans.” He even did real air quotes with his fingers, which looked funny coming from him. But why was he asking anyway?

“Uh, not yet, no, Sir.”

“Good, then you are coming with us. Take it as extra hours at work, the pay will be double.” Castiel was about to dismiss him, by reaching for his phone, but Dean stopped him by speaking.

“Wait. You’re saying that you think that I need to get paid to go drinking with my, uh, coworkers?” Dean frowned at him, because he didn’t like the sound of it. It made him look like a hooker of some kind.

“Isn’t the money why you’re here?” Castiel was looking at him with a confused expression, “I don’t want to take up your free time, but I think you don’t have any choice, but to come. Gabriel insisted and I’m willing to pay you, because maybe I’ll need your services.”

“What kind of services? Holding your purse?” Dean waved his arms in front of him, because Cas was being ridiculous. “Or what, I’m some kind of slut now and you need a fellatio?”

Castiel’s brows furrowed and he looked furious for a moment. “No, I don’t pay for having sex and I only suggested the money to make the situation easier for you. I might ask you for some things, like as simple as bringing me tickets or a drink and it _is_ the job you usually do. It’s not like you would _want_ to spend your free time hanging out with me and my brothers.”

Dean walked a little closer to him and raised his hand in mid-air. “Okay, let’s get some things straight, _Cas_ ,” he was using the nickname just to be the disobedient pain in the ass, “You don’t have to pay me for anything other than my regular work. I would like to go out and have some bro time with your brothers, but I can’t say the same for you. Sorry, but I barely know you and all we have is a business relationship. But I would bring you tickets and whatever you want as a friend. Because clearly you yourself are so incapable of doing so. So yes, tell Gabriel I’ll be coming with you and shove your pity money up your ass, because I actually enjoy the time with your brothers.”

Before Castiel could answer, Dean marched out of the room and made his way to his room. Only when his door was closed and locked, he let out the breath he was holding. “Holy shit, that was close,” he told himself.

Dean was a little bit worried –and by little bit, he meant overreactingly worried- what Castiel was going to do to him. Was he going to fire him or yell at him? Because he sure yelled at him and he hoped it wasn’t enough to make Cas’ nerve go black. Dean never took the money he didn’t earn and why was Cas so certain that he didn’t want to go out with them? Or did he think that Dean wouldn’t want to come, because his Boss was going to be there? Of course Dean would never confess his secret crush on the guy, but he hadn’t done anything to make Cas believe that Dean hated him, or had he? Accepting Castiel’s request to give him a blowjob and then after willing himself to submit to the guy by letting him violate his face, wasn’t called hate in Dean’s book. Whatever Cas thought about him remained mystery and the guy was pretty weird most of the time, so maybe Dean should’ve seen this situation coming. Maybe his Boss actually wanted to have sex with him in Vegas, because everyone knows the saying. Shaking his head, Dean threw his thoughts out and went back to work.

When he finally met Castiel on the side stage, the man simply told him to take his water bottle next to his microphone and adjust it’s height for him. When Dean came back, Cas thanked him and followed through his usual ritual before the show, which consisted of stretching his body and fingers, and humming the gamut. Maybe some of Dean’s words found their way into Castiel’s skull and he was considering his employer skills? At least maybe things were getting better between them. Only time will show and Dean could not wait for their little trip in Vegas.

After Denver, they had 10 hours to spend on the bus. He played cards with Michael and Gabriel and some other games that were possible to enforce on a bus. Castiel kept quiet most of the ride and held himself hidden in the far end of the bus. Time went by incredibly fast and soon they were at their huge and expensive hotel, making plans where to go in the city. Gabriel opted on going to a casino named Lotus and Michael said they could find some bar afterwards, because bars in casinos were expensive. Dean wanted to laugh at that, because they were famous enough to take baths full of money, but then again, he was the one who lacked money, so cheeper bars sounded better. They all had their suits on, because it was Las Vegas after all. Gabriel was wearing a ludicrous golden suit jacket with a red bow tie, completed with white dress pants and shirt. Michael was looking formal in a dark blue suit with black tie and button down. Castiel looked the most casual between them, wearing a black suit with a white shirt and blue tie that looked a little askew. Dean himself was wearing a light blue button down with a white collar, a silver tie and black suit. Gathering their things, the boys went into town.

The casino was huge as hell and Dean managed to lose his companions two times into the blurry neon lights and sparkling machines. Gabriel was having the best time out of the four, waving his money at various tables, sometimes winning sometimes losing. There were a few fans who came up to them and asked autographs, because it was forbidden to take a photo inside the place. Dean had to help Castiel out of a situation where the people who were surrounding him, started to push into his personal space. Dean tried a few slot machines, losing half of his money already.

It was the third time he managed to get lost in this freaking place and while looking for a familiar face, he pumped into someone.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” a woman voice said.

Dean stepped back a little and was greeted by emerald eyes and long brown hair on a gorgeous body. “No, no, it’s okay. I didn’t look where I was going,” he smiled at her, because that’s what he always does when a nice looking body is near. Dean turned his eyes around the room and then back to the young woman “And I think I’m lost.”

“Yeah, this place is huge!” the woman answered with a enthusiastic voice. She eyed him with a mischievous gaze and Dean knew the game was on. Maybe having a one nighter isn’t so bad in Vegas.

Dean smirked wildly and offered his hand. “I’m Dean.”

“Candice, but you can call me Candy,” she smiled wickedly and dragged her eyes over his body, biting her bottom lip approvingly.

Dean’s eyebrows went up a bit. “Well aren’t you a sweety.”

And then a firm grip on Dean’s bicep dragged him backwards an inch. Behind him stood Castiel, with a rumpled suit and fucked up hair. “Finally, I found you. We are leaving, now.” He started to pull Dean again.

Dean frowned “Really? Now? I was-“

“Dean, keep walking,” Cas said with an authoritative voice and yanked his arm.

Dean looked back at the woman apologetically and turned his face to Castiel, struggling to walk past the people at the same time.

“Hey, I was talking to that woman.”

“She was a prostitute, Dean. We can’t afford you being arrested during our tour,” Cas was looking ahead of him with a serious look on his face.

“How’d you know what she was?”

“She was wearing the boots.”

“What boots?” Dean scowled.

“The prostitute boots,” Castiel still wasn’t looking at him, but his cheeks picked up a reddish color.

Dean snorted a “Yeah, right,” but kept walking. He was walking so close to Castiel, that he could smell his cologne. “Is that Hugo Boss?” he asked and sniffed his neck, getting a little closer, not thinking what he was doing.

Cas watched him at the corner of his eyes. “Matter of fact, it is.”

Dean laughed then. “You always want to be on top?”

“Don’t make fun of me,” Castiel said with a stern voice, but he was blushing, “it was a joke gift from Gabriel, but I liked the smell of it.”

“Uh-huh,” Dean smiled, but didn’t say anything else. To his surprise, he saw Castiel’s mouth corners twitch a little upwards.

They made their way to the front of the building and met up with the others. Finding a bar near the hotel, they went inside. The boys sat down behind the bar for the better service and ordered beers. Dean was sitting between Castiel and Gabriel, Michael next to Gabe. After the first beer, Castiel was sporting a pink nose already, saying it had been a long time since he had a drink. They talked and had a few laughs, Cas next to Dean keeping more on the quiet side again. But it was nice to see his Boss in a more relaxed environment. After two beers, they ordered shots. It was well past 2 am now, but they were having a good time. Gabriel and Michael shared a few stories from their childhood, even Cas joined in at times _(“Cassie really believed, that frogs turned into princes, so we challenged him to kiss one, which he did,” Gabriel laughed. “Hey, you were pretty persuasive!” Castiel protested)_. And Dean talked about the pranks he and Sam had done to each other. The best pranks were when they actually pranked someone together. Dean really missed him.

After four beers and three shots, Castiel was starting to droop on his bar stool a little. First he just started to poke Dean for no good reason. When Dean asked him, if he needed anything, Cas just shook his head and made a face that he was innocent. The other brothers luckily didn’t notice it, because it was beginning to feel more intimate, when Cas started to pat Dean’s back, feeling the fabric under his palm. It didn’t bother Dean that much, but the look of Cas did. When Castiel wanted to order himself another shot, Dean stopped him, saying he’s had enough, judging by his red eyes.

Dean stood up and told Gabriel and Michael, that he should take Castiel back to their hotel, because he was too drunk, even if the others felt fine. Gabriel nodded and Michael said “There’s painkillers in his travel bag’s front pocket.” Dean nodded and thanked them for a good night and dragged Castiel out of that bar.

“I’m not that drunk,” Castiel reasoned in a rough voice, tripping over his feet.

Dean huffed. “Yeah, I can see that. Time to go, buddy.” He hauled his drunk Boss in the nearest taxi and gave the driver the hotel address.

“Dean,” Castiel put his hand on Dean’s forearm and caressed his sleeve, “you are so smooth.”

“Dude, you’re a lightweight.”

“Are we going to have sex now?” Cas went straight to the business.

Dean scowled. “No, you mister, are going to bed.”

Castiel looked dissappointed, sunked down on the cab’s seat. The colors from outside the window danced on his face. “Why not?”

“You’re drunk, I’m not going to take advantage of you.”

His Boss crossed his arms and looked like a little child. “You are no fun.”

Dean just laughed a quiet laugh, because who would know that when his Chief drank a little alcohol, he would become a grumpy 5 year old. When they arrived at the hotel, Dean managed to get Castiel in the elevator and to his room. It was a spacious suite, with a king sized bed and big windows. The room was dimmed with the city lights breaking through the glass, so Dean didn't press the switch. He lowered the now sleepy man on the bed and loosened his tie, pulling it off. Castiel opened his eyes and watched him behind his heavy lidded slits. Dean squatted and took off his Boss’ sensible shoes, placing them neatly next to the bed.

“Come on, sit up a bit,” he ordered Cas, who obeyed and sat up. Dean took his suit jacket off and started to unbutton his shirt. Then Castiel leaned forward and kissed him. It took Dean by surprise, stilling him for a second, but then he yanked his head back a little. “Stop it, we are not going to fuck.” He pulled Cas’ shirt off his body. But Castiel tried again and kissed him open mouthed, smoothing his tongue over Dean’s lower lip. He smelled and tasted like alcohol. As desirous as it looked, Dean didn’t kiss him back, because the dude was obviously drunk and wouldn’t want to kiss him when sober.

“You’re drunk, Castiel.”

Cas just huffed quietly, but didn’t try anything again and fell onto the mattress. Dean pulled his pants and socks off. He found painkillers and a clean shirt from his Boss’ bag and put the pills on the nightstand, so that they would be at hand’s reach in the morning. Dean pulled the shirt on Cas somehow. He went to the bathroom and came back with a glass of water, offering it to Cas, who drank the whole cup empty. Dean filled it with water again and set it on the nightstand too. When he was about to leave, Castiel grabbed his wrist.

“Please stay,” he said quietly and there was something broken in his blues, when Dean looked in his eyes. Something inside Dean tugged at his heart and his mind made a decision to follow the request.

“Okay, but no funny business, alright?”

Castiel nodded, pulling the bed cover to his chin.

Dean stripped down to his boxers and climbed under the covers, leaving space between him and his Boss. The bed was softer than his own room’s.

Cas turned his face towards him and asked “Can we cuddle? I know you like it.”

Dean smiled a little and answered “Eeh, why not.”

Castiel snuggled against his body and threw his arm over Dean’s waist, leaning his forehead against Dean’s chest. Dean didn’t move at first, but then his resolve crumbled and he put his palm against the man’s back. This was going to be awkward in the morning, for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just say that the woman in the casino wasn't a hooker and Dean was c-blocked


	6. The games we play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really on fire this weekend, so I ended up writing a new chapter. I am so excited for it, so I'm just gonna publish it now, although I haven't proof read it yet so I just wanted to warn you about the inevitable mistakes!! I will correct it eventually tho.  
> And hope you like it!

Dean woke up to something warm against him. He could feel himself cocooned with someone on a soft bed, shining sun burning his exposed skin through the windows. Something soft and fuzzy was tickling his chin, which in Dean’s experience should be hair. Quiet snoring came from the person’s mouth, trapped inside Dean’s arms. He opened his eyes and looked around the room, yesterday slowly drifting back to his mind. Right. He fell asleep with Castiel in the same bed again and they were still cuddling. Dean tilted his head backwards and looked at his Boss’s face. It was relaxed and it appeared like he was having a good dream. His mouth parted a little, breathing humid air against Dean’s chest. It made the Winchester’s hair stand up on the back of his neck. He studied Cas’ face quietly, eyes skimming over his perfect plump lips, his dark eyelashes, his cheekbones. Castiel’s three day stubble decorating his flawless strong jawline, his colorless birthmark between his eyebrows, little crinkles next to his eyes which came from smiling of squinting. And in all that, Dean couldn’t find any form of imperfection. Suddenly he realized he was watching someone sleeping and felt like a creeper. And everything became too much, too close, so he started to back up from the angelic face, trying to break free from the spell. But Castiel frowned in his sleep and hardened his hold on Dean’s body. He made an offended noise and buried his face in the scent of Dean, relaxing again. The green eyed blonde chewed his bottom lip, searching something in his mind that he should do. He looked ahead some time, gazing the black and white flower patterned wall. His eyes went to the clock on the nightstand. It was already 9 and usually all the band members were up by then. He had to wake his Boss up or he’d be mad.

Thinking of his next moves, how to wake up this mess of a man as gently as he could, he decided that maybe patting his hair helped. It was not about how Dean wanted to touch them at all. So he slipped his fingers through Castiel’s bird nest, stroking few hairs away from his forehead with his thumb. The next thing he wasn’t expecting. Cas made a sound, almost like purring, melting under his palm. Dean was taken aback a bit, because that was a whole new light seeing his Boss like this, who normally stuck up and without emotions. A little smile crept up on Dean’s lips and he even blushed because of it. And he found how much he liked seeing Castiel like this.

But reality reminded Dean that he could never have this, so he quietly said “Mr Novak?” He took his hand out of his hair and pushed on his shoulder. “Mr Novak, wake up.”

An angry “what?” sounded against Dean’s skin, followed by a huff.

“Um, it’s, uh, late? We should wake up.”

There was silence for a long time until Castiel somewhat stilled, his muscles going hard with the tension. A muffled “Dean?” was lost somewhere between their bodies. Mr Novak yerked himself back with a surprised face what changed quickly into a face in agony. “Ugh, my head,” the man said with a rough morning voice, touching his temple with his long fingers.

Dean sat up and reached over his Boss, taking the medicine and water from the top of the nightstand. Castiel leaned against the bed’s headrest, going away from Dean as he towered over the dark haired man. Dean sat back on his side of the bed and offered the pills to his Chief.

“You were pretty wasted last night,” he said when Cas took the painkillers.

Castiel frowned a little and swallowed the pills down with water. Holding the glass and trailing his ocean blues over Dean’s body, he looked confused. “Why are we in the same bed together?”

“Oh, uh,” Dean lowered his gaze in his lap and blushed a little, “you wanted me to stay.”

“Did we...?”

Dean snapped his eyes back at the man. “No, of course not. You were drunk and I would never...” Dean blushed again, remembering how his Boss had kissed him, but he decided to keep this little information to himself.

Castiel moved himself around and noticed the time. He sighed quietly and stood up, placing the cup on the cupboard. Then he looked down on himself and noted the changed clothes. “Did you dress me?” he looked up, a scowl on his face.

Dean’s eyes widened a little, thinking he was going to be in trouble, but held his composure. “I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable,” he said and he cringed at his words in his mind.

Castiel raised one eyebrow, but didn’t say more on that topic. “Get yourself dressed and bring some coffee. Also if you could find something to eat, that would be preferable too.” With that he made his way into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

 _So it’s settled then_. Dean stood up and stretched, dressed himself in his yesterday’s outfit and went on a food hunt. When he came back with changed clothes, two big cups of coffee and two croissants with cheese and ham, his Boss was standing in the middle of the room, with a towel around his pointed hips and a dripping wet body. Dean almost tripped over his feet, feeling his blood run a sprint to south. Castiel turned around with his usual closed off face, but in his eyes Dean could see a quiet unspoken pride.

Dean cleared his throat and put the things on a small table in the bedroom. “Do you, uh. Do you want me to leave, so you could get ready?”

Castiel looked into his eyes for a long moment. Finally he blinked and turned away from facing Dean, picking up a shirt on the bed. “No you can stay. I mean, you have seen my penis before.”

That talking manner should not be sexy, but that sentence combined with Castiel’s dark voice and dripping body, Dean had to bite his tongue so he wouldn’t whimper. He sat down behind the table and hoped his jeans would cover his hardness.

Cas tucked the shirt on, leaving it unbuttoned. Little water droplets from his damp hair left a pattern around the collar. Then he lowered his towel and threw it on the bed, leaving his gorgeously tight ass on display. Dean bit his bottom lip hard and rubbed his wrist against his growing lump in his pants. Feeling guilty by doing so, he quickly placed his hands on the table and withdrew his gaze. But then Castiel, the damn bastard, decided it was totally suitable time to fucking stretch, extending his hands heavenward and grunted when his back made a few pops. Dean chanced a glance back and saw his tyrannosaurus prick hanging between his parted legs. He had to swallow his hunger and turn his eyes on a different kind of hunger lying on a table. Dean grabbed his croissant and filled his mouth with the pleasant flavor. He only vaguely remembered how good Cas’ cum had tasted like and some day he should freshen his memories.

After minutes on torture and burning his gaze in the table, Dean could finally breathe, because his Boss put his boxers on at last. He also yanked on his pants and socks, but left the shirt open. He took a seat opposite from Dean and had a sip from his coffee cup. Dean was deliberately avoiding his gaze, only looking at his food while shoving it in his mouth.

“Do you always eat like a pig?”

Dean stopped mid-bite, holding the bread against his lips, and looked up at his Boss, who was looking at him curiously. The Winchester lowered the bread and chewed the remains still in his mouth.

“Do you always go around naked in front of people?” Dean bit back.

Castiel’s eyebrow quirked upwards. “You had the chance to leave the room, which you didn’t do.”

“I don’t know, maybe you can’t even exist without your adorable assistant?” Dean was beginning to warm up around his Boss and he didn’t know if it was good or bad.

“Getting cocky, aren’t we?” Castiel was glaring at him with all his wrath now, not standing down, “You forget, Dean. I gave you a job, I can take it away.”

Dean gulped, because Castiel terrified him sometimes and also because his voice dropped few octaves into the wet sex. Before Dean could say anything, Castiel leaned back in his chair. Dean hadn’t even noticed that the dark haired man had been coming closer to him.

“Although, I’m glad that you seem to be warming up.” Closing the conversation he took his crossaint and had a bite. He moaned when the savor hit his taste buds.

 _God damnit, you are killing me_ , The winchester thought. Dean coughed and put his bread on the plate, rubbing his hands together “So, uh. Shouldn’t we meet up with the others. It’s getting late.”

Castiel bored holes into Dean’s eye sockets with his piercing blues. “I think my brothers are still sleeping, we had a late night after all. But I guess you are right, because I have some changes I want to do before our performance.”

Dean nodded. “Do you have any tasks for me?”

“Not particularly, but advise you to keep close to me.”

“You got it, Sir,” Dean smirked for good measure. Did he really have somewhat normal conversation with Castiel Novak?

 

The day went by fast, but at least Dean wasn’t running around town like a madman. Dean didn’t know what the singer wanted to change on their usual song list, the band members held it to themselves, so Dean was quite excited about that. Sometime in the middle of the concert, the band talked with each other for a moment and Michael played some foreign chords on his guitar.

“So, I know usually we don’t do covers or covers like this, but... Today I feel like it, because this song kind of gets me, you know?” Castiel explained to the public, “It’s an old song, but we will play the version Florence Welch did,” most of the crowd erupted into screams. Dean didn’t know the name, so he was ready to listen carefully. “Here’s The Girl With One Eye,” Mr Novak said with a louder voice and was awarded with screams and clapping.

 _Huh, weird name_ , Dean thought.

Easy guitar notes filled the air and Castiel was quietly rocking himself left and right. Then he started to sing, something angry stinging his voice. “ _She told me not to step on the cracks, I told her not to fuss and relax. Well, her pretty little face stopped me in my tracks. But now she sleeps with on eye open... That’s the price she paid_ ,” Novak’s voice was rough as ever and suited the song, even if Dean hadn’t heard it before, “ _I took a knife and_ cut _out her eye,_ ” Dean saw him do a grabbing motion with his hand and that combined with the hatred in his Boss’s voice, Dean thought maybe he really wanted to cut someone’s eye out. “ _I t_ _ook it home and watched it wither and die. Well, she's lucky that I didn't slip her a smile.That's why she sleeps with one eye open, that's the price she paid.“_ After that, the drums started to play and it seemed like Cas was enjoying himself, moving with the music. „ _I said, hey, girl with one eye. Get your_ filthy _fingers out of my_ pie _. I said, heey-eey, girl with one eye. I’ll_ cut _your little heart_ out _, ’cause you made me cry_.“ He was really emphasizing with the words ’filthy’, ’pie’ and ’cut out’. _Who crawled up his butt?_ Dean snorted to himself. _And what’s with the pie?_ Although, Dean wouldn’t mind, if there was any pie, because he loved him some pie.

„ _I slipped my hand under her skirt_ ,“ at the same time, Novak dragged his own hand up his thigh and fucking grabbed his crotch, which turned up the heat in the hall about thousand degrees. Many fans were making wolf whistles. _Wow, he’s on fire today_. „ _I said don’t worry, o-oh, it’s not gonna hu-u-urt! Oh, my reputation’s kinda clouded with dirt. That’s why you sleep with one eye open uu-u-up. That’s the price you paid.“_ Now drums really filled the concert hall, going into more of a rock themed music and Castiel started to really get into it, throwing himself left and right, rocking his heart out and pouring his emotion in it. „ _I said, hey, girl with one eye. Get your_ filthy _fingers out of my_ pie _. I said, heey-eey, girl with one eye. I’ll_ cut _your little heart_ out _, ’cause you made meeh.... cry_!“ There was someone back singing at this point and Castiel left his usual spot in the middle and danced around the stage, waving his short hair. Dean had never seen him done that, lose himself like that, at least not on the shows he had seen. _’You made me cry’_ was repeated with the assistance of drums. After a while Castiel went back to his microphone and sang the last lyrics, venom in his voice. But when the song ended, Dean saw him smile victoriously and the crowd was going crazy.

After the show, the air around them was light and full of electricity. The brothers were really happy, because the show had went so well and they told Castiel, that they should play that song again on their other shows, because obviously Cas had enjoyed it. Castiel said, he’d think about it. Soon they went back to their hotel and brothers said goodnight. Dean was about to go into his room, when Castiel stopped him.

„You don’t want to cuddle with me anymore?“ he asked him, amusement on his face.

Dean turned around and frowned at him. „What?“

„Well, you seemed pretty cozy today in the morning,“ there was a half smile playing on his lips and Dean couldn’t decipher if he was being serious or not. But the offer was tempting.

„I...What?“ Dean asked again.

Castiel just laughed him off and said „Goodnight, Dean“ and went back into his room.

Dean stood in the middle of the coridor for a moment and then hid himself in his hotel room. _Was he playing with me?_ Dean pondered on that for good ten minutes and then his decision was made. _Well, two can play that game_. Dean packed his stuff and went downstairs, giving away his key. Then he toddled back upstairs and knocked on his Boss’s door.

It took Castiel a moment to answer the door and Dean hoped he didn’t wake the guy up. The red door opened and Cas appeared in the entry way, in his boxers and decently fucked hair. He seemed confused. „Dean?“

The Winchester smiled charmingly and held up his bag. „I accept your offer and I returned my room, so here I am.“

Castiel eyed the bag and then Dean’s face. „What?“ It was his time to use that word.

„You know, you shouldn’t play with guy’s feelings. It is your fault you got yourself in this mess.“

„You are not serious,“ Cas glared at him with a very serious, no-joke face.

Dean bit his tongue and just shrugged. „Are you going to let me in or what? I can’t sleep on the corridor floor.“

Castiel sighed and opened the door wider, letting the other man in. „You do realize, it was just a joke, right?“

Dean smirked wider and set his bag on a couch, „Yep, but you shouldn’t joke around me. Just sayin’.“ He looked around the room.

Mr Novak closed the door and crossed his arms. „I should really leave you here on that tiny couch, but then again I couldn’t bear your whining in the morning, so I guess we have to share again because of your stupidity.“

Dean just smiled widely at him. Castiel huffed and looked mildly pissed off and stomped into his bedroom and under the covers. If he always looked like a grumpy huggy bear, then Dean would push his buttons every day.

 

Dean felt a wave of pleasure wafting through his blood, but it went away quickly after that. But another wave broke into Dean’s system and he gasped for air. He felt something rub itself against his half hard member and he started to slip into consciousness. He opened his eyes, but closed them right after that, because another pleasure wave flooded Dean’s body. His hand made it’s way to the person’s hip, who spooned with him, and hold onto it tight. Dean pushed his nose in the back of the man’s neck and breathed in his scent. He smelled like sweat, lime shower gel and something like spring water and morning dew. Dean pressed his arousal into the thight ass, making the other man moan appreciatively. The Winchester opened his eyes and looked at his Boss’s dark hair in the darkness. Dean was little worried of what they were doing, again, but he was already so hard and yesterday was a torture. Might as well hit it, his morning brain told him.

„Didn’t know you were the one for somnophilia,“ Dean said with a raspy voice.

„You were the one with a sleep boner,“ Castiel answered him.

Dean smiled a little and asked „What’s the time?“ and snaked his arm in front of Cas, palming his erection.

„Mm...five,“ Cas’ voice hitched slightly.

Dean hummed. „You really wanna do this?“

Castiel’s voice dropped, when he spoke the next words: „Yes, fuck me, Dean.“ He gave another shove backwards to justify his statement.

Dean breathed hot air on the back of Cas’ neck and felt his goosebumps where his skin touched the other man. Then Castiel leaned forward, almost unlinking them and grabbed something from his bag next to the bed. He snuggled back against Dean and gave him the bottle of lube.

„We don’t need condoms, we’re both clean,“ he stated.

Dean laughed quietly. „I swear, that was the reason I had to take the tests.“

„Your healthiness has to be in check for the sake of others, Dean.“

Dean didn’t answer him. He removed both of their underwear and pushed his Boss on his stomach. Castiel was quick to response and lifted his ass up, offering himself to Dean. The sight was glorious and it made few drops of pre-cum flow out of Dean’s dick. The blonde haired man licked his lips and slid his hands over Cas’ cheeks, parting them to reveal his pink rose. He grabbed the lube and squirted a small amount on his two fingers, rubbing them together and seated himself between Castiel’s legs. He circled his finger on the rim, making Cas shiver and moan in the pillow. He prepped him slowly, starting with one finger. When he had two in, he started to crook his fingers, searching for the special place inside Cas.

Castiel started to get impatient and said „Is it really that hard to find- oh...“, but he was interrupted when Dean hit the right spot. Dean smiled widely and friskily. Now his Boss didn’t have anywhere to escape.

Dean started to move his fingers faster and soon his was pounding them ruthlessly, expanding Cas’ hole. He added the third finger and made his Boss writhe and plead for him to be really fucked.

„ _Dean_ ,.. _do it_ already...“

„Mm, what’s the magic word, Cas?“

Castiel grumbled something, like it was against his nature to beg. „P-please, Dean. I-I need your cock.“

Dean snickered. „Okay. Since you asked so nicely.“ Dean withdrew his fingers and lubed his dick up. He took Castiel’s hips in a firm grip and positioned himself, pushing in slowly. Cas did just the nicest sounds, when Dean finally, _finally_ slided home. It was almost too much, so Dean stilled for a second, relishing in the moment. Cas moved his ass a little, almost like massaging Dean with his hole. Dean let out a dark growl, delighted with the gesture. Then he started to move and not slowly. He started pulling out and pushing in with quick blows, giving it to him like the sinner he was. He changed his angles time to time, trying to find Castiel’s prostate, when eventually, Cas started to scream. He slided his hand on the man’s stomach, forcing Cas to hold himself up on his arms. He yanked the man up, so his back was against his chest and palmed his member against his belly, holding him up. Dean’s other hand was still gripping Cas’ hip and Dean was sure, he’d have bruises there afterwards. He wasn’t going to give him a handjob, wanting Castiel to come undone just by his dick, so he banged him even harder, groaning and growling into the man’s ear. Cas’ head fell on Dean’s shoulder, a loud cry of joy escaping his mouth. Dean was getting close, but he wanted Castiel to come first, so he fed his prostate like a madman. Castiel started to shake in his arms, quiet „ _Dean_ “ on his lips and soon the pure white filled Dean’s hand. When Castiel was done coming, Dean lifted his arm and painted his Boss’s face with his own cum. Cas parted his mouth and licked some of the fluid off of Dean’s hand, like the good boy he was. Dean watched how he ate his own cum with a blissed out face. And that what did it and Dean was coming hard into his Chief, screaming „ _Cas_ “, few droplets of semen trickling out of the hole and down his shaft and Cas’ thighs.

The both of fell on the bed, breathless and sweaty, swimming in their mess. Dean pulled out of him, earning an actual whimper from Cas, and laid down next to him on his back, closing his eyes for a moment. When he relaxed, he opened his eyes and looked to his right, finding Cas staring at him, so he stared back. Meanwhile the sun had risen and now Cas’ eyes were shining in the red and orange light. There was something in there too, but Dean couldn’t figure it out, because before any thoughts made their way into his mind, Castiel stood up and walked into the bathroom, locking the door.

Dean sighed quietly and stood up too, wiping himself in the sheets. He took out his new clothes and went to the little kitchenette in the adjoining room. He washed his hands and cock and put his clothes on. He went out and got his Boss a coffee and put it on the little table. He guessed that Castiel would need some privacy so he took his bag and carried it to the bus and then joined the others for breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know the song and want to listen to it then it's "The Girl With One Eye" by The Ludes, but Cas sang the Florence + The Machine version.


	7. Hello, little brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait.

“Why are you limping, bro?” Gabriel said.

Dean looked up and then in the direction Gabriel’s gaze went, to see in fact a uncomfortably hobbling Castiel. First Dean thought, what might have happened to Cas, but then he remembered the morning. Oh, right.

His Boss made some kind of confused and surly face, sitting down on a chair around the table. “I think I pulled something yesterday on the stage,” he said with such conviction, that even Dean would’ve believed him, if he hadn’t known the reason behind his discomfort.

“Oh, try to take it easy today then,” Gabe smiled at him with sympathy.

Castiel nodded and Dean had to look away, not being able to keep his cheeks going red.

They ate breakfast and started their trip to LA. They didn’t do much in the city, not bothering to walk amidst the busy people, so they remained inside for most of the time. After the show they hopped on their tour bus and began the ride to San Francisco.

Dean dug out his cellphone and walked to the far end of the bus, where he could be alone. He dialed Sam’s number and waited him to pick up.

“Dean?”

“Heya, Sammy,” Dean smiled, being happy for just hearing his little brother’s voice.

There was a sigh on the other line. “Couldn’t this wait ‘til morning?”

“No, I have stuff to do in the morning. I thought you’d be more excited for tomorrow,” Dean laughed.

“Believe me, I am,” Dean didn’t have to see Sam’s face, to tell that he was smiling, “Just thought I could actually sleep before tomorrow.”

“Yeah, well, sorry. I don’t make the schedules. Anyway, uh, you have to go through the back door, to get in. It’s where the band staff’s parking lot is. If you say your name to the security guard, you will get your All Pass and you have to wear it at all times and do not lose it.”

Sam huffed. “Dean, I know and I won’t lose it. What time should I be there?”

“I think around six is okay, at least I hope I’m not doing anything severe then.”

“Come on, it can’t be that bad. Castiel is the most kind person there is.”

Dean laughed quietly. “That’s what I thought, but then again you haven’t even met the guy. You just wait. Even Gabriel is more normal than him, and that’s saying something.”

“Yeah, Dean, I’ve heard your bitching about your new Boss, but have you ever considered the possibility that you are the problem, not him?”

Dean scowled, even if his brother couldn’t see. “Yeah, right. I’ve done everything nice for him and all I get is a blank look. The man’s freaking robot I tell you.”

“His your Boss, try to be nice.”

Dean huffed. “He’s a fucking mystery, that’s what he is.”

“He is giving me a free show, I’d say it’s very generous.”

“But only after...” Dean cut himself short and thought for a moment. Why _did_ he give Sam the All Pass?

“Wait. Did something happen between you two?”

“What? No!”

“Dean.” The older brother was certain that Sam was sporting one of his famous bitch faces right now.

“Look. We had a little argument, but then he just gave you the ticket and was done with it. I really don’t know what made him do it. At first he was against it.”

“Maybe he likes you,” Sam was teasing him now.

“Shut up. Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

“Alright alright, you giant, go back to sleep now. I’ll see you tomorrow, call me when you get your ass there.”

“Yeah, bye.”

Dean ended the call and ruffled his hair, yawning. _What a brat_ , Dean thought. But he loved him anyways.

 

They arrived just before 8 AM. Dean got out of the bus and stretched his body, groaning at the sore spots. He breathed out and looked around. The air was warm, with the sun glinting in the sky.

“Have you contacted you brother?”

Dean startled and looked behind him. “Jesus! Wear a bell.” Dean grumbled angrily, mostly because he was embarrased that he was frightened.

Castiel remained silent, squinted his eyes and tilted his head.

Dean got his heart beat to normal and stood up straighter. “Yes, I called him yesterday.”

“And what time will he be here?” Cas stared him straight in the eye.

“Around six,” Dean shrugged.

Castiel lifted his brow and stared at him for a while. Then breathed out and said “Fine then. Tell me if he presents himself. I hope you still understand that you need to accomplish your work schedule with your brother here. Perhaps he can help you with more irrelevant things. But as I said before, I am looking forward to meeting him.” With that his Boss took off to God knows where.

Dean sighed, but was happy to even see his brother. With that constant happy reminder, that Sam would be here, next to Dean soon enough, made Dean go through the day with ease. He was obedient as always and wasn’t so grumpy while doing his tasks. Other crew members looked at him differently too, but maybe it was because Dean was wearing the goofiest grin on his face.

 

It was near 6 o’clock, but Sam wasn’t there yet. Dean stood in the hallway with Castiel and Gabriel, listening them yammering about something. The reason why Dean was there, was that he had to stay close to Castiel at all times at that moment, for pleasing Cas when the need came. And pleasing meant everything in non-sexual context. Dean was in his own mind, not paying attention to the conversation, until he heard Gabe talk.

“Oh my candy stick, who is that delicious looking giant?”

Dean frowned and looked towards the end of the hall, noticing the man he was talking about. He should’ve been disturbed by the way Gabriel was talking about his brother, but Dean couldn’t help himself and grinned, almost running down the hall.

“Sammy!” Dean yelled triumphantly when he was just few feet away.

Sam turned towards him and already had his arms ready. “Hi, Dean,” he said as he hugged his older brother. Dean clapped his back and squeezed his jacket for a good measure before withdrawing.

“You made it!” Dean smiled.

“There was so much people outside and the traffic was horrible, but here I am,” Sam lifted his eyebrows a little while smiling and shoved his huge paws in his jacket. He looked over Dean’s shoulder and his eyes started glinting even more.

Dean frowned and turned to see who was Sam looking at, to find the Novak brothers making their way to them. Gabriel was the first one to reach them, body language enthusiastic.

“Hi, you must be Deano’s _little_ brother. Although I’d say mighty big,” Gabe offered his hand with his usual smirk.

Sam huffed a laugh and actually blushed. “Yeah, I’m Sam. You must be Gabriel.” He shook the other man’s hand.

“That I am.” Gabriel took a step back to let his brother near the new shiny thing.

“Sam,” Castiel greeted and took his offered hand between his two, “Dean’s younger brother. It’s so nice to finally put a face to a name, I’m glad you made it. I gather that you already know my name?”

Sam smiled politely. “It’s so good to meet you too and yes, Castiel, I know your name.”

Castiel nodded and held a hand towards Gabe. “Gabriel and Dean will give you a tour, if you will excuse me, I have to attend a meeting.” After saying that, he turned his back and walked away.

Gabe sent him with his look for a while, but then turned his golden eyes back at Sam. “Yeah, sorry for my brother’s formality, he still thinks we live in the 18th century,” he smiled widely.

“It’s fine, Sam’s a sucker for old talk. So a grand tour, huh?” Dean answered for him, worried that maybe Cas was beginning to regret his decision.

Sam did a mild bitch face but nodded. Gabriel started walking in the direction he came from. “If you’ll follow me.”

Sam walked behind Gabriel and listened to his comments about the rooms they passed. The sentences like “Here’s my oldest brother’s dress room, but that’s quite boring, so we can just pass that”, “This is my room, full of sweets just the way I like it, although they refused my offer to put a pool of Jell-O in here” and “This is were I bang. My drums, I mean of course” were thrown around carelessly. Dean thought, that maybe he was seeing how Gabriel flirted up close for the first time and it made him a little uncomfortable. Sam wasn’t any better either, making fanboy eyes at the trickster at every single moment. Dean had the liberty for the knowledge that Gabe was his favourite drummer, but kept his mouth shut. One, because he was the big brother and didn’t want to embarrass Sam. Second, he was sure that if he would betray his brother like that, Sammy would tell Cas that he belonged to Dean’s spank bank.

After half an hour of being the third wheel, Dean was saved by Castiel, who wanted help in his dress room. Dean said to Sam, that he would meet up with him again when he’s done, and left the two to their sick flirting.

Dean opened the door to Castiel’s room, finding him sitting on the middle of the floor, surrounded by piles of band T-shirts.

Cas looked up, with a little lost puppy expression, holding a shirt in his lap. “There was a mix up with the merchandise and now we have to group the shirts with the same design in same sizes.”

Dean looked around the floor, afraid to step forward. “And how exactly did the shirts explode on your floor?” Dean frowned down at him.

Castiel was quiet for a while, with a blank look. “I thought pouring them on the ground would make it easier, but now everything is even more tangled.”

Dean laughed quietly and took off his boots, not to make the shirts dirty while accidentaly stepping on them.

“Do not laugh at me. We all make mistakes.” Castiel gave him his famous death stare.

Dean just smiled and shook his head, sitting in front of his Boss who looked lost amidst the colorful clothing. “Alright, settle down, I’ll help you if you ask nicely.”

“Please, Dean, I need your help, as I am so incapable of moving my arms without your presence,” Cas used deep sarcasm with his sassiness.

Dean lifted his brows, but didn’t say anything, feeling full from being fed his own words to him. He took a pile in his lap and started separating the different colors and designs. When he had three heaps of the same shirts in different colors in his lap, he started to check the sizes. He put the first black shirts with the band’s logo and name on the couch next to him in a row from sizes extra small to extra large. He turned his gaze to his Boss, who hadn’t moved a muscle.

“You know, it might go quicker, if you offer me some help.”

Castiel looked in his lap for a second, then in Dean’s eyes. “I have no idea what I should be doing,” he admitted honestly.

Dean pointed at the shirts on the sofa. “Just pick out the same designs and put them in the same pile. We can seperate the different sizes later.”

Castiel nodded and went to work, stacking the shirts into various mountains. Dean finished with the ones he had on his lap, then helped Cas with the others.

“Okay,” Dean said when they had about ten different mountains of shirts, “Now lets start with this pile, adding the sizes on these shirts I already divided.”

They worked in silence for a while, until Castiel broke it. “Sam seems nice.”

Dean stopped momentarily and looked at his Boss’s face, which was deeply concentrated at the task in hand. He didn’t look up at Dean. “Yeah, and?”

“I hope he is having fun. Even with Gabriel, who can be a little too much at times.”

Dean huffed in amusement. “Oh, trust me, he is having fun alright.” Dean went back to his shirts.

Castiel lifted his eyes up at Dean’s face. “Excuse me?”

Dean stopped again and met his Boss’s eyes. “Uhm, I mean... He, uh...” Dean searched for words that wouldn’t out his brother, “As I said, he has a tattoo with your band’s logo as well and he was very happy when I told him that he was able to come here. He is happy to meet one of his favorite bands and I believe he is having a lot of fun, because it’s like a once in a lifetime chance.” Dean almost patted himself on the shoulder, because that speech was maybe one of his best ones.

Castiel nodded slowly. “In that case, are _you_ having fun?” Cas squinted his eyes a little, waiting for an answer.

Dean looked around the room for a moment. “I can’t really have fun while doing a job, but I do appreciate being here.” Green met blue again. “I guess, I should thank you for putting up with me.”

Castiel raised his hand in a defensive gesture. “No need for that. I am glad you’re here,” he said. His fingers twitched a little and his face went blank when he put his walls up. Dean was sure that his Boss didn’t mean to say that.

The older Winchester smiled a small smile and went back to the shirts. Novak cleared his throat and did the same thing.

They finished the job in an hour and placed the shirts in different bags. The paperbags had each a symbol, signifying the shirt sizes. Now instead of shirts, the room was filled with more than thirty brown paperbags.

Dean saved Castiel his breath and said, “I’ll get these to the front desk, you should get ready.”

Cas nodded, but just when Dean was about to leave, he said “Thank you, Dean.”

The blonde looked back and smiled with one side of his mouth. “No problem.”

 

Dean put two bottles of water next to Cas’ mike and looked down from the stage to see that people were starting to fill the concert hall. Some of the fans waved at him and he waved back. Maybe they had seen pictures of him as Castiel’s PA or just wanted to wave at him with interest. Either way, Dean had no idea. The warm-up band was going to be on stage in fifteen minutes, so Dean stepped off the stage and walked through the doors that lead him to the hallway. He found two guys laughing there at something and made his way next to them.

“Hey guys, I was wondering where you went.”

Sam looked up at his older brother with a grin still on his lips. “Oh, we lost track of time. Gabe was just telling me one of the stories of the road trip.”

“Oh shoot. Is it really that late already?” Gabriel looked at his phone time and then the two of them. “I have to get ready, see you at the side stage, Moosey.” With that, he took off.

Dean frowned and looked at his brother. “Moosey?”

Sam’s cheeks reddened a little. “I told him that you sometimes call me Moose.”

“Wow, he’s gone on you already.”

“Shut up.”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

 

The brothers watched the show together, Sam being excited and Dean being happy. It was obvious, that Sam was even more fond of Gabriel now when he had actually met the guy. Dean didn’t know what to think about that yet, because Gabe was more of a ‘hit it and quit it’ kind of guy. At least he knew Gabriel was interested in Sam, because he spent most of the time flirting with his younger brother. Considering his confusing relationship with Castiel, he should not judge.

After the show, Sam saw the green room and hanged out with the band and Dean. They got along well and even Castiel was showing more emotion than in weeks. Dean would not admit it to anyone, but he was kind of jealous. Maybe he wanted Cas to laugh quietly at his jokes too, or get a comment like “Your hair looks very great. I can’t see the reason why you should cut it”. But he was happy that they were becoming friends nevertheless.

Soon came the time, when they had to hop on their tour bus. Sam got two handshakes from Michael and Castiel and a hug from Gabriel. Then they were left alone.

Sam looked at his brother’s face with a small smirk and sad eyes. “So, time for you to leave.”

“Yeah,” Dean turned his eyes on Sammy, “I’ll see you as soon as I can, though. There’s a gap in the tour in October, so maybe I’ll be able to come visit you.”

“Okay, yeah. Maybe.”

They were quiet for a while, watching the tour bus being filled with bags.

“So Castiel doesn’t seem that bad.”

Dean looked at him. “That’s because he was nicer than usual... Which is strange actually.”

“Or maybe because you are overreacting,” Sam turned back at him.

Dean frowned. “Hey, I’m not imagining my aching muscles at the end of every day and his irritated face.”

“You are not easy either.”

“I’m fun to be around with!” Sam just laughed. “What? I am!” Dean defended himself.

Sam patted his shoulder and then gave him a hug. “You will get along eventually. I’m sure.” Dean huffed, but hugged back. “When you get the time, we can Skype, okay? And then you can tell me all the bad things that your Boss did as usual.”

Dean rolled his eyes and took a step back. “It was nice to see you, Sammy.”

“You too.”

They smiled and said goodbye.


	8. Pure as Purgatory

The past few days went by in a blur. They made their way from San Francisco to Vancouver. Dean and Cas had sex second time in Seattle. After the show, Castiel was riding his high and allowed Dean to take him doggy style, while jerking himself off. Their work relationship didn’t change, though. The Winchester hoped that things were getting better between them, but he was wrong. They still seemed like they hated each other, Castiel being a dick and making Dean run extra more. Dean quietly thought that maybe Cas just wanted Dean to be fit and good to look at. But then his thoughts got darker, thinking that Dean was only a simple sex toy to his Boss, so he decided to not think at all. Dean found himself drinking more at nights, in his hotel room. Going to a bar didn’t seem as desirable as it used to be, so Dean bought himself a bottle of whiskey and drank one third of it in one night. Falling asleep afterwards was easier too, because the bed was right there, not miles away, if he had visited a bar. The sex with Castiel didn’t make his mind any better and after that he drank himself to sleep again. He blamed his bad mood on his Boss and bad decisions as usual. Dean made a few calls to Sammy and his friend Charlie, who insisted a Skype call. But Dean was keeping busy with bringing food and drinks to his Boss, so he didn’t really have the time to pick up his computer.

But when they made their way over the States border to Canada, something relaxed in Dean. Vancouver was weirdly cozy, familiar and felt like home, so Dean found himself being at ease there. Maybe something changed in his road trip mates too, because everyone was friendlier. Or maybe it was the different land. No American stereotypes, greener landscapes, the feeling of pure freedom in the woods. When they arrived at their hotel at 5 AM, Castiel said that he wanted Dean dressed in sports clothing and waiting in the lobby for him. Dean thought that his Boss was crazy, not letting him go to sleep although they just had slept the whole night in the bus. But Castiel was still his Boss, so Dean pulled on black sport trousers, a dark blue shirt and light grey hoodie with a zipper.

He shoved his fists into his hoodie’s pockets, waiting on his Boss and yawning. He looked out the window and saw that the short grass in front of the building had morning dew on it. It was colder in the north, but it was still the other half of the summer, so it wasn’t freezing.

“Are you ready, Dean?”

Dean jumped a little and turned towards Castiel. He cleared his throat. “Ready for what?”

Castiel just looked at him like he was stupind and then walked out the door. Dean frowned and followed him outside. He could see silver breath swirling outside Castiel’s nostrils when he stood there, in the light blue and yellow colors of the early morning. He looked beautiful.

A black car parked in front of them and Castiel opened the door. He gestured Dean to get in. The Winchester looked at the car sceptically, thinking that maybe _now_ was the time when Cas was going to kill him. When he continued to just stand there, Castiel’s face grew more impatient and he finally said in a loud and intimidating voice, “Get in the car, Dean!”

Dean jumped again, but obeyed and sat in the back seat. His Boss did the same and closed the door and the car took off. Dean looked around in it and then outside until his eyes landed on his Boss. Castiel was sitting quietly and looking in front of him.

“Wh-where are we going?” Dean’s voice grew embarrassingly high in the end of the question.

Cas turned his cold blue eyes on his face. “Didn’t I tell you?”

Dean thought for a moment and then shook his head.

Castiel’s face softened a little at the dawning. “Oh,” he sifted a little, “we are going for a morning run.”

Dean scowled. “You had me kidnapped for a freaking run?”

Castiel was the one to frown now. “I didn’t kidnap you.”

Dean gestured around him with his hands. “What is this then? Again one of your ‘I’m Boss, you have to do as I tell you’ shenanigans?”

Cas looked down and looked slightly offended. He stayed silent. Dean was about to apologize, when Castiel spoke “I needed a body guard to protect me while I run. The last time, there was an incident with some people who recognized me on the streets. But I didn’t want some uptight security guard stranger.”

There was something left unsaid and Dean thought he heard it. _I wanted_ you.

Dean sighed, feeling like a dick himself and searched for his next words carefully. “Sorry. I, uh. I’m quite used to running by now, so I think you made a right choice.” He smiled quietly.

Castiel didn’t say anything else and turned his eyes out of the window. Dean copied him and looked at the trees flashing by the screen. They were out of the town now, driving some place private. The car stopped not long after and they stepped out. Dean stretched his back and started to stretch his legs before the run.

“So, uh, what’s the plan?”

Castiel turned towards him. “Don’t stretch before the run. You will exhaust yourself like this.”

Dean looked up, stopping for a second and then straightening up, feeling dumb.

“I think we will run as much as we can. There are narrow roads in the woods.”

Dean nodded. “Okay, sounds cool.”

And then they were off. It was nothing like Dean’s usual frantic running, it was slower and calmer. He listened the birds singing and leaves rustling in the wind and Castiel breathing in and huffing breath out. It almost sounded the same when Cas was having sex and that distracted Dean much more than he wanted to admit.

They had been running for at least twenty minutes now. Dean was still going and didn’t feel tired but he felt bored. Looking at trees and listening to the nature was refreshing, but the silence from Cas was deafening. So Dean tried to make some small talk.

“So, uh... You do this often?”

Castiel looked at him at the corner of his eyes for a moment and then forward again. “I try to go running when I can. I enjoy running. It sometimes feels like I’m flying.”

Dean scrunched up his nose because of the flying part. He hated flying. “I _knew_ you had runner thighs!” Dean exclaimed, happy that he had been right when he had seen one of the more revealing pictures of Cas before he had met him. Seeing him naked only confirmed his strong thighs. But now saying it out loud, Dean sounded weirdly stalkerish. Like he’d been watching Cas and thinking about his legs every day. But Castiel huffed a laugh and Dean sighed, relieved that his Boss didn’t think he was some strange pervert. Dean cleared his throat. “So how fast can you go?”

Cas shrugged, which looked foreign on him. “I haven’t measured my speed.”

Dean smiled then. “I’m pretty fast. I’ve gotten good training the past few weeks.”

“I know. I was there when you banged me like a Duracell rabbit.”

Something in that sentence made Dean blush. “I mean. I... ahem. I was talking about my errand runs.”

“Oh, that too then. But I doubt you could outrun me.”

Dean quirked an eyebrow. “Wanna bet?” He didn’t let his Boss finish and sprinted forwards, rushing past the trees and bushes. He heared Cas saying something behind him and then his quickening step. Dean didn’t want to risk looking back and laughed, yelling “Keep up, Grandpa!” He ran faster, hearing Castiel closing in. And with a rough yank he was being pulled back and against a thick tree. The Blonde’s eyes widened as he looked at the raven-haired man who had his hands grabbing Dean’s hoodie’s lapels, holding him firmly against the solid wood. The blues were burning holes into green summer grass, watching closely.

“I won,” Castiel said with a lowered voice, rough from running. Dean felt his breath against his skin, as he leaned closer. He couldn’t look away from his insistent stare and felt that he couldn’t move. Dean wanted to say something, but nothing came out. Cas’ eyes dropped to his lips and Dean thought for a second that he was going to kiss him. But he didn’t kiss him where he wanted to be kissed. At least where he wanted to be kissed the most.

Castiel loosened his grip a little and leaned in, pushing his lips into Dean’s sweat coated neck. His skin started prickling where the contact was made and he felt how his legs were starting to melt. Cas kissed and nipped at his neck, licking the salty taste off from his body. And it felt amazing. There was no holding back that moan that escaped Dean’s mouth when Castiel bit his collarbone. Cas had pulled his shirt down a little and now had new skin to access. His other hand wandered beneath the hoodie, keeping Dean warm as it massaged up his spine. It was weird, because they had never done something like this. All the three times they were intimate, they went straight to business. And two of the times, Dean was leading. But Castiel’s soft and wet lips against his smooth skin felt like heaven. Dean grabbed his shoulders.

Cas’ hand made it in the front and he lifted Dean’s shirt. The cold air hit Dean’s skin and his nipples hardened. Next thing he knew, Cas bit one of them softy, sending spikes of pleasure through Dean’s body. Dean groaned and closed his eyes, resting his head against the tree. His second nipple was being pinched between two fingers, warming his body with arousal. It was beginning to get too much so he pushed Castiel away a little bit, just so he wasn’t in contact with his mouth on Dean’s skin. The Winchester surged forward and attacked Cas’ neck. Kissing and biting and licking it. He was careful not to leave a mark.

Castiel grunted and pushed him against the tree again. Suddenly he was in hurry and yanked both of their pants down, revealing their boners. He lifted Dean up, almost effortlessly, making the blonde gasp in surprise. Dean was so taken aback, that he had to wrap his arms and legs around Castiel. Their cocks touched each other, making them both moan and delighted with the contact. Cas was holding him up with his body and one hand against the tree, bringing the other hand to Dean’s mouth.

“Spit,” he demanded, so Dean made sure his hand was nicely wet. Cas took them both in his hand and gave a few slow strokes to test the waters. Dean whimpered at the touch, leaning his head backwards. Castiel took the opportunity and nipped at his throat, starting up a steady rhythm. Now all Dean could hear were their little sighs and moans, the wet sound of their members being taken care of by Cas’ hand, forest sounds completely forgotten. The speed only grew and Dean’s pleasure only raised and raised until he was coming, moaning like a  pathetic girl against Castiel’s neck, mixing the fresh air with his nice earthy scent. In his cloudy state of post orgasm, a nice plan came to his mind. He slipped his hand in Cas’ shirt from his V-neck and pinched his nipple and that was what set him off. Castiel groaned, rough voice mumbling ‘Deans’ against his ear. Dean pushed his head back a little bit, to see Cas’ blissed face and smiled at the sight. Castiel’s eyes were almost black, blue glittering like halos around the dark force. His lips were red from kissing Dean’s skin and his hair was nicely fucked up. Dean held his hands in his Boss’s hair and kissed his forehead with too much affection. When he pulled back, he saw Castiel blink a few times and the realization dawned on Dean. _Shit, why did I had to do that?_

Castiel smiled mildly however. He helped Dean on his legs again and stepped back, looking down at the mess. There was two large matching wet spots on both of their shirts. Cas pulled his pants up and cleaned his hand on his shirt. Then zipped up his dark green sweatshirt like nothing ever happened, hiding the evidence. Dean did the same and bit his lip, feeling the awkward kicking in. Did he really just whimper and whine against a tree in the middle of the woods in Canada? Castiel started walking on one of the trails, leading supposedly out of the forest. Dean followed him, keeping quiet.

It was quite light outside now, the sun had came up higher in the sky. Dean held his hands in his pockets, walking silently. But he had to say something. What was going on between them? Were they fuck buddies? Did they have a hate and sex relationship?

“So...” Dean started.

Castiel slowed a little, so Dean could walk next to him. “Yes, Dean?”

“Uhm... I’m just gonna ask, okay? What’s this? What are we doing?”

Castiel looked around, anywhere but Dean. “I don’t quite know myself either.”

Dean watched how his legs walked beneath him. “But you were the one to take the first step.”

“True.” He stayed quiet for a moment. Searching for words. “I guess I was frustrated. And like I said, I don’t like taking part in a sexual act alone. Also you seemed... still seem to like it, so I thought there was no problem.”

Bull. It had to be. Castiel said something about Dean coming out to play, he had to have that in mind before and therefore it couldn’t be random. But Dean wasn’t going to pry in the details. “Are we like, fuck buddies now?”

“I’d prefer the term ‘friends with benefits’,” he did air quotes, that dork, “more friendly.”

Dean snorted at the pun. But when Castiel looked surprised by the sound, Dean presumed that his Boss didn’t know that he had made a joke. Dean looked at him and just shook his head. “Okay then. But it would make more sense if we got along as friends as well.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“I don’t know. Doing something what friends do?”

“And what do friends do?”

“Uh... Go out drinking, be each others wingmans, watch movies and something like that.”

“I don’t drink and I am not in dire need of a mate, if I already have you. So it leaves us movies.”

Dean bit his cheek at the word ‘mate’. “Yeah,” he answered more quietly, “should do that.”

The road to the car seemed shorter than the other one they had took for running, because they made their way back to the civilization in ten minutes.


	9. Slumber Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for adding this so late. I had a little character crisis, but chose not to change anything that I had already written. I should warn tho, that some characters may seem a little off (and there are some grammar mistakes for sure), but in the end I promise it will all make sense.  
> On another note, I have a week until I have my own little road trip, so I don't know when I'll add another chapter, but I have good ideas coming so bear with me!  
> And thank you all for still reading this, hope you like this chapter too!

“Dean,” his name was followed by an arm on his shoulder. Dean turned around and was face to face with Castiel. He nodded a little, to give him a confirmation that he was listening. Cas moved his hand off of his shoulder and altered his stance. “Would you like to join me for a movie tonight? As friends, of course.”

Dean remembered their earlier talk that day, about how they should become friends to improve their ‘friends with benefits’ label. Sure, Dean had suggested movies, but he didn’t know that his Boss wanted to do that on the same day. Maybe moving so fast, forcing the friendship upon them wasn’t such a good idea. But the thought of watching a good movie before going to sleep, didn’t sound so bad. It’s not like they are going to do something else, is it?

The Winchester shrugged and nodded. “Yeah, sure,” he looked around for a moment. The day had passed them smoothly and they stood alone in the hotel’s hallway. “Should I, uh, change first?” he asked, turning his eyes on Cas again.

“If you wish. When you’re ready meet me in my room,” Castiel shared his stare for a second with Dean and then walked away.

Now that Dean had known his Boss for more than a month, he began to grasp at the conclusion that Castiel was actually a little nerdy dude with almost non-existent people skills. Something must’ve changed, because Castiel didn’t express that he wanted to become friends with Dean before. He just seemed to use the new assistant for his own needs, wether they were sexual or not. But today seemed different than before. The run in the forest, the almost kissing and the almost decent treatment throughout the day. Dean sighed and gave up on that thought, because maybe he wanted a friend, just didn’t know how to ask for it like a normal human being. And Dean couldn’t hold it against him, because even he wouldn’t mind becoming friends with one of his idols. He just hoped that that meant better communication.

Dean changed himself into flannel pyjama pants and pulled a faded black AC/DC shirt over his head. He ruffled his hair with his hand and put on the fluffy motel slippers, just for kicks. They actually felt pretty neat around his feet. He looked around the room. _Should I bring something with me? A bag of chips, maybe?_ He shrugged and exited his room, locking the door. When he made his way to Castiel’s door, he knocked on it a few times.

The door opened up after a moment and there stood Castiel, also in something that looked like sleep-suitable clothing. They stood there, Castiel staring at Dean. He lowered his gaze until he saw the slippers, which made him tilt his head.

Dean cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly nervous. “Uhm, can I come in?... Or are we having a staring match in the hallway? Whatever floats your boat, man.”

Castiel snapped his eyes up again and shuffled away from the door, giving room for Dean to enter. Dean walked towards and looked around the room. There was a little table next to the bed filled with food. And in the middle of popcorn, chips and cut vegetables, laid two huge pieces of pecan and apple pie.

“Dude! You got pie?” Dean turned around and raised his eyebrows at Cas.

The other man stood in the middle of the room. “I read from your description that it was one of the most preferable foods for you.”

Dean snorted and thought about kissing the guy. He clapped his hands together and rubbed them against each other. “So, what movie are we going to watch?”

Castiel was still just standing there, slowly showing signs of confusion. “Pardon me?”

“The movie. Have you picked one yet?”

Realization dawned on Cas’ face. “Oh, yes the movie... No, I couldn’t come up with a suitable film to watch.”

Dean frowned a little. “Well, um. What do you usually like to watch? Got some faves?”

Castiel seemed to think about that for a moment. “I enjoyed “The Lion King”.”

Dean laughed, but stopped when Cas looked at him sternly. “Wait... You’re serious?”

“Why would I not be serious?”

“But that’s a kid’s movie.”

Castiel stayed quiet and looked at his socked feet, holding his arms behind his back. He seemed so vulnerable, it was adorable.

“Okay, yeah. It wasn’t that bad. But, uh. Have you seen any other movies? You know, with a little bit more action and eye candy?”

Cas shook his head. “No. We didn’t have a television when we were younger and I only watch news when I have the time.”

Dean threw that information around his head a little bit, forming a decision. “Okay. That’s settled then. I’m gonna teach you the joys of our technological times.” He smiled widely, accepting this challenge.

Castiel just looked at him with wide eyes. “There should be a movie renting menu in the hotel’s television.”

Dean took the remote control into his hand and turned the TV on. He sat down on the bed and started sorting through the movie lists. Castiel walked around the bed and sat next to him, making himself comfortable against the headboard.

“So what genre would you like to meet first? Drama, action, sci-fi...romance?” Dean’s distaste for the last suggestion was evident in his voice.

Castiel again seemed to struggle for words. Dean actually liked to see him wordless for once. “I really don’t know what I would prefer.”

Dean scrolled down and saw a movie that held his interest. “What about the Avengers? Have you seen it?”

“No. That sounds brutal.”

Dean smiled. “Nah man, it’s about these superheros who are saving the world. I enjoyed it, maybe you’ll like it too.”

Castiel shrugged.

“Okay, tell you what. Let’s watch the first Avenger movie first and then you’ll decide if you want to see the other movies or not.”

“Okay.”

Dean put the movie on and gestured at Castiel then the TV. “Castiel, meet the Captain America.”

Castiel’s brows turned into a scowl. “I don’t understand. We have a president.”

Dean looked at him dumbly. “It’s fiction, Cas. It’s not really real. And it’s just his name.”

“Oh,” Cas turned his eyes towards the television and seemed to shut himself off for the sake of the movie.

Dean took the opportunity to stuff his lap with the goods from the table. He placed the popcorn bowl and one of the chip bags between them, while crunching on a carrot. They watched the movie for a while and Dean was happy with his snacks, but the two pieces of pie were luring him towards them. All the while, Castiel hadn’t made a move, only watching the screen and letting Dean do his own business. Finally Dean gave up and put the bag of chips back on the table, taking the plate containing pecan pie. He gave it a quiet whiff and damn, that smelled good. He took the fork and cut into the slice, bringing the God’s given gift to his mouth and tasting the flavor. The taste was overwhelming, causing Dean to moan quietly. _That_ was the moment when Castiel eventually moved. He turned his head towards Dean and the other man blushed slightly.

“Don’t judge me, ‘kay? Just try it yourself.” He scooped another bite onto his fork and offered it to Cas. Castiel leaned his head closer and slowly pulled the pie off of the fork with his mouth, while keeping eye contact. Dean gulped and waited for an answer.

Castiel chewed the piece for a while, then swallowed and hummed. “You’re right, Dean. I can see why it is so desirable for you.” He wrapped his fingers over Dean’s hand and cut himself another slice and brought their hands up, taking the bite. A little bit of substance got stuck at the corner of his mouth, but it was wiped away by a pink and wet tongue. Dean’s eyes followed the movement and he found himself leaning in. Castiel’s eyes glanced at the Winchester’s lips and then dragged up to his eyes. His eyebrow quirked upwards, when he understood where Dean was going to go, but the moment was broken when Cas dropped his arm and sat back again, turning his focus on the TV.

Dean frowned, his hope for a kiss crushed. He looked at his pie a little aggrievedly. At least he got his dessert, right?

After two slices of pie and more than two hours, the movie credits ran across the screen. Dean turned to look at Cas, who had held a blank face through the whole movie, but was now shedding tears. On high alert, Dean sat up straight and chanced a touch on his shoulder.

“What is it? You didn’t like it?”

Cas swept under his nose with his hand and blinked. “He never made it to his date. That is so doleful.”

Dean looked at him in amasment as he saw him cry for the first time. There was so much emotion there that Dean thought for a moment that he was gonna get whiplash. _I should do something... Right? Comfort him? Maybe pet his head?_

“Um... It’s okay. D-Do you want a hug?” Castiel nodded, so Dean wrapped him inside a warm embrace. He caressed his back, trying to be comforting, while his Boss sobbed against his shoulder. “Hey, hey. It’s okay, it wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“But he missed the opportunity on real love and now he has to live an eternity without it.”

Dean smiled lightly. “If that made you bawl like a baby, I can’t imagine your reaction to Mufasa’s death.”

Castiel backed up and wiped his eyes. “That was one of the worst moments of my life.”

The Winchester studied the singers face and couldn’t help but smile once more, because Dean swore he looked like a little child. A cute little child. “What about something funnier now, hm?”

Cas nodded and sat back in his usual place, but now he covered himself with the blanket. Dean searched the movie list, looking for a suitable movie. “Mm, what about Iron man? He’s an Avenger too, but that movie wasn’t so sad. Actually, it’s awesome.” He glanced at Cas, who nodded in agreement. That was all he needed, so he pressed play. “And this movie has some awesome soundtracks too.”

Few minutes in the movie, Cas had calmed down and was enjoying himself again, at least that what it looked like. Dean really couldn’t tell, because it was like looking at an empty sheet of paper.

The next thing Dean remembered was jolting awake in the middle of the night. The TV was still on, giving a little light to the otherwise dark room. He felt something move in his hair and on the first impulse he jerked his head back and he sat upright. He looked at the bed, looking for a spider, but all he saw was Castiel’s hand on his lap, where Dean’s head just had been. He must’ve fallen asleep then. Fortunately, Dean’s jumping didn’t wake up his Boss, because he was still snoring quietly in, what seemed, like a really uncomfortable position. Dean took the remote and turned off the TV. He lifted the cover and climbed under it. He turned towards Cas and slowly pulled him downwards, so he would be laying rather than sitting. When his Boss was in somewhat suitable pose, he lowered himself on the mattress, sighing quietly. He stilled for a moment, when he felt the other man move, afraid that he had awaken him. But Cas only turned on his side and put a sleepy limb over Dean’s stomach. It warmed his body and that was the only reason he didn’t push it away. Dean turned under the arm, back facing Cas, and settled down to sleep.

 

Second time Dean woke up, the room was filled with light. There was no warmth against his back now, but he didn’t want to wake up nevertheless. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it closer to his nose. The thing that woke him up though, was a harsh slap of denim against his face. He blinked his eyes open confusedly and looked around, seeing his jeans on the bed that were just thrown at his face.

“What the-“

“Get up, Dean. You’ve been snoozing far too long.”

Dean looked up at the face of one Castiel Novak. “What, what time is it?”

“It’s ten and I already had my run and breakfast. You have to buy something for yourself for the road, if you don’t want to skip your morning meal.” Cas was packing his bag already, looking fresh and clad.

“What? Why didn’t you wake me?” Dean furrowed his brow, dissapointed to have to skip the warm breakfast.

“It’s not my job to be your personal alarm clock. I, in fact, am not your personal anything, I am your boss and _I_ hired _you_ to keep _me_ on the schedule.”

The Winchester felt how the warm sleep and feel of content dripped away from him with drop by drop. “What crawled up your butt?” he mumbled under his breath.

Castiel stopped whatever he was doing and pointed an accusing finger at the other man. “Do not talk to me like that or else you’ll be fucking fired! Understand me?” There was piercing blue fury in Novak’s eyes.

On top of his now bad mood, Dean felt a little bit scared. “Yes, Sir. I understand.” After that he shut his mouth and got up from the bed, taking off the pyjama pants and pulling his jeans on. _Wait, how did he get my jeans? Did he go into my room?_

“I already packed your bag, it’s over there,” Castiel pointed on a chair where stood Dean’s duffle bag, “You should thank me for making your job easier.”

Dean looked at his bag and then his Boss. Honestly, Dean didn’t see any reason to be this rude in the morning. Unless of course, if Cas hadn’t had his caffeine yet. “Thank you. Mr Novak.” The Blonde cleared his throat and took his bag, shoving the plaid pants in it and taking out a toothbrush to brush his teeth. Dean spent five minutes getting ready, abandoning the desire to shave and shower. He left his black band shirt on and grabbed a jacket. Castiel was already waiting for him at the door, reading something on his phone. Was he really back to being a heartless bastard, making Dean do his slave job? Were the last few days just to encourage Dean, so that Castiel could yank the carpet from under him and laugh when he landed on his ass? Despite his inner battle for justice, Dean didn’t dare to say anything. At least he still got his job. Without it he would be moneyless and better yet, homeless. He hadn’t told that last piece of information to anyone, apart from Benny who'd let him sleep on his couch until he found his road trip job. Sam didn’t know, because Dean didn’t want to trouble him with his problems. Dean was a big boy and he will take care of himself by himself. He didn’t accept the charity. And the address that was written on his job contract was Benny’s. But he didn’t have to worry about where he was going to sleep, as long as he still had this job. When they take a break in October, Dean could just stay in a motel. No harm done.

But thinking about his decisions now, like sleeping with his Boss, when his job was actually put to danger, Dean was scared. What will he do when he got fired? All he can do, is to be a good employee. Dean’s stomach turned, letting a storm bloom with dread. Castiel was just using him and he walked right into that trap, smiling and confident. Even if Dean didn’t do anything wrong, Cas could still fire him for his own amusement. Dean closed his mind and settled on working his ass off.

 

Ten days passed and the band found themselves in a city called Thunder Bay. They had a free day, so most of the crew went swimming, basking in the sunlight. But Castiel had other plans. And because of Dean’s title as Castiel’s PA, he had to drag himself to a hike with Mr Novak. It would have been nice, if they had accomplished somewhat friendlier relationship again, but it seemed that it was even worse than before. They avoided each other when they didn’t have to be together or talk about business. Dean still brought him coffe, water, food, whatever the man needed and did his job like any other normal person. But they didn’t stay in a one room when there was no need to. They didn’t have sex or sleep in the same bed. Giving curt nods when passing on the bus. This all new environment threw the possible friendship out of the window. Even Castiel’s brothers seemed to keep their distance. So that’s why it was surprising to Dean when Castiel apologized to him.

They had climbed on a big ass cliff and were sharing a moment of silence, just admiring the view of water and dry land far in the horizon. Dean had packed food and water for the trip, so they now nourished themselves. The Winchester could see Novak looking at him from the corner of his eye, but he wasn’t concerned about it. The air had been relaxed between them and Dean doubted the other man had a desire to push him off the rock. So he silently finished his bite from his sandwich and spoke, looking in front of him.

“Do you need something, Mr Novak?”

Castiel was quiet for a while until he spoke with a voice so small that Dean had to strain himself to hear. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

Winchester turned his head and watched the other man closely. Castiel was looking at his lap, a grim expression on his face.

“Why?” Dean asked.

Cas glanced up and took in the view once again. “For acting like the way I’ve been acting.”

Dean looked at him in astonishment. “Uh huh,” was all that came out of his mouth.

“It’s just. I initiated a friendship and before that the... Benefit thing. And you’re right, I made the first move. So it’s wrong of me to throw it all back at your face.”

“Why did you then?” 

Castiel sighed and didn’t speak for a while again. “I think it’s best if I don’t go into detail. There are things that you don’t know and what should stay buried. But it seems like my past is finally catching up with me again.” He laughed a humorless laugh and Dean’s stomach turned from the ugliness of it.

“You... Didn’t kill anybody, did you?” Dean asked warily.

Castiel’s face remained serious and Dean almost thought that he really was a vampire. “No,” he answered and the Blonde quietly let out a breath of relief. “But someone got hurt because of me, because I was so naive and didn’t realise that I was ‘hanging out’ with a wrong crowd.” Cas thinned his lips and met Dean’s gaze. “So now I don’t trust people easy. I don’t even have any friends. I’m sorry about all the personal information that was required from you, but I couldn’t hire someone who was going to use me.”

 _Use him? I would say the same thing_. “Hey, I get it man. Sure you couldn’t just pick someone off the street and offer them money,” Dean thought a little, nervous about what he was going to say next, “But, uh. Can you promise me something?”

Castiel nodded after a while. “Of course, Dean.”

“Enough of this crap okay?” There, he said it and his potential friend’s face closed off. “I mean, you said you wanted us to be friends, right? If that’s so, you can’t just act like I don’t exist whenever you want to. You threathened my job and yes, maybe I didn’t remember to put on my alarm, but you can’t throw your frustration onto me. I mean, if it’s sexual then sure, I’m on board. Have your way with me. But please, don’t treat me like crap. Even if you’re my boss, it doesn’t mean we can’t be friendly with each other. I’m here and hopefully am not going anywhere. I can listen, if you want to be heard. You don’t have to talk about things you don’t want to. We can always start off slowly. You said you don’t trust easy, fine. But at least try and earn my trust first. If you keep this up, I’m sorry, I can’t communicate with you, if you won’t tell me what I did wrong.” Dean took a long inhale and waited for his answer. He hadn’t spoken so many words in so long.

Castiel was still for so long that Dean thought he turned into a statue. Only his moving chest told him otherwise. Then Cas nodded. “You’re absolutely right, Dean. I, my. My people skills are rusty.”

Dean snorted at that. “Yeah, I got that. I think you take too many things into heart... Have you ever heard of sarcasm?”

Castiel rolled his eyes and looked at him menacingly. “Yes. But that doesn’t mean I build my whole speaking manner around it.”

Dean squinted his eyes. “Did you just insultingly make fun of me without actually doing so?”

“...Maybe.”

The Winchester laughed and clapped a hand on his companion’s back, earning a big eyed look. “You’re alright, Cas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to share ideas, thoughts or criticism about this story and my writing, I'm all ears!


	10. He sang a song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... half of this chapter is porn... Sorry for that.  
> I felt bad for not writing in a long time so I made the chapter extra long! c:

The rest of the day went by better than expected. They met with the other group and they all had a lovely dinner, telling stories to each other. Whatever wall was around Castiel, seemed to slowly manifest a door inside itself. A door what Dean would begin to open, little by little, until the mask will drop off of Cas’ face. Dean learned to appreciate people’s privacy from an early age in his life, but also he’s had a fascination looking a bit deeper in a person who makes him interested enough. Only time would tell how their weird friendship will blossom and in Dean’s mind, he thinks they could be very close friends someday. If having sex is any indication of being close.

After the dinner, Castiel offered another movie night, explaining that he really liked the movies Dean showed him and he was interested in watching some more. Dean couldn’t say no, even if he wanted to, because educating Cas felt like an important task. When Dean was ready and comfortable in his pyjamas, he shuffled to his Boss’ door, knocking on it. When Castiel opened it, there was a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Come in, Dean.” The door was pulled more loose, so Dean could pass through it. When he was fully in the room, his eyes got stuck on the table. There stood four bottles of water and a fruit basket of all things. And right there, in the middle, almost hidden but still seeable, was a bottle of lube. If Castiel tried to subtly suggest something other than a movie tonight, he couldn’t be any more obvious. It had been a while since their last intimate encounter, so Dean wasn’t really opposed to the idea, but a little warning would have been great. “Why don’t you take a seat, Dean?”

Dean came out of his head and saw that Castiel was already seated on the bed, remote in his hand. “Right. Yes.” He sat down, trying to hide his blush and looked at the TV.

“I think it’s predictable that we watch the other Avenger movies, if we already started with two. There should be some we, well, I haven’t seen yet.”

Listening to Cas was beginning to be harder and harder to do, when the bottle of lube mocked him on the table. So the next words accidentally flew out of Dean’s mouth. “Are you sure you just want to see the movie? Not trying to pull your cover here, but the bottle of lube seems a pretty obvious sign.” He frowned a bit and then looked at his Boss.

Castiel was stunned into silence for a while. He finally cleared his throat and answered. “It’s been a while and considering that the last time you had spent the night, I thought why not to use each other to relieve some tension. It has been a stressfull week, don’t you agree?”

“And whose fault is that?” Dean teased, but smiled.

Cas seemed to take offence, but before Dean could tell him that it was a joke, the guy seemed to take his smile for the indicator of it being a joke and tried a little smile too. He didn’t tease back and didn’t say anything for a while and Dean contemplated if Castiel even knew how to tease or playingly flirt. The Novak eyed the TV and then returned his gaze on Dean and asked, “Do you want to watch a movie then? Or do you want to begin with the nightly activities?”

Dean wasn’t able to hold back his laugh that escaped his lips. “Oh man, you really suck at this.” He smiled contently for a while and his eyes wandered on the water bottles. “First of, I’d like to ask why do you have so many bottles of water. I’m beginning to think that you are seconds away from explaining that this will be a sex marathon rather than a movie marathon.” The green held the blue suspiciously and all Cas did was shrug.

“I...I actually wanted to ask you something,” the guy said kind of shyly and actually looked at his lap.

The Winchester frowned once again. “Sure, anything. We could even play a little Truth Or Dare, if you’re willing.”

Castiel lifted his eyes and squinted a little with his cute head tilt. “What is that? A game for some sort of... foreplay?”

Dean threw his head back and laughed. When he came back down from his overreacted laugh, he turned a surprised face in his Boss’ way. “You seriously have never played it? Or even know what it is?” Castiel shook his head. “Um. Wow, it’s a. Well, you could say it’s a foreplay if you want it that way. But it’s just what it says. We take turns asking each other the truth or thinking up a dare. The choice is made by the person who gets asked the question ‘Truth or dare?’”

“So if you agree on a dare, you have to do anything I say?”

“Pretty much. But I can decline. Why? Are you going to ask me something super stupid, like jog down the road naked?” Dean smiled, beginning to melt into the teasing and flirty smiley state of the conversation.

Something lit up behind Cas’ eyes, but it was schooled with a blank stare so quickly that Dean almost missed it. It was hard to describe, but it looked like... anger? No, it was more personal, kind of like... _No, it can’t be_. Dean stopped thinking about it, but stored it away for later use. Because for a second there he could swear he saw possessive protectiveness that was borderline _predatory_. As if the thought of somebody else seeing Dean naked, made Castiel’s inner demon lash out so much that it showed in his eyes.

Cas shook his head and acted nonchalant. “Nothing of that sort. I just wanted to know the limits. But I wanted to ask you, if you’ve... You know... Uh, been on the receiving end?”

Dean thought a while, what his friend was trying to say, and tried to put the sentence into more coherent and understandable state. “Are you trying to ask me if I’ve ever bottomed?”

Castiel shrugged one of his shoulders and looked back at the TV. “Yes.”

The blonde scratched the back of his neck for a while, not letting the blush show on his face that tried to break out of it’s cage. How did they fall into the awkward stance again? “Uh, no. I’ve never... taken it. I guess you could say I’m a virgin in that department,” he tried to laugh the awkwardness off but the sound he made was so close to choking that he stopped breathing for a while. “Are you saying you want to try that? Shit, I never even asked you which one you like to be. To be fair, you seemed pretty happy to get it up the ass.” His attitude was enough to return his usual smirk on his face, that he used when he talked about sex.

His Boss sent a dirty look in his way, but didn’t look mad about it. “Are you willing to try then? Because, in all honesty, I believe it would be so much better if you were the one losing control. I mean,” he shifted closer and his eyes darkened, “I would make you wail my name and make you cum even before I have the chance to penetrate you with my penis.”

Dean swallowed, throat unusally dry. The blood in his veins gravitated downstairs, waking up the beast in his pants. He coughed a little, trying not to speak with a crackly voice. “Yeah, we could try... That. Actually, uh...”, he huffed and looked away, not being able to look into the stormy blues, “I have experimented by myself and found it enjoyable. Just the few guys I’ve been with, always wanted to be bottoms and I’ve never met a top who doesn’t look like a burly axeman who wants to kill me afterwards.” He shrugged, trying to look cool and not like some horndog who’s willing to drop on his hands and knees, if his Boss wants to. The concept of the thought made want start to crawl under his skin and fire of desire explode inside him. But then he remembered something and started laughing again.

Castiel’s seducing stare was swept off his face and replaced by one of concern. “What? What’s so funny?”

“Ah, you really _do_ like to be on top.” Dean smiled and wiped his eyes. “Man, it’s been a long time since I’ve laughed that hard,” he looked at Cas who was smiling back, “It’s been more than a long time. Years.” His smile turned into more of a wistful one and that realization made him really see how depressing his life had got. Another thought that he threw out of his mind.

“I’m glad then that making me look bad, makes you laugh so hard,” Dean almost missed the friendly teasing, if Cas wouldn’t have smiled, “But if I’m getting this right and you still want to play the game, then it’s your time to ask me.”

Dean settled down and leaned himself on one elbow, looking at Castiel. “Okay, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” he said, but he looked a little wary as if Dean would ask a too personal question. That made Dean decide not to push his luck.

“Hmm, okay, uh... If you like to be the one who gives, why did you display yourself to be the one who wants to be fucked?”

Castiel’s brows lifted, like he wasn’t expecting that. “I didn’t want to spook you away.”

Dean’s eyes squinted. “Spook me away? So you had a plan for us to be fuck buddies all along?”

“No, of course not. It’s actually against all normative for us to have laid in bed.”

“Then why did you?”

Castiel thought about that for a while. “You’re attractive enough to have intercourse with and you were the first one who talked back at me. You could say I was interested how you look like when you’re panting and red faced and that not because of running.”

“Hmm.” Dean hummed. They haven’t had sex face to face yet, to really see each other in that state, but that would be too intimate. If he really wanted to see Dean’s face when he climaxed, then they should put a mirror next to the bed. _We should actually try that_. “Fair enough. Your turn to ask, I pick truth.”

Castiel didn’t even hesitate. “Did you clean yourself thoroughly today?”

Dean swallowed and bit his bottom lip. “Um, yeah. I took a shower before I came here.”

Cas nodded once and said no other word, giving Dean a chance to ask.

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Do you have any hidden talents besides singing?”

The answer came after a while. “I’m really bendy.”

Dean raised his brows. “Bendy? Bendy how?”

Castiel’s cheeks tinged a little pink. From Dean’s point of view he looked like a cute cat. “If I really want, I could give myself fellatio.”

Winchester’s eyes bugged out of his eye sockets. The guy could suck himself off everytime he wanted to? If that’s the case, he couldn’t wait to use some of that flexibility. He once dated a yoga instructor and they had mighty fun time. “Wow, okay, yeah. We could use that.”

“Truth or dare, Dean?”

Why were they still flying around the endgame? “Dare.”

He could see how Castiel’s eyes layered over with upcoming pleasure of torturing Dean, the moment the word left his mouth. There was a tiny smile on his Boss’ lips that sent shivers down Dean’s back. “I dare you to get on your hands and knees,” Cas said in a lowered voice.

Dean gulped audibly and bit his lips, just sitting there still for a moment. He was beginning to get drunk on the thrill that wavered through his body. Turning himself over, Dean settled on his hands and knees, parting his legs a little to get comfortable. He could hear Novak shifting on the bed, his body’s weight dipping the bed at the side as he picked up the bottle of lube. His  bed partner hadn’t even touched him yet, but Dean could already feel sweat forming between his shoulder blades in anticipation.

“Could you please take off your shirt?” Castiel asked in surprisingly kind tone.

Dean pushed himself on his knees and shucked his shirt off, throwing it nonchalanty on the floor somewhere and lowered himself on his hands again.

“Such a good boy.”

Winchester bit his lip, feeling giddy at the praise. They never have really talked during or before sex, at least not like this and all Dean could think about, was the blood pumping to his dick at the words. In all his cocky attitude, Dean pushed his ass in the air, presenting himself. After a second he could feel a large and warm palm sliding up and down his cloth covered buttcheek.

“I think you deserve a treat, don’t you think? In all honesty you have been working really hard,” Castiel talked in an even lower voice than his normal dark grumble.

Dean cataloged through his possible kinks and picked one he was sure satisfied his Boss. “Yes please... Sir.”

Castiel laughed quietly, fascinated and pleased. His arms grabbed the blonde’s hips and when he shuffled closer, Dean could feel his hard member against his ass. “See what you do to me?” Castiel asked. He acted on his first instinct and pushed back against the hardness, wanting it inside him, but strong hands stopped him and the deliciously long cock was withdrawn. “Oh you just wait. I have other things planned for you.”

The blonde nodded and stayed still. The hands on his hips wound around his waistband and pushed his pyjamas and underwear down, pulling them entirely off his legs. Castiel played with his cheeks for a while and when a warm and wet tongue licked his rim, Dean’s breath hitched in his throat. He had never felt anything like that before, not even thinking of eating someone out himself. The tongue sent shivers down his legs, making them feel like useless macaroni. Dean moaned after a while, not being able to hold it in, letting his body relax. When his Boss’ tongue entered his hole, Dean went wild and began squirming, feeling his leaking member hanging hard and pouting between his legs. Castiel strengthened his hold and forced him, although gently, to stop moving.

“Come on, Virgin. I know it’s amazing, but I can’t help you unwind if you keep moving and interrupting my work.” He didn’t let Dean answer him and pushed his tongue more roughly in again. Dean clamped his teeth down in his lips, but not drawing blood, and whined in his chest. His fingers punched up on the pillows, making the cloth wrinkly and some of the white feathers to peek out. He could hear the distant sound of a bottle lid opening and the next thing he knew, there was a single wet digit pressing down on his spit covered hole. Castiel entered his finger slowly, letting his muscles to relax and take the intruder in voluntarily. The first one went in without a fight, so his Boss tested the waters by slowly moving it inside him, while still licking the edge. The pressure added by the digit was familiar to Dean, but that doubled with the licking action was enough to drive him up the wall. It was torturous to wait for the inevitable.

“More,” Dean whined embarrassingly, “Please, more.”

His wish was granted when another finger started to poke in. Castiel stroked his back with his free arm, to relax the finger in. Together they took on the adventure to find his special spot and when they brushed it, Dean’s abdomen and spine sparked with pleasure. He groaned and started unconsciously pushing back on them. Castiel again held him in place and really went to town now. He pushed the fingers in more mercilessly, hitting the prostate, making the blonde go mad. Dean was a writhing and whining mess under Castiel’s arms and he enjoyed every minute of it. The shivers and sparked pleasure started to form a heatness in his stomach and he knew he was close. He didn’t even mind that his dick was left alone, because the pleasure made up for it. His Boss prodded for a while, until the heat became unbearable and Dean came with a cry, Castiel's name on his lips. In his deligthed state, he didn’t even feel how Castiel shifted and dropped himself between his open legs and pulled the dip of his cock into his mouth. While sucking gently and massaging his prostate, his Boss milked him to the last drop. When it was all over and Castiel shuffled away, Dean’s body slumped on the bed, unable to move for a while. When the blonde turned his head, he looked at his companion and saw him rubbing himself through his pants. The fact that Cas wasn’t even naked, made another pleasing shiver cross Dean’s spine.

His Boss pulled out his wet cock and pushed the pants off, not even wearing underwear. Their eyes locked and Castiel started to stroke himself. Dean acted on impulse and got up, tripping on his way to Cas and settled between his legs. He pushed his hand away and eagerly swallowed down his cock. Being too reckless made him choke and he had to pull back and cough. Castiel patted his hair, sitting there on his knees.

“Ssh, slow down, boy. Slow down.” His fingers commed through his short cut hairstyle and Dean hummed like a cat.

The second time he lowered his mouth, he was careful and didn’t take all that in his mouth yet. He held onto the base with one hand and took in as much as he could without choking again. His tongue pressed against the vein on the underside of that delicious dick when he moved back up again. He swiped his tongue over the slit and made a circle on the underside of the head, making his Boss moan satisfyingly. He pushed down again and sucked, coming back up and doing the same thing. Everytime when he lowered himself, he was able to get the member further into his throat. It seemed impossible to get it in all the way, judging by the length, but Dean never backed down from a challenge. After a while he removed his hand and began to reach his goal. Castiel’s fingers flexed in his hair, pulling a bit when he hit the right spot. Dean pushed a thumb under his Boss’ balls and started to massage the spot where the skin hid the prostate behind itself. He could feel Castiel shivering under his warm mouth and he moaned while sucking his cock, the rumble of his voice making Cas to groan loudly. When he finally pushed his nose into the bush of pubic hair, he swallowed. Castiel’s voice got louder and louder, making Dean feel pleased. He chanced a glance up and their eyes locked. He pushed his thumb down and sucked harder than before, looking at Castiel who was gasping and hissing at the play. Getting into a steady rhythm, Dean sucked him off like a pro and after a while, he could feel his Boss’ balls tighten up and when he finally came, Dean drank the white liquid down, relishing it like a fine wine.

They both laid in the bed next to each other, cooling their fervent skin. When they both could move again, they took turns goint to the bathroom. Dean freshened his face with cold water and came back into the room, drying his face with a towel. Cas offered him one of the water bottles and he accepted it gratefully. While sitting down again and drunking half the bottle, Castiel made himself comfortable again, not bothering to take off his shirt that he was still wearing.

“I believe it’s your turn to ask.”

Dean huffed a quiet laugh. He didn’t know they were still playing. “Okay, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

Dean had to think of a good question again, so he lowered himself on the pillows looking up at the ceiling, incredibly comfortable in his naked body. “If you could choose another career, what would it be?” He turned his head and watched Cas think.

“I think I would like to work with animals. In an animal shelter or even keep a farm. I’ve also always liked gardening.”

Dean’s eyebrow went up an inch and he turned himself towards the other man. “Really? You have a green thumb or something? What have you grown?”

“We had a little garden in our old house and I kept it clean and beautiful. First I planted just flowers but after I found out how great it was to get fresh herbs, I planted basil, dill, peppermint and others.” Dean nodded, forming a ‘not bad’ face. Castiel also added, “I sometimes miss that little garden. But my new one makes up for it.”

“I never even thought to think that you could be interested in that,” Dean smiled, “I guess in every interview all they care about is your money and how much you love your fans.”

Castiel laughed a little. “Don’t even get me started on the interviews. Everybody keeps asking the same thing. Sometimes I zone out, as you say, and reply automatically not even knowing the question.”

Dean mock gasped and put an arm on his chest. “And I thought you were serious about your job.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I make music to play music and share it with people. I don’t care about stupid questions trying to make me look good or bad on the camera.”

“An honorable musician then. Who likes to play with plants.”

“Shut up.”

“Okay, fine. Truth.”

“I might be a little late with this question, but why did you choose to be someone’s personal assistant? I know you had other good jobs, before coming here.”

Dean shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. I like to dress as I like and I enjoy being on the road. I’m not fit to be some rat in a suit working in a high building with the serious people,” Dean looked at his Boss and debated on telling the other part of the truth. “And honestly... Being your PA sounded like a dream come through.”

Castiel’s brow furrowed. “But why? I thought all I did was giving you a hard time.”

“Well, yeah. At first. But you’ve come around and I don’t regret my decision.” He smiled reassuringly.

“Can I know what your preferable job would be besides this, too?”

“Mm, mechanic. Totally mechanic. My dad...” Dean’s throat tightened up for a second and he had to clear it, “Um, and uncle Bobby taught me how to deal with cars from an early age. I always work on my Baby by myself, because a lot of garages like to defraud people. When I was little, I dreamed of starting my own truthful business and also building old muscle cars up from scratch.” He didn’t know if Castiel noticed his little mishap, but he didn’t say anything.

“And your baby, is?”

Dean smiled proudly. “1967 Chevy Impala. All in his black shiny glory.”

Castiel’s lips curled up a bit. “I too enoy a good car. I bet she’s a beauty.”

“Oh, she is.”

“I pick truth again.”

“Okay. Um. Oh! I’ve always wandered who or what where you talking about in your song ‘Graceless’.”

The sparkle that had squeezed itself in Castiel’s eyes disappeared and his eyes went blank, as did his face. “Ask something else, please.”

Great job, Winchester. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t know...” Dean felt stupid asking a question that obviously had a deeper meaning and right then, he wanted to cover himself with a blanket, feeling ashamed of being so imprudent. He tried to change the subject. “Whenever you don’t want to answer a question, usually you have to remove a piece of clothing, in this case your shirt.”

“You’re only saying this to get me naked,” Castiel’s brow lifted and he didn’t seem angry fortunately.

“What? No,” Dean huffed a laugh, “These are the rules of the game, I swear. I’m already naked so I have nothing else to lose.”

Cas’ eyes squinted suspiciously, but he took off his last clothing anyway. Dean let his eyes land on his naked torso for a while, admiring the body. “Aaand, that means it’s your turn to ask again,” he said, drawing out the first letters, “Truth.”

“What made you to work in the Roman Enterprises?”

“Mm, next question.”

Castiel frowned. “But you said if you wanted to pass, you’d have to lose a piece of clothing, but I’m certain that you can’t take off your skin.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Come on, man. I’m already awkwardly naked here. Cut me some slack.”

“As am I.”

The Winchester glared at him for a moment, finally answering. “Fine, if you so much want to know. But that means I won’t show mercy for you next time,” he pointed a finger at him. He sighed and rolled onto his back, watching the ceiling again. “I, uh. I wanted to do something good for myself and after a while of thinking and... A lot of alcohol later, I came to a conclusion that the best way to be a respectable adult, would require an admirable job. So I got into the Dick’s Inc and, I don’t know. Went on a cleanse or something. I read somewhere that it would be good for my health and soul.” He shrugged, acting nonchalant. “So, _Castiel_. Truth or dare?” he asked, not letting him ask any other questions.

There was an awkward silence in the room, but after few long minutes, Cas answered “Truth,” in a quiet voice.

Using his usual Winchester defense mechanism, he picked a question that would make the other person angry or feel bad. “How many other PA’s have you fucked?”

He didn’t see Cas’ face but he could feel the frown and offense on his face. “Excuse me?”

Dean huffed a humorless laugh. “Come on, you don’t have to act like I’m the first one of your slaves who knows you intimately.”

“You’re right I don’t,” and he left it at that.

First Dean thought that he would tell that there have been others before him, but then he understood that there wasn’t anything to hide and maybe he truly was the only one who got to share a bed with the guy.

“Do you really think of yourself as a slave?” Castiel asked in a softer voice, which was so far from what Dean expected.

The blonde blushed furiously, again feeling embarrassed for his childish act. “No.”

For his surprise Cas laughed a little. He felt the man scooting closer a bit. “You are kind of cute when you blush and try to defend yourself from somebody looking inside. But you don’t have to worry, I won’t ask anything of you that you’re not comfortable with. Although the red is intriguing,” he smiled.

Dean blushed harder and pushed half of his face into the pillow, looking at the blues with his one green eye. He pushed his friend’s face away and muffled a “Shut up,” into the pillow. He couldn’t believe that he was so easy to read.

Castiel chuckled and ruffled his short blonde hair. Then he lifted himself on top of Dean and the weight was confusedly comforting. And there was a half hard dick resting on his lower back. The man on top kneaded his shoulders a bit and spoke into his ear in a low voice, the rumble in his chest spreading onto Dean’s back. “Are you ready for a second round?”

Dean hummed in thought and then nodded a bit. “Okay,” he told quietly.

“Is it okay if we have real sex now?” he asked a bit hesitantly, like Dean was really a shy virgin.

“Mm, yes.” He lifted his hips a bit to show his consent.

Castiel stood on his knees and disconnected himself from him. This time he didn’t use his tongue, only his lubed up fingers. The first two inserted without a bigger fight and after Dean got over the surprise, he started to push back on them, letting his blood rush downwards. By the time Cas started to add a third finger, Dean was achingly hard. When the three fingers stretched his rim with a burn, Castiel bit his asscheek painfully enough to take his mind off of the fingers protruding his hole. When it wasn’t painful anymore, Dean moved with Cas’ fingers and started whining for more. Castiel retracted his hand and presumably lubed his dick. He then smoothed his hand down on Dean’s hip and started to kiss his lower back reassuringly. Dean didn’t even know what to do with all the new attention he was given. So he just held on for the ride. Castiel’s lips sent shivers down his spine, when they brushed over his golden skin. Dean moaned and started to push back, trying to find Cas’ dick so it could connect with him. But Castiel took his time and managed to fully relax Dean’s muscles before he nudged his cock’s head against his entrance. Dean opened his legs more and pushed his ass up to get a better angle for the access. And then the head pushed in and Dean fisted the pillow, forcing himself to relax. Castiel was patient and entered slowly, stopping sometimes to give Dean more time to get used to the length and width. When Cas was fully seated he blanketed himself over Dean’s back, being a comfortable presence and helping him relax into him. Something seemed to click between them, like a quiet understanding that this right here was the moment they both pushed forwards to. It felt so right and full to take Castiel in, like he belonged there all this time. And Dean knew now that they should have done this years ago.

“Okay,” Dean breathed, “I’m ready.”

Castiel grabbed his hips and pulled almost out, making Dean whine at the loss. Picking up a steady slow rhythm, the room filled with their groans and the sounds of sex. When Castiel lowered himself onto his back again and started to thrust in quicker, Dean felt like he was in heaven. He could feel Cas’ moans on his back and hear his breath on his neck, making Dean moan even harder. And when their hips found the perfect angle, the speed raised like a racing car. Dean mewled shamelessly taking the cock like a star, revelling in the feel of skin on skin connection, while his dick dangled between his legs almost painfully. Castiel brought his hand over to his cock and started storking him, what made Dean push back on his dick and forwards into his hand. The pleasure was so unbearable that he knew the end was very near for him. After few more pushes, Dean cried out his orgasm, painting the clean sheets with his white release. Castiel slowed down for a moment, milking his cock. Dean could feel the hot hard member still inside him so he pushed back again, urging Cas to go on. The brunette picked up the pace again and pounded in Dean harder than before. It was long enough to make Dean think that he was going to have another orgasm, but then something sharp and painful was at his neck. The pain and the pleasure mixed together so finely, that he felt a wave run through his body and he came the second time, only dryly. Castiel moaned around his neck when he came hot deep inside him and that was the moment when Dean realized that it was Cas’ teeth sunk down into his neck, what had created the pain. He knew there wasn’t any blood but there would surely be bruises there later. Castiel panted on his neck for a while, relaxing himself through his high.

Castiel came out of him and stood up, walking to the bathroom. Dean sat up and looked at the mess on the bed. The sheets were ruined and few white feathers littered the bed. He finished his water bottle and stood, walking towards the hotel room's closet. He picked out a spare sheet and changed it for the dirty one. He was in the middle of putting the pillows and blanket back on the bed, when he heard the bathroom door open, but there were no footsteps. That meant Cas didn’t walk into the room. When he turned around he caught the other man looking at him, wearing a look that was hard to read. But then again, everything was hard to read when it came to Castiel.

“Hey,” Dean said, not being able to think about anything else to say.

Castiel huffed and shook his head, walking to the other side of the bed. He picked up his water bottle and drank a few sips. Dean slipped in the bathroom, took a piss and cleaned himself up. He took a look in the mirror and saw his tangled up hair and pink cheeks. There were two angry red half moons on the left side of his neck and the sight of it sent a thrill through him, not sure why. He closed the light and opened the door to the bedroom. Castiel laid on his back, hands behind his head and his lower body was covered by a blanket. When he noticed Dean getting in the bed as well, he turned his head towards him.

“It’s already two in the morning. We should get some rest.”

Dean’s eyes widened and he glanced at the clock. “What? Already?” He snuggled in the blanket and naturally leaned towards the other warm body. “Can we cuddle?”

Castiel’s eyebrow stood up. “Are you going to drool on me again?”

The Winchester rolled his eyes. “It was only one time!”

“You always drool when you sleep.”

Dean squinted his eyes at him. “It’s not like I can control it.”

“You could wear a muzzle.” Castiel answered withouth a beat.

Dean blushed. “It’s for dogs.”

Cas smiled and shrugged his shoulders. Dean wasn’t sure if he meant it as a joke or not. He took his hand away from behind his head and started to push Dean on his back. “Fine then. You can be the little spoon.”

Dean rolled his eyes again. “You and your on the top of the world attitude, I swear.” He smiled a little, to not offense his friend and turned his back on him.

Castiel didn’t say anything else, just pressed his chest up against Dean’s back, making him feel comfortably safe again. His left hand squirmed under Dean’s waist and the right one wound around his ribs, his fingers brushing the blonde’s tattoo. Dean felt his knees against the backs of his and he sighed contently, feeling the tiredness bleed into his body. The sleep came easily.

 

The morning started with Castiel pushing his morning wood against Dean’s crack. Dean groaned in reply, saying something about Cas having a serious case of somnophilia kink, but he let them have lazy morning sex nonetheless. After Castiel was done, he got up and went to take a shower. Dean laid on the once again ruined sheets and eyed the bathroom door. Might as well have a shower with Castiel, because they were getting late. He stood up and walked into the bathroom, stepping inside the shower cabin. Castiel jumped a little when he slid the door open and closed, and turned towards Dean with a confused look.

“What are you doing?”

“Having a shower,” Dean answered with a sleepy voice, not entirely woken up yet.

“But I’m here right now.”

Dean looked at him for a moment. “I can see that,” he replied sarcastically. “What I can’t see, is what the big deal is. I mean, there is room for both of us,” he ended by grabbing a shower gel.

Castiel looked like he wanted to say something else, but didn’t and turned around again. He was soaping his body up, far enough from the running shower, so Dean could get under the water. When Dean was wet enough he opened the bottle and coated his body with the washing gel. He looked towards Cas who was struggling to get the soap on his back, so Dean reached forwards and used his soapy hands to clean Castiel’s back. The other man freezed in place and the tips of his ears burned red. Dean furrowed his brow.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he answered quickly and pushed himself under the water. He rinsed himself and stepped out of the shower and bathroom, before Dean could even blink. The Winchester sighed and cleaned himself slowly, yawning a few times. It was too damn early to think about why his Boss was acting weirdly. Again.

 

When he walked into the room, towel around his hips, he noticed that Castiel had already gotten ready and taken his bag downstairs. After taking an apple from the fruit basket sitting on the table, Dean went into his own room and got dressed, pushing his stuff into his bag. When he got ready he walked down and turned in the hotel keys. While eating his fruit, he walked towards the coffee machine and got Cas his usual black coffee. After doing it every morning, it was as normal as breathing to get his Boss a morning dose of caffeine. When he threw the apple heart away and arrived at the food hall, everyone was there already, sitting around a table. Making his way there, trying to keep his walk straight, even if he felt an ache in his ass, he put the cup of coffee down on the table before Castiel without a word. He picked up something eatable from the cafeteria and then sat down next to Michael. Gabriel was sitting in front of him and staring at him with a weird look on his face.

“What?” Dean asked and stared back.

“So what kind of kinkster of a girl marked you up last night?” he grinned widely.

The Winchester’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. “What you on about again?”

Gabriel’s eyes fell on the side of his neck. “To me _that_ looks like a claim. I just want to know where you get these kinds of girls.” He pointed at something and then Dean was reminded of teeth sinking into his neck.

His eyes widened and he didn’t know what to say at first. His hand came up to his neck, touching the tender skin there. The idea of Castiel marking him up with his _teeth_ , made it feel like something  _animalistic_. It was a good thing they just had sex, otherwise Dean would have to deal with an awkward boner in his pants. Finally he thought about what to say back to that statement. “Actually it was a guy.” He could see Castiel shift in his peripheral vision, looking alarmed.

Gabriel’s eyebrows almost disappeared into his hair. “A guy? Wow. So what kind of guy corrupted our sweet little Winchester?”

Dean searched in his brain what to say. “His name’s Steve. From the Gas-n-Sip. And I think it was an accident. The mark, I mean.”

Gabriel laughed. “Oh, I bet it was.” At least after that the talk went into another direction and Dean sighed quietly in relief. He avoided Castiel’s gaze, not wanting to blush and out themselves but he could feel the other man’s eyes on him.

 

When they had their show, Dean couldn’t help but listen to the song ‘Graceless’ more closely than others. There was something in Castiel’s voice today, that sounded like pain. The same pain Dean had heard on the studio version of that song.

“ _From the clouds I fell, to the ground and well... This is the end_.” Castiel looked down and swayed a little to the music. He seemed to be in another universe. “ _Red coming from my nose, I deserve this I suppose. My eyes closed_.” The crowd sang the chorus with him. _“At the bottom of the race, I took away my grace, just to feel the taste. I will rip off my wings, to feel like another one of those things. Can’t fight anymore, my body is sore, no angel anymore. Just a human in this gore.”_ The next verse was sang with a hatred in his voice. _“She dug into my mind, now she has made blind, my hands are tied... Now she’s making me kill, with a silver drill and it’s making me ill.”_ After another chorus came Dean’s favorite part where Castiel half singed half screamed the drawn out word ‘graceless’ over and over again, sending chills down Dean’s spine.

Maybe some day Dean will know the full story. Maybe one day, Castiel will not feel like graceless anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song 'Graceless' is written by me, so please don't steal it.


	11. The other guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a lot of black humor, I hope it doesn't offend anyone.  
> Also I'm not good at describing things.
> 
> Thank you all for reading!

Gabriel took his computer upstairs in the bus. He wanted privacy after all and right then, there was nobody up in the lounge section of the vehicle. Michael was reading something in the kitchenette and Cassie had walked into the back of the bus with Dean-o, said something about business talk and Gabe lost him there. A little privacy was all he needed and he opened the device, logging into his desktop. Some might think that he was looking at porno, his favorite Casa Erotica, but he had something better. He opened up Skype and signed in, letting his icon burn green, showing that he was available. He hadn’t talked to anyone that he had formed a some kind of friendship with a very gorgeous man. Hopefully when he accepts Gabe’s visitation, they could become more than friends and tell the world about it. Gabriel was not scared, no. Maybe a little nervous, yes, because he hoped for the positive answer. His thoughts ended when a little window told him that his friend was online now. He smiled a little and called him immediately.

The call was accepted and the other man on the screen was leaning down, doing something. And then he sat straight and pushed his long hair back. “Damn it, Gabe. Can’t you wait for at least a minute when I get online?”

“No,” answered Gabriel in his smug tone. “Great to see you too, Sammy.”

Sam gave him a warning face. “Do not call me that. It’s only a Dean’s privilege.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes and fished a lollipop from his pocket. He opened it and popped it into his mouth. “So how are things on the other side of the country?”

“I thought you were still in Canada.”

Gabe shrugged. “It’s basically the same. Honestly I have no idea where in the ass we are right now. But we should be in Toronto by morning.”

Sam nodded, used to listen the other man’s awful speaking manner. “I’ve been working in the past few days. There was this very difficult case that they needed my help with. Even _I_ almost went mad with it,” Sam huffed a smile and Gabe ignored how squishy his insides turned. “Didn’t get to the gym that much, but today when I was doing exercises with the clients, this one woman was ogling me. It felt pretty weird, deciding by that she was at least 60 years old.”

Gabriel squinted his eyes. “I should come visit and buy the services as well. I wouldn’t put it past her, the trainer is a hot piece of arse.” Gabe smiled widely, happy with his compliment.

Sam laughed and in the bad quality of video pixels, it was hard to tell if he was blushing or not. Gabriel decided that he did blush, for his own amusement. “How’re things there?”

“Oh you know. Same old. It’s boring on a bus. Michael’s reading some righteous book and Cassie is talking business with you brother.” Gabriel frowned – come to think of it, something has changed. “You know, they are getting along better.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I guess when you unwind then you can be friendlier with others.”

Sam scowled. “What? They had sex together?”

“Oh no, not them. Dean did.”

Sam lifted his eyebrows, quiet for a moment. “He did? How do you know?”

“It’s a weird story actually. One morning we are all having a nice breakfast and then Dean walks in, looks a little worned out and walks like he’s in pain. And then sits down in front of me, oblivous of the big bite mark on his neck.”

Sam’s face looked alarm. “A bite mark? Is he okay, did he-?”

Gabriel lifted his arms. “Woah woah. No, he did not get bitten by a wolf or something. And it wasn’t worse than a bruise. I asked him about it. Said it was an accident by some guy named Steve.” Gabe looked intently at Sam’s expression, hoping he just didn’t out his brother.

But all Sam did, was laugh. “And that helped him with Castiel?”

Gabriel shrugged. “I don’t know. They seem more comfortable around each other. Cassie doesn’t complain about him anymore like a baby. Before it was like, Dean this, Dean that. Now they’re... more quiet, keeping to themselves. It would be great if they got over it and acted nice. Tired of seeing them fighting like teenagers.”

Sam hummed and nodded in agreement. “Dean said that it was hard to be friends with him, when he was pushing him away always. Do you know why he does that?”

Gabriel’s face turned more serious, bad memories coming back. He tried to hide it. “Cassie has some trusting issues. Let’s just say someone hurt him in the past badly and now we all are more alarmed by the new people we meet. Dean seems like a normal dude, though.”

Sam did one of his sympathetic faces and didn’t talk for a while. “I’m happy that they get along now. Dean is... He is very loyal once he accepts someone as his friend.” He paused and drank something for his cup that he kept next to the computer. “How are the shows going?”

Gabriel flexed his arm. “My right arm aches a little from the bangin’.”

Sam lifted his brow. “I bet it does.”

Gabe squinted and grinned. “Am I getting flirtatious vibes or are my sensors broken?”

Sam smiled. “I think a player should know his game.”

Gabe huffed and turned his face away. He reached for a bowl of candy and put his empty lollipop stick next to it. Honestly he wasn’t playing that much anymore. More honestly he didn’t play at all. Something inside him changed after he met Sam, like he couldn’t pick up any girls anymore. He had tried to seek out some men, but they were too short, too thin, too not Sam. He was actually embarrased about it, because having an instant crush on a man who lives so far away felt ridiculous. And how can someone tame the famous lady man Gabriel with just a look? He picked up a caramel candy and chewed on it. He looked back on the screen.

“Speaking of shows. I wanted to invite you to one. In Montréal, I know you are free then.”

“But I have to get on a plane and buy a ticket, I’m not sure if my paycheck allows that.”

Gabriel smiled smugly. “All of it is taken care of already.”

“Gabriel... I can’t accept something like that.”

Gabe put up his arm. “No, no now. I added you as my plus one and the plane ride is completely free. We have our own private jet that is gonna pick you up.”

Sam calculated him with a stare. “Are you sure it’s not going to cost you?”

Gabriel put on his best puppy eyes. “Please say yes, you can see you brother again and more importantly you can see the star you’re absolutely fangirling over- me.”

Sam rolled his eyes and sighed deeply, giving up. “Okay, yeah. Sure. I’ll be there. Um... Do you want me to bring some candy?”

Gabriel cringed. “Oh Chuck, you sound like a sugar daddy.”

Sam laughed with a dimply smile. “What? You’re not into that?”

Gabriel squinted his eyes and studied the other man closely. Then very quietly added: _“Oh my me, I’ve created a monster.”_

 

 

 

After a lot of laughter, Gabriel was feeling good. Reluctantly he said good night to Sam and closed the computer and went downstairs. Dean was companioning Michael in the front of the bus, trying to find something from the cupboards.

“How can I help you today, Sir?” Gabriel asked Dean with vague professionalism, feeling like fooling around.

Dean glanced at him and turned back to the job at hand. “I’m trying to find honey. Cas...stiel said that there should be some,” he told him, drawing out his brother’s name weirdly. His cheeks where flushed a little but that could’ve been the heat of the bus.

Gabriel shrugged and opened another door, fetching out a jar with ‘Honey’ written neatly on it. “We keep the homemade stuff here. Why you need it for anyways? Cassie wanting some hot massage?” He grinned triumphantly.

Dean frowned a bit and eyed the golden yellow contents. “Uh no. I’m making tea for him. Said he had a sore throat, maybe coming down with something.”

“Oh. Hope his okay,” Gabe smiled more honestly now, a bit worried for his big brother.

Winnie, something that Gabriel named him because of his preposterous last name, opened the lid and sniffed. “You said it’s homemade?” Gabe nodded “By who?”

“Cassie, of course,” he smiled, but then looked at the man before him. “You’re telling me that he hasn’t talked to you about the bees yet?”

Now the green eyed man looked confused as fuck. Gabriel wanted to laugh at his face, but refrained himself. “What bees? He only told me about the flowers.”

Now Gabriel let himself chuckle. “Did he? Then ask about the bees next. His really enthusiastic about them. I mean, have you seen his socks?”

“Hm, yeah can’t argue there.”

Gabriel huffed and patted Dean’s back. “Isn’t that cute? Winnie the Boo looking for honey and not just for himself, but for his Boss.” Gabriel waggled his eyebrows at Dean.

Dean’s face turned tomato red and he shoved him off his back. “Stop calling me that,” he grumbled and finished fixing Cassie’s tea.

Gabe rolled his eyes. “Somebody can’t take good humor.” He turned around and sat down next to Mike. In the corner of his eye he could see Dean putting the honey back carefully and making his way back to the cave part of the bus. He pulled out another candy from his jeans’ pocket and talked while chewing on it. “Whatcha readin’ ol’ bro?” Michael sighed, turning the book to show the cover. Gabriel lost his interest at the first word and leaned back on the couch, putting his legs on the little dining table in the middle of the area. He looked towards the end again to make sure the door in between was closed. Then he looked back at his brother, feeling quite uncomfortable for picking the subject up. “Hey, you’ve talked to Cassie about... you know.”

Michael glanced up and closed his book. “He has been real quiet about that.”

Gabriel nodded understandably. “You got the email right? That it was now happening, one hundred percent.”

“Yes. And I am fairly sure Castiel received the message as well. I tried to reason with Chuck, but he was certain that doing the show was the best option. Show with the band that shall not be named is going to give us more income than the other shows and we need the funds to pay for the Europe tour.”

Gabriel sighed defeatedly. “I just hoped it would not come to this. If he sees Meg again...” Gabe stopped and looked at the door again, which was still closed. He continued with a whisper “If that bitch tries something again, I’m not going down without a fight this time.”

Michael looked at him sadly and put his hand on his shoulder. “Do not worry, brother. We have security if disturbances should occur.”

“It’s unfair really. What they did to us. And now _we_ are the ones that warm _them_ up?”

 

 

Gabriel was busy eating his cereal, smiling goofily at a picture that Sam had sent him, showing his unholy bedhead, when Dean walked into the kitchenette slash couch potato room. He looked tired as fuck and his lips were weirdly bruised. Maybe somebody punched him on the mouth? Or does he always look like a puffed bun in the mornings. Gabriel honestly didn’t give two dongs about it.

“Where’s the milk?” Winnie asked with a rough morning voice while looking in the open fridge.

“Sorry, bro. Took the last bit,” Gabriel answered with a full mouth. He put his phone into his pocket, deciding to send a text back later. Dean whined and closed the refrigerator, going to the coffee machine. “Grab a pregnant woman then, endless supply.”

“Ugh, gross.”

“What’s gross?” Cassie asked as he entered the narrow room. Dean handed him a cup of coffee and Castiel proceeded to take a sip.

“We were talking about milking,” Gabe provided helpfully.

Castiel snorted a little bit of liquid into his nose and started coughing. Dean was standing there with big eyes for a second and then patted Cassie’s back, trying to get the caffeine out of his snorkel. When Castiel calmed, his face and ears were red. Gabriel wanted to laugh, but knew not to provoke his brother in the early mornings. And the sight of him was slightly pathetic.

“Do I even want to know?” Castiel asked a bit hesitantly, eyes shifting between Dean and him.

Gabriel just shrugged and Dean shook his head, drinking his own coffee.

“How are you feeling, by the way?” Gabriel asked his brother.

“Better than yesterday. Thanks.”

“So we still on for tonight?”

“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it.”

 

 

Gabriel was live texting Sam the most interesting stuff happening on his side of the connection and was in the middle of whining about the broken vending machine when Dean walked into the room. Funny, the man had the worst timing ever as always. He was scratching the back of his neck, looking nervous or uncomfortable, Gabe couldn’t tell which.

“Hey, uh. You talk to Sam?”

Gabriel looked up from his phone with a wary expression. “Um, yeah? We exchanged numbers the last time he was with us.”

Winnie nodded. “And you are flying him to Mont’s show?” He raised an eyebrow, collecting his posture a little and crossed his arms.

Gabe worried his lip. “Look, man. I’m not trying to have a one nighter with your brother if you’re thinking that.”

“You’re right, I am thinking that. Not to offend you, but when it comes to my brother, I get protective.”

Gabriel huffed a laugh and glanced back at his phone again.

“Something funny?” Dean’s eyebrow was raised.

Gabriel’s humor disappeared and he gulped. There was something in Dean’s eyes that said you don’t want to mess with him. “Sorry, I just thought that when it comes to my brothers, I as well get protective,” he studied Dean’s face, “But I haven’t given you shit about it, have I?”

Dean bit his bottom lip and breathed out harshly. He plopped down next to Gabe. “Yeah, I know what you mean,” he lifted one arm “I can assure you that things between me and Cas-tiel are better now.”

“Why do you always say his name like that?”

Winnie blushed. “Oh, uh. It, it’s a difficult name. A mouthfull.” Gabriel snorted. Dean turned serious again. “So you are friends and nothing more?”

Gabe bit the inside of his cheek and gazed at the colorful wall. “He’s different...special.” He shrugged, not wanting to go any deeper.

Dean’s eyes narrowed. “Uh-huh. What do you mean by that?”

Gabriel groaned, annoyed. “I’m not going to fuck him and leave him, okay?” He scolded at the other man. “We’ve been talking for a while now and I haven’t been with anybody else. At first I thought I was sick or something, erectile dysfunction or something...”

Dean’s face scrunched up in disgust. “Okay, TMI,” he pinched his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, “Promise me one thing and then we’re done with this chick flick. Don’t hurt him... Or I’ll hurt you.”

Gabriel looked him in the eyes. “I will try to make him the happiest boy in the Universe. I promise.”

Dean rolled his eyes and stood up, breathing out. He ruffled a hand through his hair. “Great, now when we’re done with this...” He went to the table and picked up a fruit, biting into it.

“Ugh, I need a shower now to wash this all off.”

Dean laughed. “You and me both.” He wanted to take one of the water bottles, but it dropped off the table. Dean reached down to get it and Gabriel’s mouth fell open. When the man bowed down, his shirt rolled up slightly and revealed what was underneath. And not in a million years would’ve Gabriel guessed that under his jeans, Dean wore Victoria’s Secret pink lace panties. Gabe felt how his face turned red, feeling embarrassed by witnessing this blackmail material. When Dean got his water bottle, he left the room. Gabriel let out a huge laugh.

**Me to Samoose:**

_Dude! Ur brother wears pink panties!_

5:52 pm

**Samoose to Me:**

_What’re you talking about? Is this a joke?_

5:54 pm

**Me to Samoose:**

_No kidding... makes me wndr wat u got undr there ;)_

5:55 pm

**Samoose to Me:**

_Okay, put the gun away. I have work to do._

6:01 pm

**Me to Samoose:**

_:(_

6:02 pm

 

 

Gabriel was so excited he barely slept. Today Sam was going to be here and maybe they could go on a date together. That is, if Sam wants of course. _Ugh, lookit here. Gabriel Novak, thinking about asking someone out on a date. What a teenager._ He tidied up his dressing room and even ordered one of the stupid fruit baskets to be brought to his room. Cassie always insisted on having fruits around and for the first time it payed off, because Sam was a healthy lettuce boy. Also Dean being Castiel’s assistant was a plus too, because then Gabe had more time alone with Sam. He just couldn’t shake off the nervous feeling and that made him more nervous. Maybe he was ill?

He looked at the mirror and was satisfied at the sexy beast that looked back at him. Why is he nervous again? Sam wouldn’t turn down a face like his. Gabriel grinned, soaking in his egoism.

And soon was the time when he had to walk towards the back gates to greet Sam. He was driving to the venue with a taxi, because nobody could pick him up at the airport. They just didn’t have that much free time. But it didn’t matter because a yellow car was pulling up on the curb and a tall handsome man was stepping out of it. Gabriel grinned so widely he thought he was going to have Joker’s scars.

Sam paid the driver and hauled the bag on his shoulder. He looked up and saw the other man waiting for him. He too smiled widely and soon they got closer to each other until they were hugging.

“Hey there, Samoose,” Gabriel talked into the gigantor’s shirt.

Sam was too happy to scold him for the nickname. “Hi, Gabe.”

They detached and stood there for an awkward minute. “Right, well come inside,” Gabriel instructed and led the way through the gates. There were no fans luckily and hopefully no paparazzos either. They walked in comfortable silence to the door and stepped in. Gabriel handed him his Pass and shoved his hands into his pockets, so they wouldn’t shake so much. “How did you find the flight?”

“It was long. But I finished my latest book.”

“You and your books,” Gabe laughed, “Soon you’ll be wearing glasses and those librarian outfits while covered in dust.”

“I can’t see no problem in it.”

“Honestly, me neither. Always good to have roleplays.”

Sam nudged his side with his elbow, but smiled at his joke. “What would you be then?”

“A clown.”

Sam’s smile disappeared and he stumbled on his steps. “What?”

Gabriel laughed. “I’m kidding! I know how much you hate those suckers, wouldn’t want to scare you away now.”

Sam glared at him for a bit but that was short lived when Dean stepped out of Castiel’s dressing room and saw his brother.

“Sammy!” he smiled like a little child.

They had one of their brother bear hugs and chatted a few moments, until Dean left them to go do some chores that were put onto him. Sam turned around and smiled at Gabriel who had a lollipop in his mouth.

“Thank you so much for this. I missed everyone.”

Gabriel smiled around his candy. “Naw, I got a little tear in my eye.”

They went to Gabriel’s dressing room next so the drummer could get ready for the show.

“There’s a lot of people out there tonight. Seems to be a big show,” Sam commented on the couch.

Gabe shrugged and busied himself with trying to fix his hair. “Every show is big and special. At least when there’s no a-holes in the crowd.”

“Heard that there were some guys in Toronto who had pushed people against the front rail, not even looking at the show.”

“Yeah, saw tweets about that too. Castiel tried to reason with them, but they wouldn’t listen so we threw them out.”

Sam smiled quietly to himself. “It’s admirable. That you kept your insanity while being super famous.”

Gabriel snorted. “Have you met me?”

Sam stood up and walked behind the trickster. “Yes,” that was all he said about that. “And your hair looks fine,” he reached up and let his fingers thread through the golden locks.

Gabe bit his bottom lip. “You’re messing it up again.” Sam retracted his hand and Gabriel was baffled by the profound feeling of loss that he felt afterwards. He turned around with his chair and looked up into colorful eyes. He never could decide what color they were or consisted of.

“Are you doing any special songs today?”

“Not that I know of. But I can do one for you.”

“Seems like a plan.”

Gabriel couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not and he didn’t have any time to ponder about it because he was called on stage. He winked at Sam. “The show must go on.”

 

 

After they had played their concert, Gabe and Sam decided to walk around the venue for a while.

“The show was great,” Sam said, holding his hands in his pockets and walking beside Gabriel, “You seemed more energetic than the last time.”

“I might’ve eaten too much sugar.”

“I thought there was no such thing as too much.”

“Now you’re just mocking me.”

They smiled at each other.

“Did you see Dean again?”

“Yeah, we talked a little on the side stage. I’m not sure if you lied to me or not, because today he wasn’t wearing any panties.”

Gabe turned to look at him. “No, I didn’t lie. I swear he wore them the other day... That should be the reason why he was blushing sometimes for no reason,” Gabriel touched his chin with his forefinger in thought.

Sam laughed at the thinking pose. “He’s pretty weird sometimes.”

“So is Cassie. Such a nice pair.”

“You say that like you have a plan or something.”

Gabe stopped walking when they had made their way to the front of the stage. He lifted himself up on the barrier and let his legs dangle in the air. “I could arrange them a date, you know.”

Sam stood a few steps away from him, hands still in his pockets. “You think they like each other like that?”

Gabriel gave him a ‘are you serious?’ face. “Cassie hasn’t fired him yet, so that means he trusts him and Dean runs around him like a lost puppy who wants love. All they need is a little push.”

“But you said Dean was sleeping around.”

“Minor details.”

Sam huffed and shook his head, stepping a little closer. “Dean _did_ have an obsession with him before the job. Maybe you’re right, but I’m not taking any part of this.”

Gabriel smiled widely. “I’ll tell you how it goes.”

Sam walked closer again and was only an arm reach away now. “Speaking of dates. Do you want to go out tonight?”

Gabe looked at him in surprise. “Hey, you stole my lines!”

The other man smiled and came closer. Gabriel was beginning to think that there wasn’t enough oxygen in this closed place. “Is that a yes?” Sam rested his hands on the barricade, either side of Gabe, so that he was now in a cage.

Novak stared at pink lips for a while and then lifted his eyes to the endless color streams. “Yes,” he replied quietly. His night was getting better than he would’ve thought.

There was a small smile on Sam’s lips as he leaned in and closed their mouths together. Gabriel wrapped his arms around his shoulders and kissed back. This part he knew, put somehow this was so different from all the others. They broke apart after a few pushes of lips and looked in each others eyes.

“I’m not sleeping with you tonight,” Sam clarified.

Gabriel smiled. “Fine by me as long as we can keep doing this.” He went back in and licked Sam’s bottom lip, waiting to get invited in. When Sam opened his mouth a bit, Gabriel tasted his tongue and couldn’t hold back a moan. The man tasted sweet and sugary, like candy. That was the moment when Gabriel realized that there was no way he was going to let go a treasure like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess what happened in the back of the bus?
> 
> When Gabriel thinks that he might be sick because he likes Sam that much, it isn't because he thinks he might be a little gay. It's because he gave up on sex life for one dude he met a few weeks ago and that is so uncharacteristic for him.
> 
> In this story Sam works as a fitness instructor at a gym and helps the police with research from time to time (he finished studying law, but realized he didn't want to be a lawyer and Victor asks help from him sometimes)
> 
> Also in this chapter some things about Novaks' past were relieved (a little), but in the end it's Castiel's story to tell.


	12. The Devil wears panties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Dean's POV  
> The backstory why Dean wore panties

_You got to be kidding me_ , Dean thought as he stared down at the list Castiel had given him. _No way in hell I’m going to buy_ that. Yesterday Cas complained about a sore throat, so Dean did everything to make him feel better. He brought him some tea and pleased him with his mouth, trying to get Cas back on track. But after all that, Castiel still looked troubled. Like he was holding a worry inside of him he was not willing to share. Dean didn’t ask any questions and told Cas to get some sleep. In the morning he seemed better and after they arrived to Toronto, Dean received a list of things he would bring his Boss that day. New shampoo, cheeseburger and cold medicine he understood. But the fourth thing... He glanced at the paper again, to check if what he had read was the right thing. And indeed there it stood in neat handwriting: _Pink satiny panties (preferably from Victoria’s Secret)._ Maybe he handed him the wrong list? Or wrote that down accidentally? Maybe it was Gabe who wanted to mess with him? But the neat lines of letters were one hundred percent written by Castiel. Why would he want something like that? Was he trying to win over some girl? But he hadn’t seen Cas interested in anyone, other than Dean. Did he want them for himself? Dean’s mind was about to explode, so he searched out his phone and opened the message box.

 **Me to Castiel:** _r u sure u gave me the right list??_

 **Castiel to Me:** _Of course. Is there a problem?_

 **Me to Castiel:** _Um, the last is kinda tricky_

 **Castiel to Me:** _Are you not capable of returning me the goods I ask of you?_

 **Me to Castiel:** _Dude, i aint buyin no panties!_

 **Castiel to Me:** _They are very important to me, Dean._

 **Me or Castiel:** _srsly?_

 **Castiel to Me:** _Yes._

 

The crimson colors of panties could’ve complimented Dean’s cheeks at the moment, if he’d ever wear one of them. He stood in front of a clothing rack which held women’s underwear from the baby light pink to the dark red wine colors. He wasn’t sure which ones Castiel wanted and he wasn’t a fashionista, so he grabbed a pair of pink panties which seemed the most interesting to Dean. They had little fluffy lace edges and a silky touch to them. Pretty would be a perfect word to describe them, but Dean blushed even more by thinking that so he mentally slapped himself and walked up to the cash register. The woman who rang up his order eyed him with a smirk on her lips.

“Someone is a lucky girl,” she said, smiling and giving him a knowing look that Dean did not understand.

“Huh?”

“The underwear,” she packed the cloth into a ridiculously pink bag with the shop’s logo on it, “I bet whoever gets these, will be very happy.”

“Oh yeah,” Dean answered as his brain was slowly starting to catch up with him, “I’m sure he’ll be very pleased.”

Dean noticed his mistake at the exact moment when the cashier’s eyes widened. He clammed his mouth shut and stood there like a red hot chili pepper, waiting for the world to swallow him up and throw him in the darkest depths of Mordor. But he was never that lucky. To avoid the awkward silence, Dean placed a green paper slowly on the counter and said very quietly “Keep the change,” and then snatched the bag into his arms, quickly walking away from the shop. _God, this was so embarrassing_. He felt like some creepy, blushing teenager pervert who sniffed woman’s underwear in his parent’s basement. Like that kid from ‘Meet Bill’. Too bad both of Dean’s parents were dead. He thought about it for a second, but then moved on. He still needed to get the cheeseburger.

 

“You owe me, big time!” said Dean, when he got back to their hotel room. They had decided yesterday that it was cheaper to share a room and more convenient if they'd ever act on their ‘friends with benefits’ antics. He placed the bigger bags onto the bed and placed the burger and medicine on the table where Castiel was sitting on his computer.

His Boss looked up from the screen. “I am already paying you.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I know. But this level of ebarrassment needs a fuck load of ass kissing.”

“Alright then.”

Dean choked a little on the bluntness. “It’s a figurative speech, Cas.”

Castiel frowned, like he was offended that Dean didn’t want him kissing his ass. His eyes turned to the bag. “Can I see them?”

“Well they are yours...” Dean picked up the pink bag and gave it to Cas.

The other man picked up the panties and judged them with his piercing gaze. “These are lovely. Good choice, Dean.”

Winchester had to bit his lip to not start blushing again. He made a noncommittal sound and sat on the edge of the bed. “Why you need those anyway?”

“Oh these are for you.” Castiel turned towards him and extended his arm.

Dean’s eyes widened and he glanced at the panties and then up to his Boss again. And there was the blush. “What?”

Cas moved his arm, wiggling the delicate underwear, showing Dean to take it. “Try them on.”

Dean frowned and stood up. “No way man. I don’t wear stuff like that.”

Castiel’s brow raised. “But these are my gift for you. You will look beautiful in them, trust me.”

Dean’s cheeks burned even hotter at the praise. “I might like dick, but I’m not a girl, Castiel.”

Cas turned his head a little and made puppy eyes that would share a first place with Sam’s. “Do it for me?”

The blonde scoffed, like that would make him wear them. But the longer Dean looked into the wide eyes, the more his resolve started to grumble.

“Urgh, fine,” he snatched the fabric from Castiel’s fingers, “But I’ll only try them.” He started to walk towards the bathroom, but turned back and pointed a finger at Cas. “You will _not_ tell anyone this happened.”

Castiel lifted both his hands, agreeing with the statement.

Dean stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a while, psyching himself up. He inhaled and exhaled harshly. _Okay, it’s not weird that you’re trying them on. I mean, they look kind of cute. No. What? Cute? No no. No. Ugh, I can’t do this. This is stupid._ He rolled his eyes at himself. _You’re being a baby. Just do it._ He pushed down his pants quickly, before he could change his mind and stepped out of them. Looking at the panties, he remembered that he hadn’t looked at the size. He checked the small label inside the backside of the underwear. Apparently he had bought the ‘Large’ size, so maybe they wouldn’t be that tight around his round ass. He stretched them a little, seeing how far they will go and then pulled them on. They were kind of taut around his thighs and he could feel them leaving the top of his ass on the outside, but the fabric was very comfortable against his skin. It felt like clean bedsheets after a shower. He looked up at his reflection and was surprised that he didn’t look as bad as he thought he would. He even looked...sexy. He couldn’t help but smile a little, turning his sides to see the fit. The satin was stretched out fully on his bum and the outline of his cock looked bigger than it would in men’s underwear. And he discovered that if he moved, the fabric would send little sparks into his stomach when it touched his sensitive areas. He kind of liked it.

“How are they?” came Castiel’s voice from the bedroom.

Dean came down from his lala land and put his jeans back on, pushing his men’s underwear into his pocket. He dragged the backside of the panties upwards inside his pants, so his ass wouldn’t be exposed so easily and covered the evidence, that he was wearing girl’s underwear, with his faded Zep T-shirt. When he walked out of the bathroom, he saw Castiel still sitting behind the table, but his attention was turned on Dean now, not his computer. Dean shrugged and walked slowly towards the other man. When he was in front of him, close enough so their knees almost touched, he leaned down, taking Cas’ chin between his fingers gently and pressed a light kiss on his cheek. He pulled back and now was Castiel’s turn to blush. He held his gaze with Dean for a few seconds, but then turned towards the screen again, looking somewhat uncomfortable but pleased too.

“Thank you,” Dean said quietly, “They _do_ look good on me.” He smiled and stepped back, sitting on the bed and turning on the TV.

After a while Castiel turned again. “Am I going to see them?”

Dean smirked and kept his eyes on the television. “I could maybe try them on again later,” he lied smoothly. If Castiel thought he was forgiven, he was so, totally wrong.

 

Later that day, Sam called Dean and said how he was able to visit one of their shows again thanks to Gabriel. That turned into a 30 minute talk how Sam should’ve told him that he was keeping contact with Gabe, because Dean was his big brother. And the phone call lead to confronting Gabriel in the lounge room. Knowing Gabriel, he too didn’t like chick flick moments, so Dean kept it short when he understood that Gabe was serious about persuing a relationship with Sam. He could tell that he really liked his little brother and thanks to him leaving his bachelor boy act, Dean was okay with them being together, as long as no one got hurt. When he really thought about it, maybe he was being hypocritical, because he was having a relationship of some sort with Castiel and they both kept their mouths locked about it. But that didn’t mean that Dean wasn’t antsy about telling the world that he got to be friends with Cas _and_ sleep with him. Press would love that story. But also it would impact their both lives and Dean knew that there were really mean people on the internet and honestly he didn’t want to receive their hate. What they were doing wasn’t quite okay in the Boss and employee term and he didn’t want to be called a man who ‘sucked cock to get to the top’. His paycheck didn’t drastically change when he started sleeping with Cas. It didn’t actually change at all. It was clear for the both of them that they were having sex just to have sex. But the reporters would tell a different story just because they were soulles sons of bitches.

 

It was right before the show when Dean got his revenge. They were waiting in the backstage, everyone was rehearsing their bits and pieces and the crowd was screaming outside the door, waiting for the band to get on the stage. Castiel did his usual weird stretching and something that he called tibetan throat singing. Gabriel was drumming on the wall or the chairs, any surface that made sound and Michael was warming up his fingers. Dean made sure that no one else was looking and then stretched and yawned unashamedly. That got Castiel’s attention like he had planned and he watched how the blue eyes slowly looked down and how the realization hit them. Cas’ mouth opened a little and his look turned hungry, but then Dean lowered his arms to his sides and pulled the shirt back down which had lifted when he stretched. Castiel’s eyes shot to his and now there was anger there. Like Dean hid the most precious prize that Cas ever had laid his eyes upon. Dean smiled politely at him and raised his eyebrows in question.

“Do you need something, Mr Novak? If you’re thirsty there are bottles waiting for you on the stage already,” he said innocently.

One of the other Novak’s turned to look at the exchange so Castiel only shot a dirty look in his way, obviously being displeased by his employee’s actions. He didn’t answer, because right then they were called on stage. His Boss grabbed the acoustic guitar roughly from the holder and positioned it in front of his grotch area and stormed off to the stage.

Gabriel looked after Cas with a perplexed expression and asked “What got his panties in a twist?” Dean burst out laughing, enjoying the private joke. But little did he know Gabriel watched him strangely, like he knew something.

 

When the show was over they all gathered in the backstage again. Castiel still looked grumpy and put his guitar away. His hair was unruly and he was dripping with sweat, but Dean didn’t mind that look on the man. Gabriel eyed him and crossed his arms.

“What’s up, bro? You were like a grumpy cat on stage today,” he asked.

Castiel rolled his eyes and pulled on his shirt’s collar to get more air around his neck. “Nothing.”

Gabe chewed on his lip and stepped closer to him, lowering his voice, but Dean still could hear what he said. “Is it because of... You know?”

Castiel turned murderous eyes on his brother and Dean was minutely scared. “It is _not_ about that! Stop asking me that!” After that he stormed out the door and everyone remained quiet for a while. Gabriel wore a defeated look and Dean could clearly see he was worried about his brother. Dean himself knew that something was wrong and maybe toying with Cas wasn’t the wisest idea right now.

 

Dean found Castiel later from their shared bedroom. He was sitting against the headboard and was watching a movie. His eyes reflected the light that was on the nightstand. It was clear that his eyelids were barely containing the tears that wanted out. Dean stood there stupidly for a while, not good at comforting people. Then he took off his shoes and slowly walked towards the bed and sat down next to Cas. He was eating popcorn from a bowl, while being cocooned into the comforter. Dean turned his attention at the TV and thought hard for a second what kind of movie it was. He recognized Channing Tatum and there was that girl who played in Mamma Mia. And it had something to do with the military. He twisted his head towards Cas again and he tried a small smile.

“Hey,” he said quietly, “What are you watching?”

Castiel gave a little shrug. “I don’t remember the name, it was just the first movie on the list.”

Dean nodded and took a few pieces of popped corn. He sat there quietly and watched the movie with his Boss and friend. It was a romantic drama and Dean would never ever tell anyone that he cried a little at the end. Castiel too was in tears and they shared a box of tissues, wiping their tears away.

“Wow, that was worst than I expected,” Dean muttered while blowing his now running nose.

Cas laughed through his tears and paused the rolling credits. “I think she made the right choice, but she acted like a dick about it.”

“She would’ve wrote that she was marrying the guy, because she didn’t want his son to be parentless. But instead she let him believe that she just decided to throw him away, like she didn’t care,” Dean complained.

Castiel nodded, agreeing. “But the saddest part was when his father died...” He snuffled his noise and kept peppering his face with the white tissue.

Dean sighed harsly and felt how his body somehow felt lighter. “We are so gay,” he commented.

Cas laughed again and Dean couldn’t help, but be happy about that sound. He glanced at his friend again and gave him a light smile. Cas did the same. “Thank you for being my friend, Dean... Even though you seem to get gayer every second we spend time together.”

Dean made a fake gasp of surprise and threw popcorn at the man. They laughed and trashed their bed a little, having a popcorn war. Few of the white snacks ended up in Castiel’s dark locks and he looked like bush with white snow berries.

“Well this whole situation looks corny,” Dean said, grinning like a dork.

Castiel smiled widely at, scrunching up his nose and looking incredibly cute. Dean suddenly had the urge to kiss him. But Castiel was quicker than him and in a flurry of movement, he was lying on top of Dean. He attacked his neck, not looking into his eyes, and started kissing him there. His hands wandered over his body and found their way under Dean’s shirt, pulling it off over his head. Next went his pants and then he was left bare with only socks and the pink panties on. Castiel leaned back, situating himself on Dean’s thighs and admired the body below him.

“So beautiful,” he said lowly and moved forward to lick at Dean’s nipples. Soon Dean’s body was buzzing under Castiel’s skilled tongue, moaning when it hit his sweet spots. When Cas searched out the lube bottle and reached between Dean’s legs with slick fingers, the Winchester was confused, because he still wore the underwear. But Cas nonchalantly pushed them out of the way and inserted the first finger slowly. His member was still covered, but his ass was bared, making an easy access for the intruders. Castiel kissed, nipped and licked his body while getting him ready for the big gun. Dean felt himseld being admired and worshiped more than ever in his life. He was having mixed feelings and a very hard time to not fall a little bit. When Castiel retreated his fingers, they were immediately replaced with Cas and Dean felt so full. He looked up to see blues staring at him and they never broke contact. Not when their hands roamed around on each others skin, not when Dean grabbed a wistful of Castiel’s hair and not even when they both came, almost at the same time after minutes of moving slowly together. Their eyes did widen, though. And their mouths opened to let out moans.

 

There wasn’t any magical moments afterward, because when Castiel lifted himself from Dean’s body and pulled out, he locked himself into the bathroom and from the sound of it, took a really long shower. The other man lay on the bed, which was still littered with popcorn, socks and wet panties still on and wrinkled sheets around him. Dean couldn’t help but sense a distant feeling of loss.

 

Seeing Sam again was like a gift. Sadly the two brothers didn’t get to talk that much, but Sam was Dean’s home, the core of his life and he was happy to feel his presence again. They had fun on the side stage, laughing together with the crowd. When a slow song came on, Dean turned towards him.

“So you and Gabriel, huh?” He spoke quietly, so only Sam would hear.

His brother sighed and shrugged. “I don’t know yet, Dean. Right now we are still friends.”

“Yeah, but. Obviously you both like each other.”

Sam nodded, his freakishly long hair waving around his face. “Yeah, I hope so,” he eyed his brother, “Are you sure you’re not mad if, y’know, anything happens?”

“And what would happen? The apocalypse?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. If we do start dating, are you going to be okay with it?”

Dean was the one to shrug now. “If it makes you happy. I really can’t forbid it, even if I’m sceptical about it. It’s your life.”

Sam’s eyebrows almost disappeared into his hair. “I... presumed more fighting against it from you.”

Dean looked into his brother’s eyes. It was hard to not tell him the truth. That he was in no condition to question in his brother’s and his friend’s actions, when he himself was banging his Boss in the meantime. He smiled and touched his shoulder. “If you really like him, go for it. I can see that he likes you very much as well.” His brother was grateful for his words.

 

After the concert, Sam and Gabe disappered somewhere and Dean was busy with e-mails, creating the schedule for the next week. Castiel had requested a dinner with their manager Chuck and Dean sent him a letter. He didn’t say on what grounds and Dean didn’t ask. When Castiel was getting ready to leave, he looked around the room and then asked Dean if he could return his jacket which he had left on stage. His assistant stood up and walked back to the hall, picking up his jacket from the floor and stopped when he saw two men near the barriers. His little brother and Gabriel were kissing. Dean looked on for a while, until he felt like a creeper and walked back to the dressing room. He went back to his computer after giving his Boss what he needed, but he couldn’t shake off the uneasy feeling in his stomach. It felt like something was missing and he had a good assumption of what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it ended in such a sad note, but things will go upwards from here. Well sort of.  
> I don't want to write a doleful story, so this won't be one. I just hope you will all like how these two are going to sort it out eventually.
> 
> On a different note, I should inform you that I don't have a specific schedule for writing, so I'm never sure when I'll write another chapter. I'm dealing with my own personal hell and I don't have the drive to write everyday. Also I still think that I suck, so most of the time I'm just laughing at my bad attempt at writing.  
> But I hope for you, the wait is worth it. I do love writing this story and I love you all for reading it. Just throwing it out there, before I shy out.


	13. You’re clearly disturbed, all you want is allegiance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on writing a chapter sooner but oh well, when life throws lemons at you, your face is going to be swollen. 
> 
> It's a little shorter though, but hope you enjoy.

They had a free day again on their way to Boston, the last show before October holiday. Checking themselves into the hotel, everyone went their separate ways. Not Dean and Cas though, who settled into their joined bedroom. Dean flopped onto the bed and gave a contented sigh, spreading himself in the eagle position. Castiel rolled his shoulders and went into the bathroom to wash his face. Today was unnaturally hot and the cool air of conditioned oxygen was all Dean needed. He didn’t plan to go out again today, it was already after six. He remembered that his Boss had a dinner with his manager soon, so he was sure to keep that in mind. There was a sudden weight on him, when Castiel laid himself on top of Dean. Winchester gave a quiet grunt into the pillow, but didn’t move to make the other man some space. Cas was weirdly colder than him and it did wonders to his burning skin. Castiel moved his shoulder on top of his and hissed quietly into Dean’s ear.

“Mmpulled somethin’?” he mumbled into the softness.

“I think I slept too much on my shoulder,” he answered with a rough voice.

“Wanna massage?” Cas snorted, not taking Dean’s offer seriously. Dean shuffled a little under the mass of limbs, trying to break free. “C’mon, lie on your stomach.”

“I’m doing it.”

“Not on me, dude!”

Castiel huffed and pushed himself off, nuzzling his face into the clean sheets. Dean sat up and manhandled his friend to the middle of the bed. He settled onto the backs of his thighs and rubbed his hands together and then went to work. He massaged the shoulder Castiel had been moving and tried to relax his muscles.

“You need to relax, you’re all tensed up,” Dean said soothingly, receiving a mumble back. He moved up to his neck and got a moan out of the other man. Next came his other shoulder and then his upper back, lower back and sides. Castiel was making all kinds of pleasurable noises that made Little Dean more attentive every second. After a while Cas started to buck his ass upwards, rubbing it against Dean’s erection. The Blonde moaned quietly, but continued with the massage. His favorite parts to knead were the hipbones, because they were so pointy and hot and Dean let himself go back to the feeling of how they felt against his own hips.

“Well are you going to ride me, Cowboy or are you too scared of the bull?” To deepen his words, Castiel shifted his butt upwards again.

Dean laughed. Cas was still bad at dirty talking, sort of. He groaned when he remembered and pulled his hands away. “Can’t. You have an appointment.”

There was a rumbling sound coming from within Cas. “Cancel, I have larger matters to attend.”

“It’s the dinner with Chuck. You yourself requested it. And he flew over here extra for you, so I say you’re going.” He got off of Castiel and stood up, taking off his shirt because it was sweaty. He needed a good shower and some sleep. Maybe some TV too.

Cas turned his head a little and watched him with his one hawk eye. “Should I throw money at you?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “It’s too hot.”

“You are.”

Dean lifted his eyebrow. “Either you are very interested in me or you are reluctant to go deal with your real life problems.”

“How did you know?” he asked without any real meaning behind it.

“Just guessed.”

Castiel sighed and hefted himself up and dragged his feet into the bathroom to get ready. “Can you get my suit ready?” he yelled from the room.

“Sir, yes, Sir!” Dean yelled back jokingly.

After Castiel was ready, he struggled to get his tie on properly in front of the mirror. Dean walked behind him and took the matters into his own hands and tied the knot. Castiel’s shoulders tensed up a little, but he relaxed when Dean didn’t do anything else than just helped him out with his outfit. Winchester walked around the other man and smoothed his clothes out, looking over him once to see if everything was okay. He nodded his approval and stepped back to give Castiel room to look at himself in the mirror. When Cas seemed content he stepped back and grabbed his phone and wallet.

“Okay, Honey. Don’t wait for me to get back,” Castiel said sarcastically and put his shoes on.

“Alright then, Sweetie Pie,” Dean smiled back.

His Boss straightened up and looked at him with an raised eyebrow. “Sweetie Pie?”

“ _You_ wanna talk to _me_ about names?”

“I’m not that bad...”

Dean chuckled to himself. “You keep telling yourself that.”

Castiel left with an eyeroll and Dean went into the bathroom to scrub himself clean. Later he settled himself into the bed and turned the TV on. After watching two episodes of his favorite TV-show, he turned the television off. Cas still hadn’t come back and although he had said not to wait for him, Dean didn’t have any desire to sleep yet. He fetched out his Vonnegut book from his duffle bag and turned on the lamp on his side table.

 

 

It was around midnight when he heard sounds outside his hotel room. The door opened and someone came in. Dean somehow knew that it was Castiel, the same way he knew that he wasn’t himself right now. He lifted his eyes from his book to see Cas walking into the room, wavering a little on his step. He leaned against the corner wall, watching Dean with a permanent smile on his lips and hooded eyes. He was either drunk or high.

“What happened?” Dean asked as he put the book on his nightstand.

“There was liquor in the restaurant,” his friend answered gruffly.

“And?”

“And I drank it!” he said with a louder voice, impatience sinking into his words. He stepped forward and took off his suit jacket.

Dean sighed and picked up his book again to have some kind of distraction. “I thought you didn’t drink.” He didn’t get an answer so he started reading again.

The mattress dipped when Castiel climbed onto the bed. There were fingers under his chin next and that startled Dean a little, making him look towards Cas. But his vision was buried into his Boss’ face when the other man crashed their lips together. Dean made a noise in the back of his throat and pulled away before Cas could shove his tongue into his mouth. He could feel how his lips tingled from the taste of alcohol and if he would’ve been drunk too, he might have liked it. He put his hand on his friend’s shoulder and pushed him back gently.

“What are you doing?”

Castiel frowned and tried to surge forwards again, but Dean didn’t let him. “Kissing you. Come on now, let’s have some fun, Deanie.”

Dean sighed again and rubbed his free hand over his face. “You are drunk. How many times do I have to say that I won’t do anything when you’re drunk?”

Cas pouted and put on his best puppy eyes, but right now they weren’t working. He sagged a little on the mattress and Dean went back to reading, hoping Castiel would fall asleep. But soon enough there was a hand blocking his view of the text.

“Why won’t you touch me? _Please_. Touch me. I’m your delicate flower. Now deflower me,” Cas begged and rubbed himself against his side.

Dean frowned. “You’re not even a virgin.”

“But I have a rose you could lick and preferably penetrate.”

Dean slapped his book closed and threw it on the nightstand again. “Okay enough. The delicate flower is going to sleep.” He turned to Cas, who was looking up at him with innocent eyes.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Dean. I’m _Your_ delicate flower not just _the_ delicate flower.”

“Stop saying delicate flower!”

“Fine! I’m your bumblebee and I’m thirsty for your honey.”

“Oh my God!” Dean facepalmed himself.

“Oh my Bee... No... Queen Bee.” Castiel actually looked like he was seriously thinking over it.

Dean rolled his eyes and for the first time noticed that the man next to him wore only his other horrible pair of boxers. “We seriously need to buy you some new underwear.”

Cas looked happy about that thought and bounced up on his elbow. “I can wear yours! Or even better! I can take these off,” he turned a concentrated face down to his boxers and started to push them off.

Dean took his hand and guided it away. “Castiel, sweety,” he tried to catch his eye.

Cas stared into his eyes with a smile when he heard the nickname. “Yes?”

“Let’s go to sleep now, okay? It’s late and you will probably have a bad morning tomorrow.”

The other man showed his disappointment on his face but nodded nevertheless. Dean sighed this time with relief. He turned off the lamp and helped Cas under the blanket. He started to turn his back towards him like he always did, but Castiel stopped him, putting an arm over his waist. Dean thought he was going to try something again, but he just snuggled in closer and tucked his head under the blonde one’s chin. Dean really wanted to be mad at him, but he couldn’t. More than anything, he was worried. Castiel was acting like a child, drinking away his worries and that reminded Dean of someone close to home. He made himself comfortable and pulled the warm body closer, smelling the citrus shampoo that Cas liked. Dean fell asleep and dreamed of lime and lemon trees on a green field.

 

 

In the morning Dean could feel the deja vu creeping in. He watched how Castiel slept comfortably in his arms, his face smooth without a worry. When he started to have the same feeling of a creeper watching someone sleep, he detached himself from the man. Cas grunted in his sleep but didn’t wake up. Dean put his clothes on and went downstairs to find breakfast. After he had bought something greasy and two cups of black coffee, he headed back to the room. He set the things on the little table that had came with the room. He searched out Castiel’s painkillers and filled a class with water. When all the things were ready, he went back to bed, under the blanket. Turning himself towards Castiel, he started to drag his hand up and down the man’s side, hoping to wake him up gently. The other man came closer instinctively and put an arm over him. Something inside Dean made him lean closer and press a kiss against Cas’ temple. “ _Hey, wake up_ ,” he whispered near his ear. His hand lifted on it’s own volition and started petting Castiel’s hair. The warm body made a sound as it was starting to wake up. Soon blue eyes blinked up at him, still foggy with sleep. A minute passed and then finally Castiel seemed to see the position they were in. They looked like lovers.

Cas withdrew himself away from Dean, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He blinked a few times, looking around the room. When his eyes landed on the pills that stood on the nightstand, he sat up, taking them and gulping down the water. Done with that, he left the bed and went into the bathroom. There was silence for a while but soon Dean could hear the telltale sound of teeth being brushed. Dean stood and sat behind the table, beginning to dig into his breakfast. After a while, Castiel joined him.

“So... Are you going to tell me what yesterday was all about?” he asked his Boss when he finished his burger.

Castiel’s hand stopped mid bite for a second, but continued and the man chewed on his meal, not looking up from the table. “Can you elaborate?”

Dean sipped his coffee and eyed his friend. “You went out to discuss business with Chuck and came back completely drunk, so I gather something went wrong.”

“I’m sure I wasn’t that bad.”

“You called yourself a delicate flower,” Dean left out the part where Cas clamed to be ‘his’.

Castiel’s cheeks burned hot and he looked at the table more determinedly. “Well, I hope at least the sex was good.”

Dean’s brows furrowed. “We didn’t have sex, Cas.”

The other man chewed his bottom lip, looking like a child. He put down his burger and took a sip from his coffee. “What happened then?”

Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Nothing happened between us. But apparently something happened to you, because you’ve been acting strangely. I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

“Why do you care?” Castiel mumbled, still staring at the table.

Dean sent him an incredulous look. He put his hand on top of Cas’, which was on the table and the other man’s eyes stared at their hands now. “Because I’m your friend... and I’m worried.”

Finally Castiel looked up and there was surprise on his face. Like he hadn’t considered the fact that Dean thought of him as a true friend. He looked away again, like he was afraid to see into Dean’s eyes. “I... can’t... right now... I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m not ready.”

Dean caressed his hand with his thumb. “It’s okay, Cas. You don’t have to tell me everything. I just want to help you get some thing off your chest, okay?” And he didn’t even care how girly he might have sounded. He was willing to change his ‘no chick flick moments’ rule for Cas, because he was different, special. He knew that even when he didn’t want to admit it to himself just yet.

Castiel nodded. “It’s... a long story. We don’t have time for that right now.”

Dean petted his hand for the last time and then retracted his fingers. “Whenever you’re ready. I’m here for you.” He drank the last of his coffee and stood up, throwing his trash away.

Castiel finished his food as well and they made their way toward the bus together.

“Where were you two? You missed breakfast!” Gabriel said when they got onto the vehicle. They were on time too, because as soon as they got on, the driver started the engine.

“Dean brought the breakfast to my room. I wasn’t feeling so well,” was all Cas supplied him with and he walked to the back of the bus, closing the door behind himself.

Gabriel stared at the now closed door and then glanced at Dean. “He okay?”

Dean put on a smile and nodded. “He just had a headache, but he took painkillers so he’s fine now. Maybe a little tired still.”

“Oh, okay. That’s good then.”

Dean nodded again and climbed into his bunk. He really wanted to read further into his book.

 

 

After reading thirty pages, Dean felt his head get dizzy, so he thought checking up on his Boss was a great idea. He climbed out of his coffin and walked into the back room. He closed the door when he saw Castiel napping on the small couch. His feet were dangling over the armrest. The blue eyes opened and looked at his curiously.

“Do you want anything? Water, coffee, tea?”

Cas shook his head.

“Well, call me if you need me,” he smiled and was about to exit the room, but Castiel stopped him.

“Dean.”

He turned back towards the other man. “Yeah?”

Castiel sat up on the couch, making room for Dean to sit next to him. “I’m ready now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be special, so it means difficult writing for me and also means that I have no idea when I finish writing it. I hope it will be soon, because I'm excited for it!


	14. Find your way out of the grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV  
> Let's go back to the start and a little beyond.
> 
> WARNING:  
> *Low self-worth  
> *Mentions of emotional abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some additional things are revealed here. I didn't write them into Dean's POV, because to Dean they weren't worth mentioning (didn't know they were important).  
> In Castiel's chapters, I will write out some things Dean mentioned in passing. etc.
> 
> Might be a little confusing if you don't remember the first few chapters.

_Is this model lost?_ was the first thing Castiel thought about when he laid his eyes upon Dean.

There had been a knock at the door, warning the brothers that Castiel’s new assistant was finally there. Castiel had stood up from his place on the couch and looked at his phone, while Gabriel answered the door. He could hear mumbling voices, not really paying attention and all the while he had checked the time on his device. Huh, the guy was 2 minutes late, even though he had been noticed to arrive at least 10 minutes earlier than the original time that he had been called. And then his brother had moved away from his eye sight and he looked up to a pair of brilliant greens.

The second thing that Castiel thought, planted itself into his brain, waiting to grow with time in secret. _So he’s one of those playboy guys... It’s fine. I can play his game._ For Castiel, guys like him, who was standing before him, were the ones who liked to party, pick up girls, drink and go out to have some fun. Their biggest priority was to be awesome, and being in close encounters with one of the rising new rock bands would tell one mighty story. He got all that just by looking at him. He had been with guys like him before, hell, he even had fun with them in the past, but all that was what it was. In the past. So he decided to make his life a little more difficult. He was here to do his work and Castiel was the one who had to find out if he was qualified. He had fired 3 people already this year and if this Dean character was about to whine over the stress that would fall on his shoulders from the busy schedules, then he had no place in Castiel’s life to be dealt with.

Castiel’s eyes finally landed on his hand and he was reminded that he was supposed to say something. “Finally, you are here,” he said with a distant voice. He looked at his phone again, forgetting what he was thinking about just a minute ago -which was odd- but schooled his features and gathered the information that he needed. “You are 2 minutes late. Grab me a coffee down the hall, no sugar, no cream, just black and address me only as Mr Novak, does it reach your understanding?” He looked straight into his eyes, scrutinizing him.

“Y-yes,” he replied shallowly.

Castiel raised his brow, hardening his gaze, because did he really already forget what his Boss had said to him.

“Yes, Mr Novak,” came the answer.

Being satisfied with that, Castiel nodded and sat down on his spot on the couch again. At least his spot was still comfortably warm, so he opened his favorite gaming app, starting to play Mahjong while waiting on his coffee.

“You are not letting him live, huh?” Gabriel said when the room had quieted down.

Castiel turned his eyes on him. “He looks just like the other three I already had to fire because they couldn’t do their job. Why would I treat him any different?”

Gabriel lifted his arms in defence. “Hey, do what you want, I’m not complaining. But I have a feeling that that Dean-O guy and me could be great friends, so don’t turn him down so soon, okay? You didn’t even give him two seconds.”

Castiel wanted to roll his eyes, but the fact that he loved his brother, refrained him. Mumbling a quiet “whatever” instead, he went back to his phone.

When he heard the distant voice of the new crew member again, he reached out his hand for the coffee he knew was waiting. He said a quiet “thank you” when a hot beverage was placed between his fingers. Blowing into the lid and taking a small sip, he finished his game. He put his cup on the table to cool and saw the green eyed blonde still standing next to his couch. _Oh my Chuck, am I supposed to babysit now?_

He gestured to the seat next to him. “Please, have a seat,” he told the other man, while picking a new level for him to play. “Do you have my schedule with you?” This part he knew all too well. Hopefully Dean had done everything that was asked from him, so they could get forward into their day without any complications or surprises. This year’s second assistant hadn’t taken his medical tests and was fired after he gave an STD to one of their stage crew members.

He asked about the schedule for today, even though he remembered it clearly, having to do so because of the lack of an assistant. The man read from the paper and he couldn’t help himself, scolding him for not memorizing it. And he didn’t stop himself from giving his opinion about the purse the man was carrying with himself. Honestly, it was ridicilous, screaming: _I might be gay, but I am not. I swear!_ When he got his personal info papers, he read them through with a quick look. Chuck had done all that was required to hire Dean, but the run for actually staying on this job started today. He was being held on trial as to speak.

“So you have a brother?”

“Yes, four years younger...Sir.” He kind of liked the nickname.

“And you are single, so you don’t have to make any personal calls to your lover and don’t require time off to visit them?” Where in the Heaven’s had that come from? It was written clearly on the paper, so why did he think it was necessary to recheck the information? Probably because the info could’ve changed in a few days.

“No, Sir. Just me.”

“And did you take the tests?”

Dean handed him the medical information and he was glad to see he was clean. “Great, you are completely clean. That means we don’t have to be worried when you cut yourself open. But it is important, that you take another test, whenever you have sexual relations with anyone during the tour,” he stopped when his dick gave a twitch. Was his body not telling something to his brain? He ignored his mild arousal and continued his speech. After they settled everything, he was finally able to go back to his game. But his brother started talking and he couldn’t turn off his attention this time.

“So you like your job so far?”

“Y-yes, it’s very... I-Interesting.”

Castiel looked up at him, angered at his response. _Interesting? That’s what he’s going with?_ Oh now the game was on. If he wanted to keep his job, he sure would have to fight for it.

 

 

The day passed quickly and when he got to the spa for his massage appointment, he was put off by the way the woman tried to fondle his butt. Becoming famous had it’s downs and being sexually harassed was one of them. Castiel was being sick of being used without his say so.

The next day he was happily surprised when Dean welcomed him with a hot cup of coffee. But Castiel wouldn’t be won so easily, at least not anymore, so he put the other man to work. If he was being honest with himself, he was giving the guy almost impossible tasks, but to his utter astonishment, he managed to do them all. Maybe with slight mishaps, but did them nonetheless. And another thing that surprised him, was that he was slowly starting to like him. He didn’t interact with him that much, but he could see how well he got along with his brothers and that was his highest priority in this mess. He once came back with a number written on his hand and Castiel was so confused. He felt something curl in his chest, building a nest there and he couldn’t lie and tell that it wasn’t jealousy. Dean was attractive, yes. But Castiel didn’t know what to do with the feeling of being jealous, because he didn’t even know the guy. He knew from the start that Dean plays around, but seeing how he took his time to actually flirt while being on the job angered Castiel. In the end it would be Castiel who suffers from the problems it might cost. And he told Dean just that.

 

“Mr Novak?”

The voice pulled Castiel back down on earth. He looked to his right and saw Dean standing there on eye level. Castiel was lying on his bunk bed, trying to get some shut-eye while they drove to Chicago. He stayed silent, waiting for him to speak the matter.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but there is an appointment with Dr Barnes in a few minutes. There was no address so I wasn’t sure...” the boy looked nervous. Good.

“It’s okay, Dean. We will speak through Skype. Could you bring me my computer from upstairs?” He didn’t wait for an answer, just climbed out of his bed and went to the back of the bus. _Is it really time to speak to her again?_ Dean brought him his laptop and he dismissed him. After logging in to Skype, he brought up his Doctor’s profile and called her.

“Hello, Castiel. How are you today?” she spoke as she answered.

“I’m... I’m good. A little tired.”

“Work wearing you down?”

He shrugged. “I guess you could say that.”

“How is your new assistant?”

“He’s name is Dean. He, uh. He seems to be much better than the last ones.”

“He’s adapting greatly?”

“It seems so, yes.”

“And you, how do you feel about him?”

Castiel frowned, searching her face. “I thought it wasn’t about how I feel for the person I’m in charge of.”

He reminded himself of the talk they had had two years ago. What started all this assistant fiasco.

 

_“Maybe it would be best if you’d hire someone. You know, someone you could tell what to do for a change. An assistant would be the most appropriate for your line of work.”_

_“Why would I need an assistant? I am capable of memorizing my schedules and bringing my own food.”_

_“Yes, I am aware of that. But you have had some complications in the past by being the underdog...”_

_“I was taken an advantage of, you can say that,” he said gruffly, cutting her off._

_Her face fell because of the words he had used. “It is hard for some to deal with the knowing of being used in the past, especially after such a horrific act. I merely suggest it as an exercise. I feel like what you need is to be in charge, take leads. Maybe that’s why you feel more comfortable when you top in bed.”_

_Castiel looked at her with an incredulous face. “This is getting ridiculous. What I prefer in the bedroom has nothing to do with...”_

_“Castiel, please. Hear me out.”_

_He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair with a huff, acting like a grumpy child._

_“You told me you lacked any normal friendship in your school years. As it is quite common for students to not interact as much in school, it is worrisome for you to do that in your adulthood. I am sure your brothers are very good companions, but family still isn’t the same connection as with another person who is not related. For you to get an assistant, would help improve some of the skills that weren’t fully developed in your past. You will have to be with that person in close proximity and him or her helping you in the meantime to get a grip on the flow of your life, will help you get better.”_

_“I wasn’t aware that there was something so drastically wrong with me,” he replied sarcastically._

_“But you should get out of your shell a bit. There are so many things for you to discover that every person needs in their life. Loyalty, trust, affection, friendship, making love...”_

_“There is no such thing.”_

_She looked at him with a sympathetic smile. “There is. You just have to find it. And getting an employee is the first step for you.”_

 

“Of course that is not the prime priority. But making friends would do you good.”

“I’m not going to be his friend. I’m his Boss.”

“It’s not uncommon to make friends with people you work with.”

“I should now, I work with my two best friends.”

She smiled her little smile that always infuriated Castiel. He didn’t want pity. “And they are your brothers. You know everything about them. I am not saying you should go and make friends with him. Maybe get to know him a little? You said you gave every assistant time to prove themselves, am I not right?”

“Yes, but I’m looking for someone who can do their job, not someone who came here to talk about my problems.”

“No, that is my job,” she laughed. “If you really want to decide if he is suitable for being someone you trust your work with, then you should get to know him. Not intimately, just the basic facts about him. He has to earn his place.”

“He is earning.”

“How do you mean?”

“I give him tasks and he does them. No matter how hard. If he completes them, I will trust him to do his work properly.”

“Oh, Castiel. I don’t think it’s wise.”

“Why not?”

“You see. You are giving him an ultimatum. To find a trustworthy employee, you can’t treat them like your personal slaves, so to speak. You might be mirroring the affects she left on you.”

His eyes burned with fury. “She has nothing to do with that! She is forgotten and I will never be like her!”

“Some things you can’t forget. You have to learn from them. I suggest you to not wear Dean out, or you’ll be searching for a new assistant very soon. Again. Try to think of him as equal. He too has needs and desires and you should know them. You never know how a person can change your life when you get to know them. And if you understand him, it will make the working place much more pleasant.”

“So what are you getting at here?”

“Have a chat with him. Just the two of you. There are things that you can’t learn from an introduction paper.”

 

He listened his therapist and took Dean to dinner in Chicago. The guy was so jittery, he could literally feel him shaking next to him and that made Castiel nervous too. _How do normal people do these kinds of things?_ That was the reason why he buried himself in his phone once again, but also tried to calm his assistant down. All his shifting gave him a headache. He didn’t know what to even ask Dean. His Doctor suggested to get to know him, but he already did. He screwed around, was like everybody else, a little awkward and a bundle of nerves when it came to serious business. He also had a problem with stuttering, which fascinated Castiel to the extent that he wanted to know where it was coming from.

When they got to the diner, Dean ordered beer. Woman’s man, check. Drinks, check.

“Is it really wise to drink during your job?”

He looked like a kid caught on a mischief. “I uh, I’m sorry, I usually order beer, it was out of habit, I can order something else...” he was talking a mile a minute.

Castiel shook his head, stopping the rambling. “It is not necessary, you have been tense lately, so maybe it will relax you a little. But try to not take it overboard. I will not appreciate you being drunk and not being able to do the tasks I ask from you.”

“Of course, Mr Novak.”

Castiel sighed and ran a hand through his hair, keeping his eyes on the table. He seriously felt like a babysitter and he was tired of talking already. Maybe this wasn’t working and he wasn’t going to be fixed. Even if he wasn’t broken, at least for him it didn’t feel like he was missing something. But maybe it was because he didn’t know exactly _what_ to miss. Or who.

He could see his assistant peering at him from the corner of his eye. “Is there something on my face?” He lifted his gaze and true to the fact, the man was staring at him.

“N-no.”

“Well that’s reassuring,” he searched for something to ask, while getting lost in the endless green of Dean’s eyes. His irises had specks of gold in them, that reminded him rays of sunshine. At a certain angle, his eyes looked brown. Huh, he really didn’t mind looking in them. “So how do you feel about your job so far, Dean? Any complaints?”

“N-no, everything is great.” His little eye twitch and the swallow of the throat said something else.

“You know what I don’t like, Dean? Liars.”

“Me neither, Sir.”

“Then why won’t you enlighten me with the truth then?” His eyebrow raised, waiting for the right answer. He was tired of people lying to him.

“I think it’s not really wise to tell the truth to your boss. You can end up fired, if the truth is too much.” Castiel could hand it to Dean. He was smart.

“That is true, but I have heard it all before, so surprise me. Also I need to know if you have any suggestions what I need to change.” The first assistant had said that he was a whining baby, which amused Castiel, because all his employee had done was whine about the job. He also brutally flirted with other staff, doing multiple sex assaults in _one_ day.

“Well... It is a little tiresome a-and... I mean, I really like it, but any kind of job wears you down, right? I guess I have to get used to it.”

Castiel couldn’t help himself. “Do you have a stutter problem? Maybe from something in your childhood...”

“What? No?...No.”

Castiel was amused when he failed to prove him otherwise. It must come from the nerves then. “I guess you have to warm up a little then. And again, you need to relax. Maybe call that number you got the other day and ask her out.” He wanted to try and see if he would jump at the opportunity to get laid.

Dean looked confused. “We, uh, we are five hours away from her now.”

“Well, then you could find someone after work, I’m sure you can have anyone you’d like.” _With a face and eyes like that, I might even do you... Wait. What?_

“I think _you_ should relax,” he put emphasis on the word ‘you’. Was he suggesting something? Or did Castiel read the signs wrongly? Didn’t hurt to ask.

“Are you suggesting we should find something relaxing together?” His dick gave a twitch at that thought. It happened a lot lately, mainly in the presence of Dean. Maybe it was broken or something. He should go to the doctor.

“No, no. That’s not what I meant. I mean, you... Always. I mean, you seem on edge and I suggested you should maybe relax, alone. Without me,” Dean was digging himself a deep hole to bury himself into. And that didn’t give Castiel another visual image of something else.

_He is talking about masturbation right?_ Castiel could easily read between the lines now. After years of practise. “I’m not a huge fan of masturbation.” Castiel almost laughed at the face Dean had made, when their waitress came to bring their drinks.

Castiel made himself clear that he didn’t sleep around. At least not anymore. His first years of adulthood actually mainly consisted of alcohol, smoking and warm naked bodies, but that was a story for another time. He even admitted to Dean that singing helps him to relax. His music was actually one of the things that saved him from a life of mysery. And his Doctor was right. He was being hard on Dean. He guessed he should be more humane towards him.

 

He really should’ve seen it coming. The mistake Dean had done that would change everything.

He had ordered less rooms than they needed. Seriously- a babysitter. Because Dean was his responsibility, it was obvious who would have to share the room with him. When he mentioned sleeping in one bed Dean fled the room, going to Chuck knows where. Castiel didn’t see the problem about sleeping together, because why would that be weird if they wouldn’t even be awake. He didn’t give it another thought and got ready for bed. When he came back in the middle of the night, Castiel felt him climb in to the bed, but was too tired to scold him for waking him and fell back asleep.

Dean turned into an octupus when he was sleeping. Castiel got that information when he had to push the body off of himself multiple times during the night. Finally Dean won and Castiel wasn’t able to push him off, staring at the ceiling instead. It was way too early to be up, but he couldn’t go back to sleep again. Dean’s head rested on his chest, his arm loosely around his abdomen and Castiel couldn’t shake off the feeling of warmth and contentment. He bearly knew him, but it felt comfortable to cuddle with him in bed. And that thought scared Castiel. What was this man doing to him? He recalled the times when he was a young boy, dreaming about something like this. He would lie on his bed and imagine a warm set of arms embracing him lovingly. Or holding someone himself. Preferably after they had made love, kissed each other’s skin affectionately, searching hands mapping the skin of his lover. But he had lost his faith. There was no such thing as true love, there was only sex, lying and using. Humanity was ruined and it had ruined Castiel too.

So now he lay there, stiffly waiting for the other man to wake up, meanwhile thinking about the decisions he had made in life. An hour passed and it wasn’t because he was beginning to get uncomfortable. It was because he felt something wet cling on his shirt, that he finally tapped his finger against Dean’s forehead until his silent snoring stopped. _Did he dribble on me?_ He waited patiently for the man to wake up, but insted of sitting up, Dean cuddled into his chest more, strengthenin his grip around his waist. Castiel’s chest contracted painfully for a second and he was about to start panicking, when Dean suddenly snapped back, staring down at him. Feeling calmer than before, he sat up on his elbows.

“I gather you’re a cuddler. Although I never asked for that particular information,” he tilted his head and squinted his eyes, studying the man. He looked more freaked out than he felt. And his chest was beautifully decorated with their band’s logo.

“I’m, I’m so so sorry, Mr Novak. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I think I was drunk and I hope I didn’t do anything worse...”

“Relax, Dean. Nothing happened, you were just unconscious so it wasn’t your fault,” he forgave the man for some reason, which was beyond him to think about right now. He stood up, taking his shirt off slowly to not contact his face with the wet spot. Honestly, he only took off his shirt because Dean had a naked upper body and he wanted to be shirtless too, damn it. Never hurted anyone to show off his body a little. He shoved the shirt towards Dean. “Take this to dry cleaning.” He didn’t need a reason to think about Dean while wearing that shirt. Something told him that the dry cleaning would not help with that.

When Dean fled the room again, he jumped into the shower and dressed himself into comfortable clothes. He was sitting on the bed, when Dean came back with two cups of coffee. He took his cup and had a sip. All the while when he had waited for his assistant, he couldn’t get the image of Dean’s naked chest out of his mind. Because of the tattoo of course. He dragged his eyes over his body once again and for the first time, since he had met Dean, appreciated what he saw.

“I didn’t know you had our band logo tattooed on you.”

“Oh that, uhh... It was my brother’s idea and he has one too. Actually it also is an anti-possession symbol.”

“I know,” Castiel smiled, because _really, Dean? I do know how to do my research_. “So you are a fan then?” Personally, he felt weird saying the word ‘fan’ because he didn’t understand how an air conditioner comes in play in that signification.

“You could say that, but usually I like classic rock.”

“I know that also, it was on your description paper. Do you have a favorite band member of ‘Heaven’s Host’?”

“Uh, no,” Dean said and blushed. His eyed went up and down over Castiel’s body and that’s when Castiel understood that Dean might have been his personal fanboy. He smiled wider, but stopped himself before he could give the man a full teeth smile. Was he flirting with Dean? It felt so alien to Castiel, so he schooled his features, mumbling something about getting ready and took his stuff, escaping the room. His body and mouth still didn’t want to tell the secrets to his brain, that they seemed to know about. Maybe if he slept with Dean, he will go back to normal?

All the while they were in Kansas, Castiel could see how Dean was fighting with his thoughts. He grew up there, so there might have been some bad memories the man really didn’t want to think about. Castiel understood him, because he too had memories that he’d rather forget. He kept his distance, not wanting to worry Dean while he was clearly mourning in his old hometown. But he couldn’t stop the curiosity that was slowly clouding his mind.

After when they were back in their hotel, Dean asked him to let him get together with his brother. And Castiel saw that as his chance. He purposefully declined at first, to see how big of a bond he and his brother had. Also he wanted to coax the real Dean out, because he was sure that the version he was familiar with, wasn’t the whole picture. And lo and behold, when Dean started shouting, Castiel’s dick got harder with every word. It was clear that he loved his brother and Castiel too would fight for his. But what got under his skin, was the fact that Dean talked back at him, calling him out on his bullshit. He saw a glimpse of Dean and he really, really wanted to be used in that moment... Which was... weird. He had to go to the psychologist, because he didn’t want to feel being used in the first place, so why was he thinking about Dean fucking his face right now? Maybe because he would be in control with that decision? Because he had made it? He couldn’t get a clear answer, so he just acted on his instincts, dropping to his knees and coaxing Dean to play along. Again, he was sure that after a blowjob, he wouldn’t think about Dean so much again. But after they had had their little show, Castiel couldn’t get Dean’s face, covered with his cum, out of his head. He made sure to test him afterwards, giving him a simple task like bringing him water, but didn’t make his full request with one sentence, so Dean had to walk back and forth between the table and him. Dean showed only a little annoyance, but still obliged, which was a good sign. He was worried that after getting a blowjob from his Boss, he would get lazy, like he was too good for his job. Maybe would even ask for more money and tell everyone what just had happened. But he stayed silent and did everything that was asked from him, which surprised Castiel.

 

Back on the bus Gabriel had a few words to say.

“So what’s up with you and Dean?” he asked and sat down next to Castiel on a sofa.

“Huh?” _Did Dean tell him something?_

“You basically dicked around with him this morning. Do you have a problem with him or something? Because if he’s troubling you, I could kick his butt.”

“That won’t be necessary. I have no problem with Dean.”

“Then why do that to him? Toy with him like that? Others have been fired for far less. Remember Max?”

“He has potential to be a professional assistant. He is not like others. Espescially not like Max, thank Chuck.”

“I’m not saying anything. Just, you seemed to be on a mission to see him fail, but you yourself failed instead. You can tell me if you have something going on, big brother.”

“It’s okay, there’s nothing going on. Maybe you were once right and I am that sadistic bastard who likes to torture people.”

Gabriel laughed at that. “Not to burst your bubble, but that sounds more like me. If you don’t like him, you can always find another, you know.”

“I like him,” Castiel interjected too quickly. Gabriel watched him with suspicious eyes, so he went on. “I think he is... Trustworthy. Even if he sometimes does a lousy job.” Castiel wasn’t sure if the word ‘trustworthy’ was right in this situation, because he didn’t even trust himself. Although something about Dean wanted him to hold onto the boy. But he was sure that ‘lousy job’ and Dean Winchester, didn’t go hand in hand. He had done brilliant job so far, Castiel just needed something to throw his brother off the track. He didn’t like to lie to his brother, because he got hurt once already, because Castiel was so blind. But he wanted to figure this out on his own, whatever ‘this’ would be.

“Just don’t go overboard okay? I know you’ve changed, but don’t be too hard on that poor man.”

“It’s rich coming from you.”

They both laughed at that.

 

 

When he talked about their time together to his assistant, Castiel said that Dean was just a man to him, trying hard to believe that himself. And when he _did_ offer to pay more money, Dean threw it back at his face. He was a character that started to interest Castiel. That was why he became crazed with the feeling of jealousy, when a girl in too short clothes, approached Dean in the busy casino in Vegas. His mind was screaming ‘ _mine! mine! mine!’_ at him and he was too shocked to do anything, other than get Dean far away from that satan’s spawn. He even dedicated a song piece to her, saying to get her filthy hands away from _his_ pie. The song suited brilliantly to his situation, because Dean loved pie –if pie with three exclamation marks, under the favorite food on his description paper, was any indication- and Castiel wouldn’t mind Dean being his pie. Before the song happened though, Castiel woke up in his bed with Dean in his arms. He vaguely remembered being drunk and horny, but other than that, there was television static. After Dean promised that nothing had happened, Castiel was glad to find that Dean had some sense in him. And he might’ve gotten a little overboard, when trying to get back at Dean and make him feel disgruntled like he made Castiel on daily basis. But he enjoyed seeing Dean flustered too much to scold himself for that.

After the Vegas show, Castiel approached Dean. “You don’t want to cuddle with me anymore?” It was interesting how Dean brought out the humorous side of Castiel. But he couldn’t decide if it was a joke or an invitation.

Dean looked confused. “What?”

“Well, you seemed pretty cozy today in the morning.” Actually, he was the one who cuddled into Dean, but that wasn’t important right now.

“I...what?” Dean said again.

Castiel laughed him off. So that’s a no then. He didn’t know why he felt disappointed. “Goodnight, Dean.” He went back to his too big and empty room, and was surprised yet again when Dean knocked on his door minutes later. And he thought he couldn’t infuriate him any more. “Dean?”

“I accept your offer and I returned my room, so here I am.” He smiled triumphantly, probably the same smile he used on his lovers to get them to bed. It wasn’t working on Castiel though.

He looked at the bag Dean was holding. _So he isn’t kidding?_ “What?”

“You know, you shouldn’t play with guy’s feelings. It is your fault, you got yourself in this mess.”

“You are not serious.” How can he say that Castiel was in the fault, when he himself corrupted his Boss’ world just by being near?

“Are you going to let me in or what? I can’t sleep on the corridor floor.” Again – a babysitter. It reminded Castiel of a bad porno he once had seen on the television.

“You do realize it was just a joke, right?” he opened the door for him nonetheless.

“Yep,” Dean smiled wider, which was putting Castiel off, “But you shouldn’t joke around me. Just sayin’.” And then there were people, who thought Castiel didn’t understand humor.

“I should really leave you here on that tiny couch, but then again I couldn’t bear your whining in the morning, so I guess we have to share again because of your stupidity.” Castiel thought about bending Dean over the sofa’s armrest and showing him how a punishment looked like, but he was too tired to even paint the visual image. He left Dean to his musings and stomped off to bed.

 

He woke up in the morning, because something pointy was pressing into his back. And when he soon realized the strong arms around him, he reached a conclusion that the pointy thing must be Dean’s dick. Which was erect. Now Castiel was a man who loved morning sex, but still, he was surprised to find out that his own member was hard too. Considering the half boners he almost had every day, he shouldn’t have been impressed. It was still too dark outside, but Castiel was too horny to give a damn. He pushed his ass back, connecting with the hardness and bit back a moan. Like his Doctor had said, he liked to be on top usually. But right now, he almost _craved_ Dean’s cock. And he was too far gone to give a damn about that too. After he managed to wake Dean up, he let the other man push him on his stomach. He presented himself to Dean, sensing the chills that coursed through his body when he gave up control. It hadn’t happen before - the chills. He let him pound his fingers and then later his cock inside of him, all the while bickering like an old man and he whited out for a second when he came.  When he came to, Dean was smearing his own cum all over his face and he licked it off from his hand, feeling how the other man was pushing just the right buttons. A cum-faced Dean swam into his memories and he almost came twice. When Dean himself came, screaming Castiel’s nickname, Novak felt shivers go down his spine. And when it was all over, Castiel didn’t stop himself and stared at the other guy in wonder. _What is it about this man, who I can’t get enough of?_ He was reminded of how low he had let his walls go and he was up and in the bathroom before he knew it. _What is happening to me? I can’t let him see me like this! I will never go down that road again. Never! I can’t trust anybody!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it wasn't too confusing!  
> I know stuff (professions, places, dialect etc.) what I write about only mildly, so, sorry if I'm not accurate.  
> I thought I was going to do just one Castiel's POV chapter (for now), but it would've been too long. And I might add art to this chapter later.  
> I really would like to know what you think! (Help me improve myself!)


	15. You keep lurking in my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV
> 
> WARNING:  
> *Low self-worth  
> *Mentions of emotional abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, it's been a long time since the last chapter. Sorry for that, but life got in the way.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Castiel was able to calm himself down for breakfast and was his old self after that. He didn't even want to think about that mild nervous breakdown that he had had in the bathroom, so he avoided contact with people as much as possible. Dean was being quiet too, thank Chuck and soon they arrived at San Francisco without any problems. Today, Dean's brother was going to join them for a show and honestly, Castiel couldn't wait. He wanted to see how the two brothers reacted around each other, because Castiel had a weird problem with observing things, people. That was the main reason why people were so freaked out by him when he went to school. But he couldn't help it. Watching silently, learning body language and impressions. Turns out it became one of his most best qualities, after the 'Big Event'. It helped him learn a lot about a person just by looking at them.

  
Now that the day was here, Castiel held Dean close, afraid that he will dismiss his duties. Also he could feel the anxiety coming on every time he thought about meeting a new person. He wasn't opposed to see new faces, he did that every day with endless interviewers and such, but actually interacting and trying to leave a good impression, he was worst at that. It seemed like Dean had hated him on the first few days. He was not sure what the other man thought about him now, but the fact that they had sex, seemed to be good indicator enough to show him that they weren't enemies. Nevertheless his relationship with Dean, he knew that he had to leave a good impression to Sam, because his name depended on it and he didn't want to disappoint Dean.

"You know, Chuck talked about the meet and greet. Told us that we soon would be ready to start doing that," Gabriel said to Castiel as they were standing in the hallway. Dean was there too, but he looked bored and certainly wasn't paying attention.  
"Did he say how long it will take to set that up? I know he said we don't have enough budget to do something major."  
Gabriel shrugged. "He said something about having to take on a bigger concert. Maybe warm up to some famous bands, but he didn't have any offers yet, so he wasn't sure."  
"Hmm," Castiel nodded and thought about that. They had a plan to start selling meet and greet tickets, but enough money was spent on the crew members, stage equipment, the tour bus, hotel rooms and the show planners and places, that they didn't have any spare money. Of course hiring an assistant for Castiel took some extra money, so it effected their estimate too, but only by little. They weren't that famous, so they often had money problems and had to cancel some shows, but this year's touring had really hit off and if they really did some bigger shows, they would have enough money to start having meet and greets with their fans. Castiel was both excited and terrified about that.   
Before Castiel could say something else, Gabriel's attention shifted to a point behind Castiel. "Oh my candy stick, who is that delicious looking giant?" his brother muttered under his breath.  
Castiel turned his head just in time to see Dean almost skipping down the hall. He screamed a name at the new comer and enveloped him in his arms. Castiel tried not to be jealous, but failed pathetically. It was probably his brother, but seeing Dean hugging someone made him want to hold the other man just a bit closer to himself. He really should talk to his therapist about this new obsession that he seemed to have. It was ridiculous and unhealthy.  
He and Gabriel made their way towards the two men who were talking enthusiastically about something. Gabriel nudged his side with his elbow. "Is that his brother? They seriously had some mad good genetics. What do you think? Maybe they were created in a laboratory?"  
Castiel frowned at his brother and his normally weird conspiracy theories. "This is a whole new level of absurdness, Gabriel."  
Gabriel looked at him accusingly. "You're seriously trying to pretend that these two don't look like some Gods?" he turned his attention towards the giant again and there was something shining in his eyes, "Especially the big one."  
Fortunately Castiel didn't have to say anything to that (like that he believed that Dean was more breathtaking), because they reached their destination and stood before the two supposedly brothers.   
Gabriel offered his hand with a huge smile on his face. "Hi, you must be Deano's little brother. Although I'd say mighty big." He put emphasis on the word little, because this tall man was anything but.   
"Yeah, I'm Sam. You must be Gabriel." They shook hands and Castiel could feel the mutual attractiveness in the air. He turned a critical eye on Sam, trying to find out if he was great enough for his little brother.  
"Sam," he turned towards the tall man and when he offered a hand, he took it between his own. Dean had only mentioned his little brother a few times, but Castiel was good at remembering names. Looking deeply into his eyes, he began to map him in his mind. "Dean's younger brother. It's so nice to finally put a face to a name, I'm glad you made it. I gather that you already know my name?" He had a firm hand and his smile reached his multidimensional eyes which reminded Castiel of a huge puppy. The long hair didn't do him any favors either. He had to agree that he looked handsome, but the height difference was a bit jarring.  
"It's so good to meet you too and yes, Castiel, I know your name."  
Castiel nodded and let go of his hand. This new face seemed to be friendly enough, so Castiel's job was done here. He had some stuff to do and he was happy to leave the further introduction into his brother's and assistant's capable hands. "Gabriel and Dean will give you a tour, if you will excuse me, I have to attend a meeting." Finishing with his sentence, he turned around and walked towards the green room, not missing a comment from his brother about his manner of speak. He often used higher words when he was nervous and he usually felt awkward after each conversation where he felt like he had made an ass of himself. A journalist wanted to have an interview just between Castiel and her, so when Castiel entered the room, he wasn't surprised that they were left alone.

  
"Hello," he greeted the new face. She had blonde hair, but the wrong shade of green eyes.  
She smiled brightly and shook hands with the singer. "Hello, Mr Novak. It's nice to meet you. I'm Kelly McGregor from the Insighter magazine. I will be recording our interview if that's okay?"  
He sat down on the chair opposite of her and nodded. "Go on."  
She put up her stuff and started recording. She also had a notepad with a pen in her hand. "So, Mr Novak. How has been your touring so far?"  
"It's been good. Better than before actually, a lot of new faces."  
"Yes, it seems that this year you have been more successful with your brothers and are beginning to form a bigger fan base. Do you think you will be worldwide famous soon?"  
He shifted uncomfortably, put held up his smile. He really didn't like to give these kinds of interviews. "I honestly do not know what the future has for us. But I do hope that our music spreads to the people the way we or they want it to."  
"What do you mean by that?"  
"Like I've said many times before, I do not really care about the fame, if I could go without it and still affect people with my music, I'll take it. I don't want people to think that we are shoving our music down their throats. I want people to discover our messages themselves, not only listen to our music, because it is the 'new deal' in music business. There is a lot more what you see from an ice berg and all that that stays below, is the support and strength I want to share with the people," he made quote marks with his fingers, because it was ridiculous for him to push the new rising bands on to the people.  
"So, what I gather, is that you believe you make something different than music?"  
"I hope so. It's not about saving the world or anything, honestly we three are not enough for that. But I do hope that what we do can help someone, make them feel better. I confess that my music and also my favorite groups have saved me too and I believe that music is the cure for anything, no matter what genre you might like."  
"Yes, that is a very good point. But speaking of new faces... We have seen a lot of pictures of you with a mysterious light haired man who, told by my sources, works for you?"  
It's funny, he didn't even see the pictures the press might have taken, but these kind of things were unstoppable. "He is my new assistant."  
"New? So there is a line of bad past assistants behind your door?"  
He huffed a laugh at that. He didn't understand why his personal life was so important. He wanted to sell music, not himself. "I've been looking for someone who I can trust and so far Dean has been the perfect candidate for that."  
"A lot of people speculated that he was someone more than just a man who works for you. Are the rumors true? Are you finally off the market?"  
Castiel frowned, but then laughed. "There are rumors already?"  
She smiled too and shrugged. "There has been whispers, yes."  
"And everyone is okay to match me with another man? I thought the whole 'he's gay' thing was required a big news?"  
"Like I said- there has only been rumors. But are you telling us that you prefer the presence of a male?"  
Castiel shook his head and shut his eyes for a while. "No, I'm not saying that I am gay. I know how the press wants to have big news, but I apologize to tell you the truth that I am not gay, nor am I straight. I am just some guy who wants to make music. I also don't like labels."  
"Hmm. That's an interesting view. But then again, that means you are available on market, so hold on to something when a storm full of people start coming your way."

 

  
Like his day couldn't get any worse, the merchandise got mixed up and Castiel was too irritated to let the people who usually dealt with that, do their job. Who knows, they might make it even worse and Castiel liked doing things on his own. But as his room was filled up with bags full of clothes, he felt hopeless. Trying to make things better, he took the clothes out of the bags, but managed to make even a bigger mess. There was a lot to do and Castiel knew he wouldn't be done with this in time if he worked alone, so he messaged Dean to get in there. Together they seemed to work in a perfect rhythm and were done with the job before Castiel even knew. It was one thing that he had noticed with Dean - they worked greatly together, whatever the obsticle was. Castiel even was suspicious of Dean for mind reading, but hoped it was just the other man's instinct.

After the show they all sat down in the green room and chatted for a while, because they were having a guest. Gabriel kept his eyes on Dean's younger brother the whole time, which made Castiel think if the golden haired troublemaker had made friends with Sam. He seemed to be a very friendly and honest person, so Castiel found that he liked him too. In a little room, like the one they were staying in that moment, Sam was like a red beacon, staying in everyone's attention because of his tall appearance.   
"So, Sam. What do you do?" asked Gabriel with an easy smirk from one of the armchairs, Castiel sat on the other one left in the room.   
Sam shifted on the couch, sitting between Michael and Dean, leaning his elbows on his knees. "I'm a coach at a local gym in my hometown."  
"Oh?" Gabriel's brow raised into his hair, "What do you teach?"  
"I teach yoga, wrestling and self-defense, some typical physical training and I jog in the mornings with some of my neighbors for free."  
"No wonder you look so fit," Gabriel commented.  
"You are quite young, did you finish school already?" Michael asked.  
"Yes, I finished my law degree at Stanford a few years ago, but it wasn't what I really wanted to do."  
"Impressive. Did you, Dean, go there too?"  
Dean laughed at that. "Nah, I only got my GED, but it makes no difference for me to get a good job."  
Castiel took a water bottle from the table and took a sip. He listened the conversation quietly and found himself looking at some part of Dean again and again. It wasn't his fault the man was distracting, coaxing Castiel to be attuned to every movement he made. It made him worry a little, because if he was going to start feeling something, he would be in a lot of trouble. He still didn't know Dean that well and he seriously didn't need any kind of relationship. Also it would be hard for Dean to understand him, because he wasn't that experienced in the couples stuff and if he ever came close, it always made him uncomfortable and awkward. There was this constant reminder in his head, that in the end of every relationship, he will be in pain and he really didn't want to be in that state ever again. So he didn't know how to act around Dean, because he was attracted only to his looks, for now. It was easier to communicate with Sam, so he said a few words too as the evening progressed, but didn't stay in the chat for long, feeling safer at just listening.

 

  
In Seattle, Castiel couldn't help but notice how nicely Dean's jeans hugged his ass that day. The pleasant view almost lead to a solo session under the running shower water, but Castiel decided to cleanse himself instead, hoping Dean would want to have sex with him later. It was weird to think like that, but they already shared a bed once before, second time would be nothing. Castiel will probably be on the receiving end again, because he had no idea if Dean usually had sex with guys. He seemed straight and if a straight guy would sleep with another man, they usually would choose the top position. This would probably be the last time they even have sex, because then they can still call it a one night stand, or whatever that is. If the intimate interactions should continue, some kind of commitment must be formed and Castiel wasn't sure if he was ready for that.

When he came down from the stage, he caught Dean sneaking glances to his sweaty chest and the propositioning him was easy.   
"Dean, would you come to my dressing room with me?" Castiel asked him while screwing his water bottle open. He didn't wait for an answer, just kept walking towards his room and wiping his forehead with a towel. When he got to his room, he heard footsteps behind him, so he didn't bother to close the door, leaving the task to Dean. He turned around when his assistant closed it. "I know it is unexpected of me to ask, but would you like to have sex with me again?"  
Dean did a double take and stared at him with big eyes that seemed brown in this lighting. "What? R-Right now?"  
Castiel nodded. "Yes, before I shower again."  
Dean stood there indecisive, putting his weight on his left foot and then right.   
"You can say no of course. But as I said, I don't visit the pubs to hook up, so I'm asking you if you're willing," he took off his shirt to get more air around his torso.   
Dean's eyes slid over his chest and seemed to widen when they took in the bulge between his jean clad legs. He swallowed, eyes darkening and teeth chewing on his perfectly curved lips. "Okay," his voice finally croaked, body slowly filling with lust.   
Castiel granted a small smile at the corner of his lips and unbuttoned his pants. He knew he probably looked irresistible to Dean in that moment and he was ready to take advantage of the situation. Thinking that, he stopped and wiped the smile off of his face. Really looking at this case, everything looked more serious than Castiel had thought. Was he making the wrong choice here? But before his mind could go any further, he saw Dean's expression shift. His whole manner changed and looking at this transformation fascinated Castiel. His seemingly shy assistant turned into confident bachelor, ready to get some ass. He strided over to him and turned him roughly over, which made Castiel gasp. He was crushed between a table and Dean, his heart pounding in his ears and erection now screaming to get free. He liked it. He really, really liked it. Dean like this. Castiel being at his mercy.   
"Where's your lube?" Dean roughly spoke into his ear and Castiel couldn't even answer him. He just opened his black makeup bag and took out the bottle Dean needed. Dean yanked him backwards and in the next second Castiel found himself on the sofa. Dean managed to get him on his hands and knees, pulling his jeans and underwear down.   
Castiel pushed his ass up and said hurriedly, "You don't have to prep me, I already did it."  
He could hear Dean groaning behind him and the sound of a zipper being opened. It only took a few seconds, before he felt a wet cock press against his hole. Dean grabbed his hips and slowly pushed in, drawing a moan out of Castiel's mouth. He didn't even know how much he needed it, until Dean was fully seated inside him. Dean didn't give him much time to feel the length stretching him, starting to move already and not slowly. He was quickly developing a fast rhythm and Castiel moaned in appreciation. Honestly, he would've just comed from the burn and pounding itself, but Castiel didn't want to give Dean that satisfaction. He held himself up with one elbow on the armrest and started stroking his dick with his other hand. Dean was giving it to him roughly and he tried to follow his pace with his hand, all the while gasping and moaning "Yes, oh yes. Ah, yes." It seemed to be the only word he remembered in that moment. When he finally painted the couch with his cum, Dean wasn't so far behind, coming deep inside him with a broken _'Cas'_ on his lips. And Castiel loved everything about. The filth, the sweat, the raw nakedness they shared, Dean's calloused fingers holding his hips tight. And then Dean was pulling out and stepping off the sofa. They both were still gasping for air, but Dean was already pulling up his pants. Castiel sighed and stood up, looking for something to clean the mess with. Dean wiped his cock with a wet wipe and handed the box to Castiel as well.   
"Do you need something else?" Dean asked, hands in his pockets and looking worn out.   
Castiel shook his head and dismissed his worker.

 

 

"We had sex. Twice," Castiel said as soon as his Doctor answered the call.  
"Hello to you too, Mr Novak," she reprimanded her patient with a lift of an eyebrow.   
Castiel sighed and tried not to roll his eyes. "Hello, Doctor Barnes."  
"Now who are we speaking of?"  
"Dean. I had sex with Dean."  
Her eyes widened as she looked at him with an impressed expression. "And how did you end up in that kind of situation?"  
Castiel bit his lower lip. "I, uh, insinuated him into fellatio."  
His Doctor made a thinking sound, silent for a moment. "When did you decide you wanted such outcome?"  
"I don't know. I wasn't going to act on it."  
"Act on what?"  
Castiel shrugged, feeling uncomfortable at being so open. "I found Dean's... appearance pleasing and at dinner together we ended up speaking about sex... I told him how I don't look for a bed partner at a bar, at least not anymore. And when we had a disagreement, I found that I liked Dean when he was angry and then... I let him fuck my mouth." Castiel didn't look at the screen again, cheeks red from embarrassment.   
Doctor Barnes didn't speak for a while again, understandably trying to find the right words. "And how did Dean react? Was it okay with him on his side too?"  
"I think so. I mean, he was very enthusiastic about it. All three times."  
"Three? I thought you said two."  
"Yes, we shared intercourse twice."  
She nodded. "But you were the first to suggest it?"  
Thinking back, he found the answer. "Yes. But he agreed at all times."  
"Do you think maybe he feels... obligated to reciprocate?"  
Castiel thought about it for a while. "I don't think so. Nothing has changed in our work relationship. I feared he might ask for a raise or some kind of favor, but he didn't. I think he respects his work enough to leave his personal relations out of it."  
"And you feel like you may form some kind of personal relationship with him?"  
"I don't know. I thought if I fucked him, my desire to do so will go away."  
"And have you... done that?"  
Castiel bit his lip and frowned. "No. I was actually enjoying being a bottom for the first time, which I thought was weird."  
"Are you feeling comfortable to continue that kind of... intimacy?"  
"It's not like we're getting married. We only had sex twice and I doubt it will happen again."  
"Well... My advice is to take it slow. Talk to him, what he prefers in bed and if he likes to continue it. It might get complicated if either one of you starts getting emotions involved and I'm afraid you are not yet ready for a healthy relationship. You still don't know him that well, so you need to understand where Dean himself is going with this. If it is more pleasant for you, I'd suggest to be bed buddies with him. And also try to separate the bed activities from the work, because as long as they are separated, there will be no problems."  
Castiel nodded and thought. "So you are saying I should continue this?"  
"Only if Dean wants it. And don't go on him too strong, let him have the opportunity to say no."  
"Is this another one of your experiments?"  
She laughed and shook her head. "No, it is a mental exercise, to have something stable and unaffected in your life. If it happens that you will have feelings for Dean, it is totally normal, because they usually come from having sex. Also you said you were attracted to him before, but for now keep it casual, so you could learn more about the man and maybe some day you can trust yourself with him."

  
After the call, Castiel returned to his bunk bed in the middle section of the buss and thought about his Doctor's words. It was weird that his psychiatric found it normal to have a sex friend, but abnormal to have a serious relationship? Of course Castiel didn't trust himself to let go enough to actually have a normal relationship, so maybe his Doctor was right to let him try this before going back to dating. Not that he had been dating before. In the past, he would just find a suitable and attractive enough male or female and fuck them. Sometimes twice or trice, but it never worked out anyway, so he didn't worry about a steady girlfriend or boyfriend that much. Even now, he didn't know what the big fuss was about, because he tried it once and it ended up in flames. To trust somebody who was close to him scared Castiel, so if just having casual sex with Dean helped him in any way to maybe make a friend that wasn't related to him, he wanted to take that chance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved writing this one. I love the relationship between Castiel and Gabriel so much.  
> I hope you like the Castiel's chapters, because I plan to write them until the part where Dean's chapters ended, they won't take that long to get there though.   
> And I hope you are patient with me and aren't too stressed out because I keep pushing Castiel's backstory around so much, without actually writing it out. But it is coming, don't worry!
> 
> On my writing part, I hope I will write more often, because I know how frustrating it is to wait for another chapter myself. I can't promise something major unfortunately and if I get stuck, I'll probably write something shorter to get back on track, so if you're interested you can keep an eye on the other things I post.  
> But right now, thank you for reading!


	16. I'm fine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel's POV
> 
> WARNING:  
> *Low self-worth  
> *Mentions of emotional abuse  
> *Throwing up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everybody!   
> No, I haven't forgotten about this story, I just have been busy with... well, doing nothing. 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter and thank you for reading!  
> PS, I haven't proof-read it yet.

Everything was going better. He and Dean became friends and they had a sleepover, where they watched a very heartfelt movie. Castiel didn’t quite understand it, because never in a million years would Castiel believe, that one lousy serum would make a human taller and stronger. It seemed a bit over the top, but the story itself was sad. There was a hero who lost his best friend who was like a brother to him or maybe even something more, and a woman who could’ve possibly ended up marrying him. Castiel couldn’t stop himself and started to shed tears. He was surprised, that it could affect him that much, but then again he remembered watching The Lion King. It was really the worst day of his life. Okay, maybe one of the worst. He had never cried more than that night.

He was concerned about crying in front of Dean, but his reaction was something he didn’t expect from the other man. He held him between his arms, his heart beating against Castiel’s wet cheek. He smelt nice, like leather and something spicy. But being too open and close to somebody made Castiel feel uncomfortable and he untangled himself from Dean, no matter how much he wanted to try if those lips of his were as soft as they seemed.

But of course, everything had to go downhill from there.

He woke up with a warm body between his arms. Castiel didn’t even remember when he had fallen asleep, but he guessed it must’ve been somewhere in the middle of the mechanic man movie. He could feel a cold wetness on his forearm, right below Dean’s head and he didn’t even have to look to know that Dean had dribbled on him in his sleep again. It was incredible how much saliva the man could produce while sleeping and waking up to questionable wet spots on his skin wasn’t very comfortable for Castiel, but he had had managed it. He sighed and closed his eyes again and the smell of Dean’s hair filled his nostrils. He really should be scared about how comfortable they looked in this little bed together. They seemed like… a couple. Cas screwed his eyes shut and pushed those thoughts away. They were just friends and looking for comfort and warmth while sleeping was a very common human thing to do. It was basic instinct to find contact. He opened his eyes suddenly. Cas? The nickname Dean had given him. Why was he letting his employee call him that way? And in a more serious matter, why was Castiel adopting it? He groaned quietly, disentangled himself from Dean and sat up on the bed. He rubbed his sleepy eyes, cursing his early morning headache which was caused by too much inner monolog and not enough caffeine in his system. Better yet, zero caffeine in his system.

Turning his eyes on his bedside table while wiping Dean’s drool into the covers, he grabbed his phone and looked at the digits that told him it was still too early to be awake. Settling on the feeling that he couldn’t sleep any more even if he wanted to, he opened his email. He scrolled past the spam and pointless notifications until he saw Chuck’s letter. Oh, good, he had found a band for them to warm up. He opened the electronic letter and let his eyes scan the rows of words, feeling the dread washing over his body, going from grumpily sleepy to internally having a panic attack in less than a minute.

 

_“Good morning, everybody,_

_So I called some managers and got you guys a show with The Lucifer’s Children. Now, Crowley (the manager) was very pleased to hear such a great growing band warming his favorites up, but he warned not to go overboard and leave something for the “main show”, but I’d say, go nuts and give the people the show they deserve and don’t hold back. I’ll contact you with further information, but as of now the show takes place in January._

_Your manager,_

_Chuck.”_

He stood stock-still. For the minutes that passed by, he could’ve called himself a statue. He frantically read the letter over and over again, but the name never changed. _No. No. No no no no no no… NO!_ He was hyperventilating, he knew that, but he couldn’t help it. He stood up and paced the room nervously. _No! This can’t be happening!_ He felt like he wanted to cry. He wanted to cry and melt into a puddle and not be alive anymore. He can’t do this! Not them! Not _Lucifer_! He shivered by even thinking about the name. But _he_ wasn’t the worst that he would be seeing. No…

He pulled his hair and thought about anything other than this bag of shit. _Shit! Fuck! No!_ It was a perfect occasion to swear and he wasn’t holding back. Dean stirred in his sleep and seemed to search for something when he rolled over to his other side on the bed. Castiel wasn’t sure, but maybe he had spoken out loud and was now disturbing Dean’s sleep. Ugh, fuck him, he was having a mental crisis over here for Chuck’s sake! Even their inside joke twisted Castiel’s stomach. He got to get away from here and _now_!

He quickly changed into his running clothes and ran down the stairs to the lobby and didn’t stop until he was somewhere on the outskirts of town. He leaned on a building with his hand and felt his stomach repulse. He screwed his eyes shut and puked his guts out. It was horrific, his body hurt, his head ached and now the pressure under his tongue was nauseating. He coughed and spat out the bad taste. Only then he realized he was crying. There were tear streaks shooting down his cheeks and he couldn’t stop. His whole body shook with it and he fell down on his bottom, back against the rough concrete wall. Fuck!

 

A Few moments passed and he felt himself calm down a little. It was still okay, he could talk to Chuck and cancel the deal. Yes. He would do that. Castiel lifted his head and looked around, seeing that he was in the middle of nowhere. He coughed some more and wiped his mouth. Turning his eyes to his hand, his heart gave a painful thump. His skin was dirty with spit and blood. Great. He probably pushed himself too much and therefore had a nosebleed. It only happened on his worst days and this one wasn’t painting itself to be great. He stood up and had to limp back on the road, because above all else, he also had sprained his left leg’s muscles. He tried to clean himself with his windbreaker’s sleeve, turning it red and dirty, but there weren’t any mirrors around, so he understood why people kept giving him strange looks when he asked them directions back to his hotel.

Finally, when he made it to the familiar lobby, he saw Gabriel pacing a hole into the carpet covered floor. When his brother seemed to take notice of him, he turned towards him and rushed to hug him.

“Christ, Cassie! I saw the letter and you didn’t answer your door, I thought you did something to yourself, oh thank Chuck you’re okay! Where did you run to?!” the words barged out of his mouth with such speed that Castiel didn’t understand half of them.

“I’m fine,” he said with a crackling voice. It was nice to be in his brother’s arms, but the constant worry his little brother had, bothered him because he should be an example to him.

Gabriel leaned back and looked him over. “Oh, Cassie…” he said quietly and rubbed his nose clean. There was a worry in his golden eyes. “We just had breakfast, do you want to eat something?”

“No.”

“Okay, go ahead and take a shower then. And maybe see where your assistant is, he wasn’t at the café.”

Castiel nodded and limped into the lift, not turning and looking back at the sympathy in Gabriel’s face and tone.

He took a long shower and dressed himself comfortably. When he came out, Dean still hadn’t woken up. What was the man doing? Did he forget that today was a work day? He sighed again and went over to his assistant’s room to pack his stuff. Coming back to his room he fetched some jeans out of his duffle bag and put them on the end of the bed. And then he sat down in an armchair. He wasn’t thinking, his mind was blank. And he couldn’t concentrate on any particular surface, because his eyes didn’t focus.

A few minutes passed and he finally looked at the clock. It was about the time for them to leave and Dean was still sleeping. How irresponsible of him. Be friendly with a person and lower your defenses and this was what you were getting back! He was at least confident that now his walls were securely back up again and he wouldn’t be able to show Dean his fragile self. If his employee saw the weak man he actually was, he would turn it against Castiel and use him. It was a little sad. Castiel was beginning to actually like the idea of having a friend and Dean wasn’t that bad. But it was probably for the best. One person less to be worried about him. But it was way easier to hate him, because if he wouldn’t, he would like him. Maybe even too much.

He stood up and threw the jeans in Dean’s face.

The man jumped. “What the-?”

“Get up, Dean. You’ve been snoozing far too long,” Castiel said, maybe a bit too harshly.

“What, what time is it?”

“It’s ten and I already had my run and breakfast. You have to buy something for yourself for the road, if you don’t want to skip your morning meal,” he answered while packing his bag, really trying to calm his mind.

“What? Why didn’t you wake me?” And that question was like adding fuel to the already burning fire.

Castiel abruptly turned around and faced Dean with angry eyes. It wasn’t his responsibility to keep up with his assistant. The assistant had to keep up with him! “It’s not my job to be your personal alarm clock. I, in fact, am not your personal anything, I am your boss and _I_  hired  _you_  to keep  _me_  on the schedule.”

Thinking this was all it took for Dean to understand that his job done was important to Castiel and the crew, he turned back to stuffing his bag with clothes from yesterday. He put some fruit in it too for the road. But then Dean spoke quietly under his breath “What crawled up your butt?”

If the circumstances were different, Castiel would’ve maybe answered something witty, like “your dick”, but this right now was far from funny. How dare he say that to his Boss?

Pointing a finger at his worker, he lowered his voice to dangerous levels. “Do not talk to me like that or else you’ll be fucking fired! Understand me?” If glares could kill, Dean would be naked bones by now. But at least, he seemed to get some sense into him.

“Yes, Sir. I understand,” and finally, he started moving.

“I already packed your bag, it’s over there,” he pointed at his ancient looking duffle bag, “You should thank me for making your job easier.”

Thinking back at his lashing out, maybe he wasn’t being fair. Clearly he was giving his anger to someone else, but his therapist had once said that that’s wrong. He sighed quietly. He didn’t know what to do right anymore. With defeated shoulders he shuffled towards the bus.

 

 

Ten days passed and his situation with Dean hadn’t worked out. They didn’t speak when they didn’t need to and Castiel found himself thinking that maybe it wasn’t worth to try harder. Keeping that in mind, he made a decision. When they arrived at Thunder Bay, he separated Dean from the others because he wanted to speak to him privately. Before they went for a hike, Castiel printed out a dismissal form for Dean, so he could sign it when they got back.

But sitting on the edge of a cliff with Dean, he stopped the words coming out of his mouth. He was certain that they would appear at any moment and he only was encouraging himself as he watched Dean. It wasn’t Dean’s fault, he’d done nothing wrong. But Castiel couldn’t bare the thought of Dean or anyone else suffering because Castiel was bad at keeping himself together. It was the right thing to do, to let Dean go. He didn’t want to admit it, but somewhere deep inside, Castiel knew he wanted to keep Dean away from all of his bullshit. It was hard enough to keep all that weight on his shoulders, but to have someone else carrying it and suffering with you? Castiel didn’t want that. Also, Castiel knew that he was being a dick to Dean. But it was his self-defense mechanism. If someone got too close, he would always try and separate himself from the situation. He was too broken to have somebody close to him. He was like the plague, concerning the people around him and hurting them in the process. Because how could he like someone else, if he barely even liked himself? He was worthless, a bag of nothing. Even if Dean would pretend for a while to be interested in him, Castiel’s problems and his boring lifestyle would push Dean away. Like it always did with anyone he knew.

“Do you need something, Mr. Novak?”

Castiel came back from his self-harming thoughts and saw that he was still looking at Dean. He averted his eyes and looked at his hands on his lap. This was it. Time to break it off with Dean. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

He could see Dean turning his eyes on him in his peripheral vision. “Why?”

Cas glanced up and took in the view once again. “For acting like the way I’ve been acting.” His eyes fluttered for a second. That was not what he was planning to say. Why did he apologize for himself? Maybe it was good to part on a positive note.

“Uh huh.”

“It’s just. I initiated a friendship and before that the… benefit thing. And you’re right, I made the first move. So it’s wrong of me to throw it all back in your face.” Wow, he couldn’t shut up. And was that what he was doing? Projecting his problems onto Dean? He sounded like his therapist.

“Why did you then?”

He sighed. Was he really going to tell him? “I think it’s best if I don’t go into detail. There are things that you don’t know and what should stay buried. But it seems like my past is finally catching up with me again.” He laughed at that. It was ironic.

“You… Didn’t kill anybody, did you?”

_Almost_ , Castiel thought. Because he was a fool, his little brother almost had died. The guilt was still suffocating him, even if Gabriel repeated continuously that it wasn’t Castiel’s fault. That he didn’t know any better. “No,” he finally answered, “But someone got hurt because of me, because I was so naïve and didn’t realize that I was ‘hanging out’ with a wrong crowd.” He thinned his lips and looked at Dean. “So now I don’t trust people easily. I don’t even have any friends. I’m sorry about all the personal information that was required from you, but I couldn’t hire someone who was going to use me.” It was weird, but he felt lighter. Even if he hated to admit it, it felt good to get some things off his chest.

“Hey, I get it, man. Sure you couldn’t just pick someone off the street and offer them money… But, uh. Can you promise me something?”

“Of course, Dean,” he said, not even having to think about it.

“Enough of this crap okay?” Dean said a little harshly and Castiel went serious. That hurt. He was sure Dean was going to dismiss him himself. “I mean, you said you wanted us to be friends, right? If that’s so, you can’t just act like I don’t exist whenever you want to. You threatened my job and yes, maybe I didn’t remember to put on my alarm, but you can’t throw your frustration onto me. I mean, if it’s sexual then sure, I’m on board. Have your way with me. But please, don’t treat me like crap. Even if you’re my boss, it doesn’t mean we can’t be friendly with each other. I’m here and hopefully am not going anywhere. I can listen, if you want to be heard. You don’t have to talk about things you don’t want to. We can always start off slowly. You said you don’t trust easy, fine. But at least try and earn my trust first. If you keep this up, I’m sorry, I can’t communicate with you if you won’t tell me what I did wrong.”

He was right. He was totally right. He had treated him like shit, hadn’t he? And he felt bad now, that when things weren’t going his way, he was ready to fire Dean. But truth was, he didn’t want to see him go. Something about this man lured him towards him, he just needed to find out what. He felt like a butterfly, ready to fly into the flame. “You’re absolutely right, Dean. I, my. My people skills are rusty.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah, I got that. I think you take too many things into heart… Have you ever heard of sarcasm?”

Cas rolled his eyes and looked at him menacingly. He was not letting him make fun of him. “Yes. But that doesn’t mean I build my whole speaking manner around it.”

Dean squinted his eyes. “Did you just insultingly make fun of me without actually doing so?”

“…Maybe.”

Then Dean let out the most marvelous laugh Castiel had seen on a person and clapped a hand on his back. Castiel spooked momentarily at the contact but then found the hand comforting. “You’re alright, Cas.”

 

 

A month ago, Castiel would have never thought that Dean and he would become friends. But it had happened, in the next few days they spent together. He was coming more and more dependent on Dean and he wasn’t sure if it was good. They had their ups and downs, but they got over them together. His therapist was right, having a friend who wasn’t related was elating. He didn’t even know that a single person could care so much. And Dean did care, he could see it in the way he gave Castiel time to ease into their friendship, In the way he remembered to get him coffee every morning, the way he constantly asked him if he needed anything, but then again that came with the job. But the best part about Dean was when they were in bed together. Castiel couldn’t describe it, but they were compatible in bed. Dean hit every one of his sweet spots and it seemed Cas did the same. It made him confident enough to open up more, but every time he did it was like one step forward and two steps back.

But the constant reminder of the past was hanging heavy over his head. Even Chuck couldn’t do anything, no matter how much he begged to cancel the show. Or find another one. All this fussing about it made him even have the nightmares again.

 

_Beep._

_“He has a head trauma and a few fractured ribs. When he wakes up we can tell for sure how severe his damage is.”_

_Beep._

_“Well, is he going to wake up soon?”_

_Beep._

_“We are not sure. It is up to him at this point.”_

_Beep._

_“What do you mean? You are the doctor, you should know! When is he going to wake up?!”_

_Beep. Beep._

_“Please calm down, Sir.”_

_Beep. Beep._

_“Michael! Do something!”_

_Beep. Beep._

_“Michael! Say something for Christ sakes!”_

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

_“Sir, I suggest you to calm down.”_

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

_“Wait, what’s happening? Why does it do that sound?”_

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

_“Nurse!”_

_“Hey, wake up,”_ a soft voice spoke. Was he dreaming? Wait, where’s Gabriel? There was something in his hair, moving. He opened his eyes slowly and blinked, looking into the endless green. What was he dreaming about again? It all seemed like background noise now. Slowly reality was slipping back into him and he saw Dean’s face in front of him. It was awfully close. Was he holding onto the man? He shifted away from him, rubbing his sleepy eyes. Blinking his eyes and looking around the room, until he found painkillers on the nightstand. That was the moment when the headache kicked in. What happened last night? Did he drink? He downed the pills and the water. Oh yeah, he had a dinner with Chuck. He stood up and walked into the bathroom, hopefully not going to throw up. _Eugh_ , there was a horrible taste in his mouth like someone had died in there. While brushing his teeth, he tried to remember what had happened after the dinner, but nothing came to him _. I guess, I drank too much then_. Spitting out he washed his mouth. He looked at himself in the mirror. He had a crazy case of bead head and he was wearing only his boxers. Why was he only wearing his boxers? He pulled at the waistband and looked inside. Everything looked normal, but did he have sex with Dean last night? He probably did, considering the fact that he was kind of a horny drunk. Even if they didn’t do it the last time he was drunk, didn’t mean they hadn’t done it now. Castiel shook his head and sighed. All this thinking was making his head hurt more.

He opened the bathroom door and saw Dean eating around the table. He joined him, grateful to have something greasy for breakfast.

“So… Are you going to tell me what yesterday was all about?”

Castiel stopped eating for a second, trying to remember anything but then continued. “Can you elaborate?”

“You went out to discuss business with Chuck and came back completely drunk, so I gather something went wrong.”

“I’m sure I wasn’t that bad.”

“You called yourself a delicate flower.”

Castiel blushed at that. Surely Dean was keeping the worst things out. “Well, I hope at least the sex was good.”

“We didn’t have sex, Cas.”

He bit his lip. He was stupid. How could he think that Dean would take such advantage of him? He knew Dean. “What happened then?”

Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Nothing happened between us. But apparently something happened to you because you’ve been acting strangely. I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

Yes, he knew that his brothers had noticed and they bugged him about it enough already. But why should Dean care? He wasn’t his family.

Dean put a hand on top of Castiel’s. “Because I’m your friend… and I’m worried.”

Castiel looked at Dean with surprise. Did he say his thoughts out loud? And getting an affirmative that they were in fact friends, was a good thing to hear at the moment. But he wasn’t ready to speak about his past right now. It was too early in the morning and he didn’t want to sour his mood more than it already had. He averted his eyes, not being able to look at the greens long because they were really distracting. “I… can’t… right now… I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m not ready.”

Dean’s thumb caressed his hand. While the movement was comforting, Castiel didn’t know if he wanted to be that close or not. “It’s okay, Cas. You don’t have to tell me everything. I just want to help you get some things off your chest, okay?”

He nodded. “It’s… a long story. We don’t have time for that right now.” They didn’t have time, that part was true. But Castiel was also stalling. Nobody knew the whole story besides his brothers and his therapist. He never told about it to anybody else. No one even knew about it. But he was ready to trust Dean. He was tired of hiding, of keeping secrets from Dean. He wanted to be close friends with him and he couldn’t be that before he didn’t push his past away first. Over the few weeks, he knew he could trust Dean. He was the most loyal employee he could have hoped for and he truly cared about people deeply. Having Dean’s friendship was the only thing that kept him together right now and if he was selfish, he couldn’t really blame himself. Dean himself was so ready to be there for him, so he was ready to use that opportunity.

Dean patted his hand for the last time and then retracted his fingers. “Whenever you’re ready. I’m here for you.”

 

 

Back on the bus, he was laying down on the couch in the back. He was nervous. Where was he going to start? What details should he keep out from the story? Maybe he should write something down. A door opened and closed somewhere in the distance. After a second, Castiel opened his eyes and saw that Dean had come in the room. When did he close his eyes? He guessed he was still a bit hungover.

“Do you want anything? Water, coffee, tea?”

Castiel shook his head. How long had he been lounging here?

“Well, call me if you need me,” Dean smiled and turned around.

Why was he still waiting? Sooner he will tell his story, the sooner they could move past it. “Dean,” he called out.

The man turned again and looked at him. “Yeah?”

Castiel sat up and threaded fingers through his hair. “I’m ready now.”

Dean stood there for a long minute. Castiel had caught him off guard. “Oh. Okay, um.” He shuffled around a bit and finally sat down next to him. “You sure you don’t want anything to drink?”

Castiel shook his head. “No, I don’t want anything I just…”

Dean nodded and stayed silent, letting him collect his thoughts.

“You have to understand that nobody outside my family knows this what I’m about to tell you, so if you say anything about this to the press…”

“Castiel,” Dean took his hand and held it between his for a moment, “Of course I won’t betray you like that. Honestly, you don’t even need to tell me anything, you are not obligated. I’m just worried about you.”

“It’s okay. I want to tell you,” Castiel lifted his gaze and looked straight into Dean's eyes, “I trust you.”

Dean’s eyes got bigger for a second and his pupils dilated. He reassuringly hardened his hold on Cas’ hand. His palms were soft and warm and Castiel found that he didn’t mind being held by those hands.

The bus came to a sudden stop. Dean let out and _‘umph’_ sound when Castiel crashed into him. Processing what had happened, Castiel sat up again and held out a hand for Dean.

“Sorry,” he said as he helped the man up.

“Not your fault,” Dean eyed the door, the bus wasn’t moving anymore, “I’m gonna go see what’s up there.” He stood up and was about to exit the room when he saw, at the same time as did Cas, that their hands were still linked. Castiel took his hand away and stood up as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know, still no Castiel story! It will happen in the next chapter that will be up next week. (If not, feel free to leave hate mail)
> 
> I don't know if you understood any of that, I don't even understand half of it because I like to make my life more difficult. I have problems with concentrating at the moment, so I'm not sure if this chapter was actually enjoyable or not. But thanks for reading anyway, it means a lot to me!


	17. The story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Various POVs
> 
> WARNING:  
> *Low self-worth  
> *Mentions of emotional abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something came up and I had to post this a few days later, so I hope you're not that disappointed c:
> 
> Anyways this is it! 
> 
> Also, I haven't proof-read it. Some parts may be confusing.

 

°◦●Ͼ●◦°

They made their way towards the entrance of the bus. Everybody already stood outside and the bus driver peered under the vehicle's steaming hood to understand what was the problem.

“What happened?” Dean asked.

Gabriel looked at him with dramatically big eyes. “We are doomed! We are in the middle of nowhere and there’s no hope!” He waved his arms around, dropping his acting after he got bored. He searched out his phone and dialed a number. Castiel was about to hope that he was calling for help, but his brother went back into the bus while speaking “Sammy, you have no idea what just happened!”

Castiel sighed and watched Dean eyeing Gabriel as he disappeared from view. Then he turned his gaze on the problem and joined the bus driver in front of the bus. Cas turned questioning eyes on Michael who shrugged in answer. Dean was speaking in a language that was foreign for Castiel, saying something about engine problems and overheating. He sent the driver on the search for a tool box. Castiel walked to Dean and looked at the damage himself.

“What are you doing?” he asked Dean, curious.

The Winchester smiled triumphantly. “You are lucky that I worked as a mechanic before I came here.”

“Oh, right,” Castiel eyed him, “But I thought you only worked on cars. You know how to fix it?”

Dean nodded. “It’s the same basics. She needs some mending and then I’ll patch her up. There’s a malfunction in the…”

Castiel held up his hand and smiled. “You can stop right there. I won’t understand anything, but I’m grateful, so thank you, Dean.”

“Do you need any help?” Michael asked, suddenly closer than he had been before.

Dean shook his head. “Nah, Turner and I can handle it.”

Michael nodded and waved for Castiel. “Come on, let’s get inside. It’s chilly outside.”

He looked at his brother and his assistant for a moment and then walked on the bus with Mike. When Turner, the bus driver, went outside again, he and Michael took seats on the couches. Michael observed him for a minute before picking up a book. Castiel took out his phone and started up his favorite gaming app.

“You and Dean seem on better terms,” Michael spoke after a while, eyes on paper.

Castiel looked up, baffled by the sudden speaking. “Yeah, I, uh, I think we are, yes.”

Mike gazed up and lifted his eyebrow. “You like him, don’t you?”

He was quiet for a while, thinking of where this conversation was going. “I would’ve fired him if I didn’t.”

His big brother hummed quietly and returned his eyes to his book. “It’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Yo! Did anybody call the towing service?” Gabriel asked when he came downstairs, oblivious to the growing tension in the room.

“Dean is fixing it already. He worked as a mechanic before,” Castiel supplied and returned to his phone. What was Michael implying? That he liked Dean more than he should? That was one of the reasons he didn’t want others to know that they were friends with benefits. People would have their assumptions and think that they were playing with fire. Castiel wasn’t stupid, he knew that most these kind of relationships ended up with one of the participants having feelings and the other breaking their heart when they didn’t return the affection. But this wasn’t like that at all. Dean and he just enjoyed each other’s company and had become close friends thanks to that. Castiel didn’t have any feelings for Dean, he didn’t. But he did feel proud because his employee was a knight in shining armor tonight.

Gabriel jumped on the sofa next to Cas and sucked too loudly on his candy. “That’s lucky. Damn, we are lucky! I was about to complain to Sammy boy, but he was at work,” he made a pouty face at that.

“How is Sam, anyway?” Castiel asked while trying not listen to the sounds of saliva.

“Misses me, of course. Man, he makes me so horny sometimes.”

“Ew! Gabriel!” Cas’ face morphed into a grimace and he pushed his brother away from him, earning a push back.

“What? I can’t talk about sex in front of the virgin Cassie?”

“I don’t need to know about your escapades!”

They were talking with hands now.

“Settle down, children!” Michael spoke with an authoritative voice.

“Hey, you’re only a few years older than us!” Gabriel spoke back.

Turner came back on the bus to try and get it to work. Castiel rolled his eyes. “Whatever, I’m going to make coffee.” He stood up and started doing just that. He was kind of relieved that the bus had stopped, but also dreaded the topic coming up again. He was uncommonly calm, even if his morning had started badly. He guessed that was a good thing.

When the coffee was ready, so was Dean. The bus’ engine came to life again and Gabriel whooped with glee. Castiel handed him a cup with the hot liquid.

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean said and sipped his drink.

Castiel stilled for a moment and looked behind Dean, but hopefully, his brothers hadn’t heard the nickname. If Michael looked at them weird already, he was not ready to talk about why Dean had a pet name for him. He turned and walked back to his favorite room. Dean followed him. He sat down, put his cup on a flat surface and picked up his acoustic guitar from the corner.

“Have you ever made a song before?” he asked Dean.

Dean shrugged. “No, but I know how to play my favorites.”

Castiel looked at him with surprise on his face. “You know how to play guitar?”

Dean nodded and sipped from his mug. “My uncle Bobby had a collection and he let me practice with various different instruments.”

“Maybe you can help me then. We are recording some of the new stuff on the break.”

“Can I?” Dean put away his drink and held his hands out. Castiel handed him the instrument.

Soft notes started to fill the little room and Castiel looked on enthralled by how Dean sang his favorite Led Zeppelin song. He had a really good voice. "Leaves are falling all around, it's time I was on my way..."

 

°◦●Ḍ●◦°

 

Dean sang until he felt Cas coming closer. He opened his eyes and saw lust in his gaze. His Boss’ hands roamed up from his knees until they reached the guitar, pushing it away they continued their trail towards Dean’s jeans zipper. He held the instrument away from himself, but he couldn’t put it anywhere where it wouldn’t get damaged.

“What? Uh, what are you doing?” He asked as Castiel was opening his pants.

The man looked up at him through his eyelashes. “I want to suck you off.”

Dean’s face blushed crimson. “Wha-? Um, are you sure? Your brothers could hear.” It was amazing and a little frightening how his Boss’ sex mode seemed to just flick on like a light switch. He was thinking that maybe they would continue where they were cut off before the bus had stopped, but what was happening now was a turn in the opposite direction.

Castiel descended to his knees in between Dean’s legs and nuzzled his nose against his crotch through his boxers. “You’ll have to be quiet then.”

He took him out, cock still soft. But looking down at the attractive man, kneeling before him with baby blue eyes, it didn’t take him any time to get hard with a few tentative strokes. He hummed and spread his legs more, leaning into the sofa. Castiel first teased his head with little licks from the tip of his tongue. Settling on sitting on his knees, Cas sighed happily. “You taste good,” he said in a husky voice. Dean was enjoying this Cas too much. Even if he was the one on his knees, he still seemed kind of dominating like other times. Dean felt treasured, like he was in the spotlight. Like he was Castiel’s and the man could do anything what he wanted with and to him. Which was exilarating and exciting. It felt so much better than the encounters he had had with other men. Even the women he had dated were more dominant than the guys he had the fortune to have picked up. But his right here was the best of them all. He guessed it was because it was all new to him. To have a more dominant bed partner for a long period of time and not having the strings attached. It was even better than he had dreamed and he had fantasized about Cas a lot, even before they had met.

Suddenly Castiel swallowed him all and Dean gasped with jerking legs. Only in the last second he covered his mouth and hoped the people outside the door hadn’t heard that. The guitar in his left hand was waving in the air and bumped against Cas’ side. The man’s eyes gazed his with a warning and then he continued to suck enthusiastically, making Dean almost moan out loud again. He had to bite his hand to keep quiet. Was his Boss challenging him? A hand massaged his balls and his toes curled from the friction. Oh how he wanted to make noise, but it was dangerous to do that.

“I-I ca-ah-an’t, Cas. They’ll hear me,” he whispered harshly.

Cas pulled off with a pop, stroking his dick with his hand. “You are doing so great, baby,” and with that, he resumed pleasuring him with his lips and tongue.

Dean whimpered at the pet name, but would never admit it to anyone. His hand was sweating around the guitar’s neck, so he gripped it more tightly, crushing the strings. He bit his tongue and put his right hand in Castiel’s hair, pulling his locks gently. Cas roughly held him down by his hips because he was moving around too much. And then he hummed around his cock and Dean was lost. He fisted his hand in the raven hair, biting his bottom lip so much that he drew blood.

 

°◦●Ͼ●◦°

 

Castiel couldn’t hold it in anymore and moaned. It was just marvelous to hear the sounds Dean was so desperately trying to muffle. He enjoyed watching him squirm and pant and when he finally made a sound, Dean was coming deep down his throat. Castiel made a pained sound around the huge cock, because Dean was pulling on his hair too hard. But it seemed that the other man couldn’t help it because his body was totally tense. After he was drained, he seemed to just turn into jelly. Castiel chuckled as he freed Dean’s cock. The man had the most blissed out face, head lolling to the back rest. Moving quickly, Cas managed to catch the guitar from his hand before it tumbled onto the floor. He stood up and put the instrument in the hold while rubbing his member through his jeans. He turned towards his employee again and took out his own dick. It hung heavy and hard in his hand. He sighed and leaning down, he brushed some hair away from Dean’s sweaty forehead.

“Dean?” The man took a long moment until his one eye barely opened into a slit. “Can I come on your face?” He just snorted at the question and didn’t move, so Cas slipped his hand behind his neck, pulling him away from the backrest. “Come on,” he guided, pointing his cock’s head towards Dean’s face. The man looked at him with a fucked out face, eyes hooded. Did he break Dean? He fisted the hair on his nape, happy that Dean hadn’t cut them in a while, and held his face upwards. Quietly grunting, he stroked his member quickly because he knew he wasn’t far. Dean opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, still totally limp. Cas placed the tip on Dean’s tongue, finding pleasure in the wet and warm caress it had on his cock. And then with another quiet grunt he was coming in Dean’s mouth, across his cheeks and lips and on his nose. Few streaks even flew up to his eyelashes, so Dean had to close his eyes. He pushed Castiel’s cock into his mouth and sucked gently to get the last drops out. Cas held onto Dean’s head with both of his hands and curled over him. When Dean leaned back, Castiel fell to the couch with his knees on either side of Dean. Still holding his head, he licked his face clean with a flat tongue. Dean held onto his bottocks while he did that. Happy with his work, he slumped on the spot next to Dean, legs on Dean’s and head on the armrest. He stuffed his penis back into his boxers but didn’t bother closing his jeans which were half way down his thighs. They both let their breathing calm down, Dean caressing his knee in the process. And then he was chuckling quietly until he was laughing out loud.

Castiel eyed him suspiciously and nudged him with his leg. “What?”

Dean turned fond eyes towards him and smiled. “You’re one hellova kinky son of a bitch.”

Castiel smiled smugly back, satisfied with his work.

 

°◦●Ḍ●◦°

 

After a while, Castiel sighed. “You know. When I was little, I never thought I would do something like this.”

“Do what?” Dean turned curious eyes towards his Boss.

Castiel shrugged and looked at a certain point on the wall. “Have a sex friend. I always dreamed a life like it was in the books, the fairytales. I think I was a little too obsessed with reading and it turned out to be the reason why my schoolmates picked on me and I never really made any friends. I wasn’t in reality like everybody else,” he sat up a little bit and put his pants back on, Dean did the same, “What I mean to say is that in school I was an outcast. Until I met Meg.”

Castiel swallowed and Dean sat up in alert. Was this the problem he wanted to talk about? Even if it wasn’t, Dean listened to him carefully.

“She told me that I was handsome and she asked me out. At the time, we were already forming a band with my brothers and a few of their friends. I was a little bit shocked, but it felt easy to talk to her. We went on a walk and had ice cream, she showed me some of her favorite places… At the end of the night, she told me that she really liked me and felt like she was falling for me. Of course, naïve little me thought she was serious.”

Dean watched his face, it was sad and something tugged at Dean’s heart strings.

“We went out a few times more but she never quite talked to me at school. That should’ve been my first clue but I thought the secret little kisses made up for it. I felt myself falling so quickly for her and that was the reason why I couldn’t see through the lies. I hoped so freely that she was going to be my own little fairytale. Once she introduced me to her friends and I didn’t care that they looked like drug addicts and failed school students. She got me into drinking. The same night, I fell asleep in the old skating range and the police took me home. When I asked the next day where she had gone, she said she didn’t even realize I was missing from their group and said she was sorry for not noticing. I believed her. After the incident, my brothers seemed to see that something was wrong and they tried to tell me that she was a bad influence on me. I didn’t listen to them and went to have a drink with Meg. I started smoking and the drinking became an everyday thing. Drugs were the stuff I drew my line at. I never took them, but Meg was constantly hitting up another hit or if not, she was under the influence of Marijuana. I thought she was cute when she slurred her speech and when she smiled.”

Who was this Meg? Dean would’ve hit her, even if he never hits girls.

“Anyway, I slowly fell into the deep dark pit where it seemed there was no way out. Every time my brothers said something bad about her, I defended her and told them she loved me. She even said we should wait until we ‘make love’ because we were both virgins. Or that was what she said. I think she just didn’t want to go _that_ far with me. Our dad wasn’t home that much, so the only ones who took care of me were my brothers and sister Anna. Anna always cleaned me up and put me to bed when I came home smashed. But somehow we still played music and after playing at a local pub, a manager came up to us and said that he wanted to make a deal. We were so excited.”

Dean furrowed his brows. He didn’t like where this story was going. Cas said he still went to school, but recording to the band biography, they got a record way after school.

“On the day when we had to go to the record label’s signing, we were all there waiting in the lobby for Gabriel. When I got a text from him to meet him in an alley way near the building I was mildly confused, but our guitarist, Luke, said that he would wait for me and Michael until we got Gabriel. But when we made it to the alley, Gabriel…” Castiel fisted his hands, “He was beaten and unconsious. We quickly called an ambulance, got into the hospital and tried to contact Luke, to say that we had to postpone the signing but he didn’t pick up. Neither did Meg. We were so worried. Michael kind of closed into himself, when Gabriel took time to wake up. After three days of trying to call Meg, she finally answered. I now wish she hadn’t. She said that she never loved me, said we got what we deserved. Said that I was nothing, I was a joke to her, pathethic,” Castiel swallowed again and it seemed he was holding back tears. Dean shuffled closer to him and took his hand between his. “I didn’t want to believe her at first, I still thought she loved me and that it had to be some kind of a sick joke… Michael first blamed me, even if he didn’t say it out loud, I could see it in his eyes. How he didn’t want to stay in the same room with me. I was the one who was stupid enough to get involved with the wrong crowd. My drinking and smoking got worse. I started sleeping around and I honestly don’t remember who got my virginity in the end. It stopped for a while when Gabriel finally woke up. But the pain and lonelyness were too much, so I deleted them with alcohol. It only got worse when, two months later, they announced a new rising rock band coming out with a CD. ‘Lucifer’s Children’”, Castiel spat with hatred, “Luke or Lucifer as the main lead vocalist. Meghan Masters, his high school love, next to him.” Castiel chewed his lip and closed his eyes. “I went into rehab and got myself a therapist and started making new music because Lucifer was using a lot of our old material. And when Chuck came along, we treated him like a god.” He laughed in the end and opened his eyes. Shrugging the topic off he sighed again, some kind of relieved. “So that’s that.”

Dean eyed him, unable to speak. How in the freaking fresh hell was Cas able to just shrug it off? “So Meghan…?”

“Yes.” Castiel nodded.

“Fuck,” Dean breathed.

“Yes,” Castiel repeated.

Dean looked at him with a new perspective. “How the hell should we warm up to those douche bags?”

Castiel seemed to smile at the word ‘we’. “We don’t have a choice. At least they are going to give us a great income.”

Dean tightened his hold on Castiel’s fingers. “You are going to have to share back stage with those snakes! Chuck should’ve known better!”

“It is not Chuck’s fault. He didn’t know and neither does anyone else, so this should never live this room.” Castiel looked sternly into the greens.

“Of course, I wouldn’t tell anyone. But shit…”

Castiel looked away and stayed silent.

Dean sighed. “You know, it’s not your fault either, right?”

Castiel bit his bottom lip but didn’t answer.

Dean wanted to do something to make his friend feel better but nothing came into his mind. He could never make it better, the past will always be a part of Cas’ life, the only thing he could do was assure him a bright future. But right now, changing the subject seemed reasonable enough. So he picked up the guitar and offered it to Cas. “I can help you make up some lyrics if you’d like.”

Castiel turned grateful eyes at him. They both were still ruffled from the conversation and they both could never forget what happened here today but changing the subject was the best option they had right now.

 

 

“Nice digits.”

Dean looked around as he walked into the lounge room, seeing that it was Gabriel speaking to him. “What?” he asked but then saw the number on his hand, “Oh, that.” Another girl had tried to chat him up today and insisted on giving him her number. Dean had tried to explain to her that she was not his type. Apparently she believed that she was everyone’s type. He saw Castiel looking at him curiously in the corner of his eye.

“So who’s the lucky boy… or girl? I don’t even… What are you exactly?” Gabriel seemed genuiely confused and annoyed.

Dean huffed and blushed a little at that. “Hi, my name is Dean and I am bisexual.”

“Hello, Dean,” Gabriel said with a monotone voice. Dean rolled his eyes at that.

“Anyways, I told the girl I already have someone but she didn’t listen,” he chanced a look at Cas who was lifting his eyebrow in question.

“Ooh, who’s your special someone?” Gabriel waggled his brows.

Dean shuffled around a little bit awkward, crimson in the face and picked up a water bottle from the table. “Oh, uh. It…um, S-Steve.”

“The guy who worked at the gas station?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“What’s so special about him then? I thought it was a one night thing,” Gabriel expanded his hands.

“Um, we still. Y’know. Text and stuff,” Dean said as he gave his Boss the water bottle and a paper bag containing a delicious bacon burger.

“Sad. I was gonna offer you somebody but that’s not needed as I see,” Gabe said as he returned to his phone.

“Offer who?” Dean turned around and considered the man.

“Doesn’t matter anymore.”

Dean rolled his eyes again and looked at Cas, who was staring at him. “You need something else?” he asked while smiling.

He shook his head and started eating his meal. Dean excused himself.

 

°◦●Ġ●◦°

 

 **Me to Samoose:** _Code 4: Mission is a no go!!!_

 **Samoose to me:** _What?_

 **Me to Samoose:** _Dean already has someone! :O_

 **Samoose to me:** _Again: what?_

 **Samoose to me:** _Who?_

 **Me to Samoose:** _Idk the guy who claimed him? Maybe developed a bond or smth! ;) :O_

 **Samoose to me:** _Oh wow. He hasn’t told me anything yet. Maybe he’s just protecting himself from your naughty games_

 **Me to Samoose:** _I’m only naughty with you big boy ;)_

 **Samoose to me:** _Ugh you know what I mean_

 **Me to Samoose:** _My big brother is gonna die alone :(_

 **Samoose to me:** _I’m sure he’ll find someone if he wants_

 **Me to Samoose:** _That someone better be verified by me then_

 **Samoose to me:** _You have the same level of protectiveness as Dean does_.

 **Me to Samoose:** _Always keep an eye on your brother. Specially when it comes to little Cassie_

 **Samoose to me:** _He’s older than you_

 **Me to Samoose:** _Yeah what evs_

 

°◦●Ͼ●◦°

 

 **Me to Dean W:** _You look cute when you’re blushing_

 **Dean W to Me:** _Shut up. There’s no need for wrong reassurance_

 **Me to Dean W:** _That way you’ll never know when I’m serious ;)_

 **Dean W to Me:** _I hate you_

 **Me to Dean W:** _That’s too bad. You’re still cute, though._

 **Dean W to Me:** _Did u want sth or r u just playin’?_

 **Me to Dean W:** _I did in fact. Could you bring me my blue bag from the bus? It’s small and in my bunk._

 **Dean W to Me:** _Okay. On it._

 

“What’re you smiling about?”

Castiel lifted his eyes and gazed at Gabriel, a little surprised. “Huh?”

“You were smiling down at your phone. Actually smiling. What’s up?” Gabriel asked from the far away couch.

“Nothing.”

Gabriel squinted his eyes and read him.

Castiel met his gaze straight on, not flailing. After a minute, Gabriel shrugged and went back to his phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the end, Dean and Cas were both trying to get used to the feeling of the raw honesty between them. They both remembered what had happened but tried to not make a big deal out of it.
> 
> I hope the back story that I threw around so much wasn't disappointing. But there are a lot more to come!


	18. The show must go on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:  
> *Low self-worth  
> *Mentions of emotional abuse  
> *Yelling

°◦●Ḍ●◦°

 

After returning from the bus, Dean entered his Boss’ dressing room with his little bag.

“Hey, I got you your stuff,” he said as he handed it over.

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said as he opened it.

Dean raised an eyebrow while his Boss examined the contents. “You have a makeup bag?” Dean had only seen Cas wear makeup on pictures or when he did an interview they put some powder on him but right now, Castiel took out a black eyeliner.

“Why do you say it like it would be a disgrace for a man to own a makeup bag?” Castiel said as he was putting on eyeliner.

Dean shifted awkwardly and shrugged, mumbling _‘I don’t know’_ under his breath. It wasn’t that weird to own a bag of beauty products. It was just that Dean had a thing for men with eyelined eyes.

“If you don’t need anything else, I’ll go get the stage ready.”

Castiel nodded and continued to paint his face.

 

 

 

“Dean?”

Dean stood up and faced Michael who looked kind of worried. “Yeah?”

“Have you seen Castiel anywhere?”

“Um. He was in his dressing room the last time I saw him. Why?”

“He’s not there anymore. Do you have any idea where he might’ve gone to? The people are already filling in and he won’t answer his phone.” He looked worriedly at his phone, so Dean straightened up.

“I could help you find him.” He already started walking towards the backstage hall.

“Thank you, that would be highly appreciated.”

They walked down the corridor, looking in every room.

“Does he do that often? Disappear like that?” Dean asked after the awkward silence had gotten too loud. Should he be worried about his friend? Because he couldn’t just disappear into thin air like that.

Michael was silent for a while. “Not usually,” He looked into another room again, “I’m just worried because he…” He eyed Dean for a second, then shook his head, “Doesn’t matter. We have to get to the stage on time.”

“Okay, okay. I understand. I’m sure he is here somewhere, he wouldn’t just leave.” He tried to look around the back door and then pushed it open to look outside.

Michael eyed him, even if Dean couldn’t see it. “You know awful a lot about him after a few months.”

Dean looked behind him and smiled. “Well yeah, that’s what usually happens when you spend time with someone.”

Michael gave him an awkward smile back and then abruptly stopped when he saw something in the distance. Dean turned around again and lifted his eyebrows. Several feet away, there was Castiel, dressed in all black and covered in eyeliner, blowing white smoke out of his mouth. Mike sped his walk and took the cigarette out of Cas’ fingers and smashed it to the ground with his boot.

“Why are you smoking again, brother?” Michael asked, clearly angry.

Castiel gave him an unamused look in return and crossed his arms. “What is it to you anyway?”

Dean stood by and watched as the two brothers had a conversation with their eyes, neither one of them backing down. He had to do something. “Okay, fellas. Why won’t you, Michael, get ready for the show, I’ll get Castiel in too, hm?”

Michael stepped back and eyed between Dean and Cas for a while until he huffed and walked off. Dean breathed relieved that there wasn’t going to be a fight. At least yet.

He looked at Cas who then took another cigarette from his pocket and lit it up. Dean stepped closer to him and smirked. “Not that I don’t like this side of you, Cas, but weren’t you too harsh on your brother right now? I’m sure he’s just looking out for you.”

Castiel turned his piercing blue eyes on him and started walking towards him with a dangerous look. Dean’s eyes expanded and he hurriedly stepped back until his back hit a brick wall. His Boss got awfully close to him, their bodies almost touching. Castiel glared into his eyes, almost like looking for something. Then he brought his cigarette between his lips and breathed in a deep inhale. His other hand came around Dean’s neck and pushed him into the wall more. Feeling Castiel’s thumb against his chin, it made Dean part his lips a little so that Cas could exhale the smoke straight into his mouth. Dean inhaled on impulse, successfully shotgunning with his Boss. Castiel moved back a bit so Dean could blow the smoke out of his system but he stayed close and still eyed him. Dean wanted to say something but his mouth moved uselessly like a fish. It was dark outside and the only light there was the street lamp in the distance. It made Cas a silhouette but Dean could still see those haunting eyes in the darkness.

Castiel leaned in and crashed their lips together. Dean made a surprised sound but kissed the man back just as enthusiastically. Man, he had wanted to do it for ages. And now when he was finally kissing the man, there were no words. Cas’ mouth was warm and his wet tongue sneaked into Dean’s mouth. He tasted so good that Dean wanted to go deeper and keep making out for all eternity. He felt his Boss’ body pinning him to the wall, making him warm all over and all his blood rushed down. He put his arm into his hair and pulled it, making Cas moan and kiss him deeper. His mouth tasted like cigarettes and mint. His little stubble making Dean’s lips and skin tingle with want. A pathetic moan escaped Dean’s mouth when Castiel put his leg in between Dean’s and started to rub it against his hard-on. He slipped his other hand under his Boss’ shirt and mapped the skin underneath. The blood rushing to the surface under his skin gave him shivers and his stomach burned with desire. He was so into it that he couldn’t even hear the traffic just outside the gate, just Castiel’s breathing and their lips and bodies touching. He dragged his nails over Cas’ lower back which made the other man hiss. He wanted to apologize but Castiel was on him again with a bruising kiss, lowering his hand under Dean’s collar and twisting his hard nipple. Dean moaned again and fucked his leg harder. Dean was in indescribable bliss, so it didn’t register to him at first when his Boss abruptly stopped. He opened his eyes and looked into dilated pupils. Castiel’s cheeks were red and his lips shined with spit. He looked irresistible in that state.

Castiel cleared his throat and disentangled him from Dean, wiping his mouth at the same time. His lips were swollen and looked even more perfect now. “I need to get to the stage,” he said with his usual deep voice when he was aroused. But when Dean looked into his eyes, he looked confused, like he didn’t mean to make out against a stone wall right before the show and his Boss wasn’t really meeting his eyes either.

All Dean could do was hum in agreement. Castiel walked away before Dean could collect himself, so he thought Cas wouldn’t mind if Dean visited the restroom. For a long time, Dean couldn’t decipher or even believe what had just happened but he wasn’t complaining. In some ways, it was the best time he had yet to have with Castiel. His lips were so soft…

After relieving himself in the bathroom, he walked towards the side stage. Upon getting there he noticed a few people milling about nervously or being curious about what was happening on the stage. Dean frowned and walked up the stairs to the side stage to get a closer look. Michael seemed clearly pissed off but kept tuning his guitar. Gabriel just looked defeated and the other guitarist didn’t know what to do so he just stood there. At the front of the stage, on the platform that went into the crowd, Castiel was sitting down on the floor with his guitar, lighting up a cigarette. He guessed that Castiel smoking reminded the brothers of Cas’ little rebellious side, so that’s why they looked grimmer like that. To Dean, it didn’t look too bad, because he was sure Castiel wouldn’t continue smoking and to be honest he looked kind of hot with his guitar and a cigarette burning between his fingers. Castiel picked up the microphone and spoke.

“Those things will kill you,” he laughed a little, “But then again, so will life. But still, don’t smoke kids,” he said as he blew out some smoke. The crowd seemed to love it actually, a few of the people screaming and yelling something. “This next song,” Castiel said with again another inhale, “Oh this next song. It’s a very special one for me and a lot of you love it. Now, today, we will play it a little different so I hope you like this version as well. It’s called Unconscious Bliss.” The people went crazy and screamed aloud before they kept quiet and listened how Castiel played the acoustic guitar. Dean remembered that song as the one where Cas always changes the first word to “brother” whenever he sings it live. In the studio version he says “heaven”. Dean wondered if that song was a piece from Cas’ past.

_“Brother, can you hear me?_

_I have a prayer for thee._

_Can I make things better?_

_Did you get my letter?_

_Punishment is ideal,_

_Help me build these walls of steel._

_Mistakes, heartbreaks, the lies, head shakes are all that brought us here,_

_Not awake, it breaks the heart as it lies and slowly aches._

_The fake she takes the cake for God’s sake,_

_And we still remain, the same, here.”_

The raw emotion in Castiel’s words made Dean almost tear up. Now that he had heard Cas’ backstory, it wasn’t hard to figure out who and what he was singing about. It made his hatred towards Meghan and her peeps grow even more.

_“Gamer, are you there?_

_This silence I can’t bear._

_It’s been days but still no answer,_

_Oh, I won’t press cancel._

_The machine, it works,_

_Let me create it into smirks._

_Mistakes, heartbreaks, the lies, head shakes are all that brought us here,_

_Not awake, it breaks the heart as it lies and slowly aches._

_The fake she takes the cake for god’s sakes,_

_And we still remain, the same, here_

_Home, take me home,_

_I could roam,_

_As long,_

_As you take me home.”_

He played a few more notes and then the crowd was clapping and cheering.

 

 

°◦●Ͼ●◦°

 

While he was doing his make-up, Castiel couldn’t help but remember the time Meg had painted his face. She had said that the black eyeliner would make him look so much cooler, so Castiel had agreed to let her do her thing. He even remembered how her dark chocolate eyes had twinkled with childlike joy and mischief at that exact moment.

Castiel closed his eyes for a second and shook his head while his chest burned painfully. He wasn’t applying black eyeliner because of Meg. He just liked the look of fierceness it gave him. So why was she still on his mind? He sighed and opened his eyes and tried to think of something else. He successfully finished his look and stood up to walk around a bit. His hands started to shake a little, so he shook them in front of him and started counting numbers. Her face still popped into his mind, even when he was forcing himself to not think about her. He gave a frustrated grunt and stepped out of his dressing room. Upon seeing a security guard passing by, he asked for a smoke. Surprisingly the man gave him his pack with a few leftover cigs still in there. He thanked the guard and walked outside.

He lit the cigarette and took an eager inhale and exhaled the smoke slowly from his system. He sighed happily, when he relaxed a little bit, though Meg’s face was still in front of his eyes. It felt like it was printed into his eyelids.

Just as he was about to finish his smoke, Michael appeared and ripped it from his fingers, crushing it to the ground. Castiel wasn’t too pleased about it and didn’t want to deal with anyone’s bullshit. But when his brother left and when he looked at Dean, he got an idea. If he couldn’t get her face out of his mind himself, maybe a little help would get the job done. So he pinned the other man against a wall and put all his frustrations, past feelings and emotions into the kiss. He suddenly stopped when he realized he didn’t actually want to stop. Kissing for him always felt as if something that was taken away from him, because all he did with Meg was kiss and whenever he would make out with someone, it didn’t feel as special anymore. It was always too wet or the other person’s mouth would taste bad or he was too much reminded of his abuser. To him, kissing became a chore rather than a thing to enjoy. So he stopped doing it altogether. But this here and now… Well, first, he was rock hard in his pants and he was gulping for air. Second, butterflies were dancing in his stomach and his chest burned with desire. Even his heart was beating so fast and loud, he was sure the other man would hear it. Third, he wanted to do it again. He wanted to rub his face against Dean’s. He wanted to feel that weird little tingle on his lips and chest again when he had kissed the boy. He wanted Dean to leave marks on his neck, claiming him as his.

Castiel frowned in confusion. He didn’t really want Dean, he told himself. He just wanted the things he could offer because he was lonely. With all the confusion and mixed feelings and past memories, Castiel ended up in a pretty bad mood for the rest of the day. The concert did lift his spirits a little, because he was able to get lost in the music but of course when he got to the bus, Mike had to ruin his buzz.

“Why the hell were you smoking on the stage? Better yet, where did you get the cigarettes?” Michael asked with a raised voice.

Castiel rolled his eyes before he turned around to face his brother at the front of the bus. “I’m a grown man, you know.”

“The way you’re acting, I would suggest otherwise,” Mike shook his head in disappointment.

Cas scrutinized him with a glare. “I won’t continue smoking after a few cigs, I’m not that addicted to them. I just needed something to calm myself down.”

“Sure, next you’ll have a shot of whiskey every night to help you sleep.”

A cold shiver washed over Castiel’s body. Michael had hit too close to home, why would he even use the past against his little brother like that? “At least I’m able to speak about my problems! At least I don’t blatantly ignore my own brother in a silent hatred when things get hard!” Castiel rose his voice and it broke a little.

Michael looked infuriated and Castiel knew he was about to pound in the last nail into the coffin. “Why won’t you just stop being self-destructive and get yourself together already?!” he basically screamed.

Castiel stared at him in shock. Was that how his brother thought of him? Did he think all this mental abuse that had ruined Castiel was some tiny thing to get over? Did he think Cas was a burden?

“What the hell, dude?!” Dean was suddenly on the bus and glared Michael angrily.

Upon seeing Dean, Castiel made an escape to the back of the bus. He didn’t want to cry in front of everyone.

 

 

°◦●Ḍ●◦°

 

 

“You do realize saying stuff like that to someone who’s probably struggling with a mental illness is absolutely harming?!” Dean couldn’t help but raise his voice at Michael. Upon walking towards the bus, he had heard the end of the brothers’ argument and he couldn’t believe what he had heard.

Michael scoffed and looked at him. “What would you know? You should keep your nose out of our family’s business.”

“And you should stop yelling so loud at your own little brother that the whole neighborhood can hear! What gives you the right to raise your voice at him for just smoking a cigarette?”

“Who are you to give me behavior lessons?” Michael walked closer to him with threatening posture “You know my brother for what, merely a few months and you think you know everything about him? Did he tell you that because our father was too occupied with his other family, I had to raise my brothers as my sons? I know damn well what I’m doing. Whenever he gets rebellious I have to strike him down because I’m not letting him disobey me nor our family anymore. It’s his job to grow up already.”

“He has grown up if you can’t see it and I know enough to say that screaming at him to get better isn’t going to help any of you! You’re all in this together and maybe he can’t be emotionless like you and brush his trauma of his shoulder like it’s dust. You should grow up instead and stop reminding him of his past failures!” Dean gritted his teeth as he was dangerously close to the other man.

Michael blinked in surprise. “He _told_ you?”

“Yes. Because unlike you, I know how to be a good friend,” Dean said with anger in his voice.

Michael’s shoulders deflated and he walked off up to the lounge, leaving Dean alone in the room. Dean was baffled by the childish stomping that followed the oldest Novak. How could he not get it? He was doing more harm than good to his brother. If Sam did something to offend Dean, he wouldn’t go as far as yelling at him and accuse him of being the black sheep of the family. That was messed up.

There was a sound behind Dean and he saw Gabriel, with four colorful milkshakes in his hand, looking around with big eyes. “What did I miss?”

Dean shook his head and exhaled. Suddenly he was tired from all the yelling. “Go ask your dick of an older brother,” Dean said and turned around to approach the backroom door.

Dean calmed himself down before he knocked softly on the door. He waited a bit, but there was no answer. Still, he opened the door a bit and peered inside. Castiel was sitting at the end of the couch, back to the door.

“Hey,” Dean said sweetly, “It’s me. Can I come in?”

There was no answer from Cas. He didn’t say yes but he also didn’t say no either, he just sniffled a bit.

Dean stepped into the room and closed the door, locking it. He approached the couch with soft steps. “Can I sit down next to you?” He asked again.

This time Cas nodded.

Dean sat next to him and stayed quiet for a few minutes. After a while, he spoke softly, “What he said, was cruel. He shouldn’t have said that. You’re not at fault here Cas.”

If the green-eyed man heard correctly, there was a quiet sob coming from Cas.

“Hey…” he said again and put his hand on the other man’s shoulder. “he still cares about you, even though he has an ugly way of showing it. And he hasn’t gone through the same stuff you have, he can’t…”

“Can we just…” Castiel cut him off, “Stay quiet for a bit.”

Dean felt his heart give a little painful tug. His Boss’ voice cracked and there was deep sorrow in his voice. “Okay, yeah… Sure,” Dean tried to smile a bit but it wasn’t that necessary given that his friend wasn’t even facing him.

He rubbed soothing circles against Cas’ back, feeling the other man relax under his touch. After a while, they changed their positions and Castiel cuddled into Dean’s chest while they were lying on the sofa. Dean softly tangled his fingers into Cas’ hair and kissed his forehead, which caused the other man to whimper quietly.

Dean held Castiel gently, the blue-eyed boy crying into his shirt, all the way to the New York City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After over a year, I've returned. I'm really sorry for taking so long but my life got in the way.   
> As I've said before, I was dealing with stuff and lacked the motivation to write and only now, my motivation slowly grows again. Unfortunately, I can't say when I'll add another chapter, although it might be soon as I'm interested in fanfiction again.
> 
> The last time I updated this story, I was a different person. I've grown so much this past year and I feel like I can write this story better now because unfortunately, now I've suffered from mental abuse myself and can write more truthfully about this topic. It's funny how my real life correlates with this fic and I'm baffled how much of its similarities I face now. I wish nobody has to go through with this as it left me broken, which I guess you can see through Cas in the next chapters. 
> 
> So in a way, this is my story too. I'm so thankful to those who still read this or someone new, who finds interest in this story. I hope to finish it eventually because I do enjoy writing this a lot. I hope you enjoyed, sadly I couldn't write a long chapter but this is better than nothing.


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